


The Shape of Happiness

by MonkeyZero



Series: The Shape of Happiness [1]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Single Parents, Smut, also child abuse, later chapters have more specific tws, lots of smut, non con is talked about, not shown directly, so is CSA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-11 20:29:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 53,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonkeyZero/pseuds/MonkeyZero
Summary: In which Kurogane and Fai are both struggling to raise their children and keep their lives together. After an injury brings Kurogane to Tomoeda, he meets a man who may turn his life upside-down.Or, in which Fai was doing just fine on his own until somebody had to come along and fall in love with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \--A mash-up of Cardcaptor Sakura and Tsubasa. Obviously Fai and Kurogane are from Tsubasa, and Syaoran and Sakura's is drawn from both.  
> \--I had to have Toyuki, because why not have two OTPs in one fic?  
> \--The events of CCS are completely out of order, so don't go expecting some sort of organization from me. You will be disappointed.  
> \--I don't know much about Japan, so 90% of this is based on google and anime, so please correct me if I mess anything up terribly  
> \--On a related note, I tried my best with honorifics, based on how they're used in the anime/manga but I'm not super confident.  
> \--meow-meow-mothermckr.tumblr.com

Fai

 

“Sakura-chan,” Fai called from the kitchen. “Your breakfast will get cold if you don’t get ready soon.”

Fai smiled as he heard the sound of heavy footsteps thundering down the stairs. “Good morning, monster,” Toya said when she appeared in the doorway, hastily dressed, her hair out of place. 

“I’m not a monster,” Sakura shouted. Sitting down, she began shovelling food into her mouth. 

“If you eat too fast you’ll make yourself sick,” Fai said, ruffling her hair. “I don’t want you to be late, so just this once I’ll drive you to school. You can take a bit of extra time to get ready, but don’t get used to it.”

“Thank you, father,” Sakura said with a grin and resumed her breakfast.

“Toya, you may as well call Yukito-kun and offer him a ride,” Fai said. He noticed the way Toya’s cheeks reddened ever so slightly as he went to pick up the phone. He would have to be blind not to notice the way those two boys looked at one another. He couldn’t have chosen a better person for Toya, and he had a feeling Yukito needed a family, so he did his best to make the other boy feel welcome. 

Fai had been hesitant to become a father, especially given how traumatic his own childhood had been. But when Sakura and Toya had come into his life he hadn’t regretted it for a second. The children had lost their parents so young, Fai just wanted to give them as happy of a childhood as he could. 

“I’m ready,” Sakura said, appearing at the bottom of the stairs, her hair more neatly pulled back, her bag over her shoulders.

“Alright, then help me with these dishes,” Fai said with a smile. “We’ll get them done in no time if we work together.”

After greeting the photo of her parents, Sakura appeared at the sink beside Fai and started towelling off the wet dishes. “I hope I’m in the same class as Tomoyo-chan again this year,” she said enthusiastically. “I heard we might be getting a transfer student too. I wonder who it is.”

“Well I’m sure whoever it is you’ll make them feel welcome,” Fai said. “Make sure to be extra friendly to them. Coming to a new place can be frightening.”

“Was it frightening when you came to Japan?” Sakura asked, setting down the bowl she as drying.

“Yes,” Fai answered. “I was about Toya’s age then. Moving to a new place is even harder when you’re younger.”

“I’m glad I never had to leave Tomoeda,” Sakura said. “And I’m glad you came to Japan so you could come and live with us.”

“I’m glad too, Sakura-chan,” Fai said. “Now let’s get in the car.”

 

Kurogane

 

The morning was not going as planned. “Shit,” Kurogane said as the smell of burnt rice filled the kitchen. Syaoran’s head snapped up from where he was studying his book at the table. “Oh fuck, I shouldn’t be cursing in front of you,” Kurogane said, and Syaoran’s lips quirked in the slightest hint of a smile. “Just don’t repeat it at school please,” Kurogane said with a sigh. “You’ll have to get lunch at the school cafeteria. I burnt the rice. I’m sorry. I won’t have time to do the dishes properly either before work.”

“I can walk to school so you won’t have to drive me,” Syaoran offered. 

“Nonsense,” Kurogane said as he filled the pot up with soapy water. It could soak during the day. “It’s your first day. I don’t want you coming to class late because you got lost. We’ll do the dishes when we get home tonight. I just need to get used to cooking with one arm.”

“I’ll help,” Syaoran said firmly, with his jaw set in that determined way. Kurogane gave him a slight smile. He hadn’t really wanted to be a father. Hadn’t planned on it. And then his squadron had found a strange boy, blind in one eye, wandering the city speaking only Cantonese with seemingly no memory of how he got there, who his family was, or anything that had happened to him. Syaoran still had not regained his memory, and Kurogane never found his original family, but if they didn’t report him missing, they couldn’t have been the best. Still, the kid had needed a place to stay, and Amaterasu, the police chief had volunteered a very angry Kurogane. Originally it had just been for the duration of the case, and then until they could find someone else, and then somehow Kurogane had found himself filling out paperwork to adopt the boy. That had been four years ago, and now after Kurogane’s injury they had left Tokyo to start over in this town, Tomoeda. It wasn’t far from Kurogane’s parents in the country, and there was a position as chief of police, so it had seemed like time. 

Syaoran was quiet on the ride to school, but he was usually quiet. The two of them didn’t talk much, but shared companionable silences. They each understood the other, and didn’t need to many words to express that they loved one another and were grateful for each other’s presence in their lives.

“I’ll see you around six,” Kurogane said when Syaoran got out of the car. “We’ll make dinner together.”

“Yes father,” Syaoran said with a smile, then sped off to class.  _ Father.  _ It still made his heart swell every time Syaoran called him that, even though it had been several years.

Kurogane’s thoughts were interrupted by an irritating tapping on the window.

“Excuse me Mr. Black, but your parking job is truly horrible, and I need to get into my car. I would like to get to work you know.”

Annoyed, Kurogane rolled down his window, which he had not meant as an invitation for the other man to rest his elbows on the car door and lean his head through the window, but that’s how he took it. The man was tall, though not as tall as Kurogane, blonde, blue-eyed, and foreign. European or something. “I’ll be getting out soon if you get your head out of my car,” Kurogane growled.

“I’m Fai,” the stranger said. “Fai D. Flourite. I haven’t seen you around here before? Is your kid just starting?”

“Yes,” Kurogane said. “We just moved here.”

“Oh, well if you need someone to help you get settled in Tomoeda, I’d be happy to help,” Fai said with a grin. “Being in a new place can be difficult. What year is your child in?”

Kurogane sighed. It didn’t seem he was going to be moving until he satisfied this man’s curiosity. “Syaoran-kun is in fourth grade,” he said.

“Oh!” Fai practically squealed. “Sakura-chan is in fourth grade too. Maybe they will be friends.”

“Maybe,” Kurogane grunted. “Now if you will just move, I need to get to work.”

“Alright then, Mr. Black,” Fai said with a laugh. “I’ll probably be seeing you around.” And then he was gone.

 

Fai

 

“Father!” Sakura cried when she got home and flung the door open. Fai was finishing up his afternoon’s work in his office. He liked to be home as much as possible for Sakura, and luckily his work was flexible enough to make it work most of the time.

“How was school?” Fai asked as he wandered into the hall. Sakura was by the door, removing her shoes, and she had another child with her.

“I made a new friend!” she said proudly. “This is Suwa Syaoran. He’s new.”

“Hmm,” Fai said. “Syaoran-kun, I think I may have met your father today. By any chance is he a tall man dressed in black with red eyes? Very grumpy.” The boy nodded, and Fai could tell he was just as serious as his father. “Well if you’re a friend of Sakura’s you’re welcome here any time. Let me know if you get hungry or if you need anything. Will you be staying for dinner?”

“I was going to have dinner with my father,” Syaoran said. 

“Do you know how to get home from here?” Fai asked. “You’re new to town. I wouldn’t want you to get lost.”

“I can figure it out,” Syaoran said. 

“We can’t have that,” Fai said. “If you give me your father’s number I’ll call him and give him directions. That way he can pick you up when he’s done with work. And the two of you can go play.”

Sakura and Syaoran disappeared up the stairs and Fai dialled the number Syaoran had given him before he returned to his work. 

“Tomoeda Police Department, how may I direct your call?” Said a woman on the line. Fai almost dropped the phone is surprise, but then Syaoran had not said what exactly his father did. 

“Hello,” Fai said cheerfully. “I’m trying to get in touch with Suwa Kurogane. Nothing urgent, just getting in touch about his son Syaoran-kun.” 

After a few minutes a voice on the other line answered, “Who is this?”

“Mr. Black!” Fai said. “So you have a name. Can I call you Kuro-tan?”

“How the Hell did you get this number?” Kurogane shouted into the phone.

“Syaoran-kun gave it to me,” Fai said in a singsong voice. “It turns out he and Sakura really did get along well. Anyways, he’s over at my house for the evening, playing with Sakura. I don’t think he knows how to get home, so I was going to give you my address, but I suppose you could always look me up in your database. Syaoran-kun didn’t tell me you were a police officer. I suppose I should have been more careful before I questioned your parking job.”

“Just give me your address,” Kurogane sighed. “I’ll come and get Syaoran-kun before dinner.”

“Of course,” Fai said. “But the two of you are welcome to stay. I haven’t done the shopping yet, and I can easily make food for two more. I’m already feeding two teenage boys, you know.”

“How many kids do you have?” Kurogane asked.

“Just two,” Fai answered. “Toya is my son. He’s in eleventh grade, but his best friend Yukito-kun is always over. He practically lives with us. I won’t be insulted if you want to spend time with your son, but he really seems to get along with Sakura-chan, and I imagine you have a lot of work to do with moving and everything. It might be nice to have a night off from cooking.”

There was a long pause on the other side before Kurogane’s gruff voice said, “Fine,” and then the line went dead.

 

Kurogane

 

It was past six when Kurogane finally packed up his things and made his way out of the office. “Going home?” His secretary, Suzume, asked.

“Not exactly,” he said with a shrug. “I received a dinner invitation. The father of one of Syaoran’s friends invited us over.”

“Who is it?” She asked him eagerly.

“Uh--Flourite?” Kurogane said, thinking back to their conversation in the elementary school parking lot. “Fai Flourite.”

“Oh,” Suzume said, her face falling. “You may want to be careful with how much time you allow Syaoran to spend around him.”

“What do you mean?” Kurogane asked. Normally he was not one for gossip, but if there was any risk for Syaoran he couldn’t ignore it.

“Well,” Suzume said, obviously excited by the opportunity to share private information. “He’s a homosexual. He doesn’t even try to hide it either. I suppose it comes from being foreign. And it looks like his son might turn out that way too. He’s a little too close with one of his classmates. I’m sure you don’t want Syaoran exposed to people like that.”

“It doesn’t concern me,” Kurogane grunted, then left before he had another angry outburst. He had been trying to control his rage since Syaoran had come into his life, but it was not always easy.  _ So this is how it is here,  _ He thought, his grip tightening on his case. Not everybody in Tokyo had been accepting of homosexuality, but Kurogane had been able to get a drink with a man without worrying about his co-workers saying anything about it. Not that he'd really had time for relationships since becoming a father. Or before that even. Every relationship had ended before it had begun, always with the same complaints: Kurogane didn't show affection, he fought about too much, he worked too hard. He figured he wasn't cut out for it and settled for the occasional one night stand just to satisfy the need for companionship and human contact.

Kurogane got to the address he had written down quickly enough. It was a nice enough house, and it was clear whatever Fai did he made a good amount of money from it. Kurogane parked in the driveway, behind a nice sports car and a bicycle. He didn’t normally go on social outings, but if Syaoran had made a friend, he could force himself to sit through a dinner. Even if Fai was annoying. Syaoran was so serious, he had a hard time getting along with children his age, and Kurogane wanted him to fit in at his new school. With a sigh, Kurogane knocked on the front door.

“Kuro-Rin!” Fai said, throwing open the door. “You came! I’m almost finished with the cooking. Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun are upstairs playing a videogame, but you can sit down in the living room while I finish with dinner.”

“I can help cook,” Kurogane offered.

“Great,” Fai said. “Can you roll rice balls?”

Thinking of his arm, Kurogane hesitated. He hadn’t mastered those types of tasks with his one hand yet. He was still getting used to the prosthetic and getting his own clothes on and off. As if he could read minds, Fai’s eyes flicked to Kurogane’s prosthetic arm and then back up to his face, and he smiled but made no comment. “Maybe you can help me with the miso soup  instead?”

“I can do that,” Kurogane said with a nod and followed Fai into the kitchen. Most people didn’t notice the way his left arm hung limply at his side, but perhaps Fai was more observant than he seemed.

“How was work?” Fai asked as he started rolling balls of rice. 

“Fine,” Kurogane said.

“It was your first day?” Fai pressed.

“Yes,” Kurogane said. He would very much like to focus on the soup, but evidently Fai was not going to let him do that.

“When did you get to Tomoeda?” Fai asked. “Why Tomoeda?”

“We moved in last week,” Kurogane said. “We moved for the job and to be close to my parents.” After a pause he asked, “what is it that you do?”

“I'm an engineer,” Fai said, grinning. “I've done a lot of things around town. I'm working on a new bridge right now. I used to work for the Japanese military but I moved here to take care of Toya and Sakura. I didn't want them to have to move when they came to live with me.”

“So they're not...yours?” Kurogane asked. 

“No,” Fai said. “But I've had them for seven years now, and they're mine in every way that counts. But they still miss their other parents also, which is fine.”

“Syaoran is adopted too,” Kurogane said, surprising himself by volunteering up information. “It's just the two of us.” He didn't know why he had felt the need to say  _ that  _ but there was no taking the words back now. “Soup’s ready,” he said before Fai could respond.

“Great!” Fai said. He reached across Kurogane for a ladle and for the first time Kurogane caught sight of his hands. His palms and the pads of his fingers were covered in deep, white scars. Kurogane couldn't think of something that would do that, and he had seen a lot in his years as a detective.

Fai caught him looking, smiled and said nothing as he handed him the ladle. “I'd better get the kids then,” he said, and disappeared up the stairs. A few moments later, four kids rushed downstairs--Syaoran, a young girl about his age, and two teenage boys. One of them kept glaring between Syaoran and Kurogane. Kurogane wondered if he was the brother.

“Toya, Sakura, would you please set the table?” Fai asked.

“I'll help,” offered the other boy with silver hair.

“Me too,” Syaoran said.

“Thank you Syaoran-kun, but seeing as you don't know where things are in this house maybe you can sit and wait with your father. If you visit again you can surely help out.”

Kurogane smiled. It was nice to see somebody be kind to Syaoran. Other adults sometimes had a hard time with his closed-off exterior, but Fai seemed like a warm enough person to see through that. Not that he wasn't still annoying. 

“Father, I was telling Syaoran we were going to the water park on Saturday,” Sakura said. “Can Syaoran-kun come too?”

“I don't see why not,” Fai said. “If it's okay with Kuro-daddy.”

Toya choked on his rice while Kurogane shouted, “don't call me things like that!” Fai giggled. “And yes, you can go to the water park Syaoran.”

“Will you be coming too Kuro-pon?” Fai asked.

Kurogane paused, then sighed. “I don't see why not.

“Great!” Fai cried. “It's a date!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Sakura and Syaoran spend more time together, Fai and Kurogane do too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -my tumblr is http://meow-meow-motherfckr.tumblr.com/ if you want to shout at me over there or something

Fai

 

“Rika-chan says there's a really, really big slide. I want to go down it but I'm also kind of scared of going too fast,” Sakura said for what must have been the fifth time. 

“Well Sakura if you want me to go down it with you once I will, but after that you have to try it on your own,” Fai offered. 

“Really?” Sakura asked. “Thank you.”

“Though maybe Syaoran-kun will go with you and it won't need me,” Fai mentioned. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Sakura agreed. “Do you think Kurogane-san will go swimming with us?”

“I doubt it,” Fai said with a smile. He was feeling perhaps a bit more excited than he should be feeling to see Kurogane. He had his fair share of relationships--hookups if he was honest--but never anybody Sakura or Toya knew. But he was attracted to Kurogane and he thought Kurogane might be attracted to him. Usually once he recognized any sort of chemistry it went pretty quickly from there: he told the kids he would be working late, went home with another man, stayed most of the night, left with promises he would call again, but never did. But there was no way he could do that with the father of one of Sakura’s friends. And he couldn't avoid Kurogane either, not if Sakura and Syaoran stayed close. It would be better to stay friendly, but there were certain boundaries he shouldn't cross. 

After changing into his swimsuit Fai waited for Sakura to emerge from the changing room and then went to find Kurogane and Syaoran. They found them waiting by the towel rental kiosk. Kurogane was wearing a t-shirt, but his prosthetic was very obvious. Sakura stopped for a second and her eyes widened as she noticed his arm and for a moment Fai thought she might say something rude, but she was too polite for that. Instead, she ran up and grabbed Syaoran’s hand and pulled him to the water slides saying, “let's get in line! I want to start with the small ones and then we can do the really, really big one.”

“They're cute together, aren't they?” Fai commented as he and Kurogane found seats where they could watch most of the water park.

“I guess,” Kurogane said reluctantly,

“Do you always have to be so grumpy?” Fai asked. Kurogane didn’t reply, and Fai sighed audibly. “Well, if you won’t talk, I will.” And for the next hour Fai chattered away about this or that, not really sticking to a subject long enough for Kurogane to keep up, let alone comment. Kurogane’s book lay unopened next to him but he didn’t mind. He was content to sit there and pay half attention to Fai.

Eventually Sakura and Syaoran grew tired of the water slides and approached their parents.

“Was it fun?” Fai asked.

“Lots of fun!” Sakura said.

“Do you want an ice cream?” Fai asked. Both children nodded.

“Well maybe Kuro-daddy will buy the kids some ice-creams,” Fai said, grinning at Kurogane, who rolled his eyes before standing up. He followed the kids to the ice cream stand where he was surprised to see two familiar faces serving ice-cream.

“Brother!” Sakura cried. “What are you doing here?”

“Working,” Toya said. 

“Hello Sakura-chan,” said Yukito. “Hello Syaoran-kun.” 

When he saw Syaoran’s blush, Fai pulled Kurogane aside and whispered in his ear, “I think Sakura-chan has a rival for Yukito-kun’s affections?”

“What?” Kurogane asked.

“Look,” Fai said. “Isn’t it cute how Syaoran-kun is getting at flustered? Sakura has had a crush on Yukito forever, but I think Yukito-kun’s affections lie elsewhere.” It was true that Kurogane had never seen Syaoran so worked up, and it did look like a childhood crush in action. He supposed it was only normal.

“Hey, Fai-san, are you going to pay us, or are you just going to chat all day?” Toya said.

“Oh, Kuro-rin is paying,” Fai laughed. “And I’m getting a cream soda.”

“I’ll just have a cola,” Kurogane said as he reached for his wallet. His new job had come with a pay raise and Tomoeda was much less expensive than Tokyo, but still, it was rather irritating. But when Fai grinned at him he stopped feeling quite so angry.

They sat down with the kids, and Sakura told them all about the slides and how the big one had been scary, but fun, and how Syaoran had been very brave and hadn’t ever screamed. During a lull in the conversation, Kurogane caught her eyes drifting to his prosthetic arm. “You know, you can ask what happened to my arm,” he said. He didn’t usually like explaining it to people, but it was different if it was a kid. And he liked Sakura. She was nice to Syaoran, and that meant a lot.

“I don’t want to be rude,” Sakura said, looking at her hands, which were folded in her lap.

“It’s fine,” Kurogane said. “I was working on a case and I got shot. I was injured pretty badly and they had to cut off my arm. But it’s okay, because I’m still alive. I’ll be fine without my arm.”

“Does it hurt a lot?” Sakura asked.

“Not very much anymore,” Kurogane said. “It hurt at first, but it healed. Now it’s just different, but I’m getting used to it.”

“Did they catch the person who shot you?” she asked, her eyes wide.

“Yes,” Kurogane said. “And he’s in prison. It’s something that happens sometimes when you have my job.”

“My father is very brave,” Syaoran said. 

“I’m sure he is,” Fai said. He was smiling, but this smile was softer than his usual cheery smile. 

Sakura finished her ice cream, then dragged Syaoran along to the wave pool, leaving Fai and Kurogane alone again, sitting at the table. Toya came over to clear the glasses and glared at Kurogane.

“Have I done something to offend him?” Kurogane asked as Toya disappeared.

“No,” Fai said with a laugh. “He just gets that was with anybody who spends time with Sakura. I told him to be nice to Syaoran, but he’s not happy when he feels like someone might take his little sister away. After their parents died Toya had to take care of Sakura for a while. He didn’t trust me for a long time after I adopted them.”

“He still calls you ‘Fai-san’ while Sakura calls you ‘father,’” Kurogane commented.

“He does,” Fai said. “I don’t mind. Sakura doesn’t remember her parents, but Toya does. He was ten when they died. I think he fears that if he lets me in completely he will lose something he had with Fujitaka-san. I hope he doesn’t always feel that way, but I’m happy to wait for him.”

“I suppose it’d be difficult to just accept a new father,” Kurogane said. 

“Toya’s done very well, considering,” Fai said. “He’s been through a lot, but he’s making a happy life for himself. That’s all I wanted for them.”

“It looks like you’ve given them a good life,” Kurogane said, refusing to look Fai in the eyes.

“Kuro-puu!” Fai cried hugging Kurogane. It took all of Kurogane’s restraint not to put Fai in a choke-hold. “That’s so sweet of you.”

“Well you can get off me,” Kurogane said, shaking his arm slightly. “I’m not as touchy-feely as you.”

Fai released his arm but said, “Kuro-tan I’m going to wear down your defenses you know.”

 

Kurogane

 

After spending a month in Tomoeda, Kurogane started to think of Fai and his family as a sort of second home. He spent half his time there, finding excuses to pick Syaoran up, even when he knew Syaoran was perfectly capable of walking himself. And he knew Fai did the same when Sakura came over for a visit, always arriving early and staying for tea or dinner. One weekend he found himself at a carnival with Fai and the children, walking between the various stalls.

“Kuro-puppy, I bought you a present!” Kurogane turned around to see Fai shove a giant stuffed dog at him. “I got it from a ring toss.”

“Don’t call me ‘Kuro-puppy’ like I’m some animal,” Kurogane snapped, then added, “thanks.”

“I expect a present as well, you know,” Fai said. He whistled as they walked along. Kurogane yelled at him to stop whistling. He whistled louder. “Oh look,” he said, pointing to where Yukito was doing a tossing game, “Yukito is getting toys for the kids. That will make them happy.”

“He shouldn’t encourage them like that,” Kurogane said.

“He’s just being kind,” Fai said. “He knows when to draw the line. I wouldn’t let him spend time with Sakura if he didn’t.”

“I know,” Kurogane said. “He’s a good kid.”

“I bet you were a bad kid,” Fai commented. “I bet you caused all sorts of problems for your parents.”

“I did get in a lot of fights,” Kurogane admitted. “What about you? Did you get yourself in trouble?”

Fai acted as if he did not hear the question, but instead ran to a stall and pointed at a giant stuffed cat, “Kuro-chan, win that one for me. All you have to do is hit something with a mallet. You like hitting things.”

Kurogane sighed. “Give me the damn mallet.”

With a massive plush cat in his arms, Fai continued browsing the stalls, now with a huge smile plastered across his face. “I love these sorts of Japanese festivals,” he said. “Back home carnivals are mostly about eating reindeer meat and drinking beer, you know.”

“Where are you from?” Kurogane asked. He was surprised this hadn’t come up, but he also got the feeling Fai avoided the topic.

“Sweden,” Fai said. “Way up North too. So it was really cold. And dark all winter”

“Why come to Japan?” Kurogane asked. “It’s not exactly close.”

Fai shrugged. “I just wanted to see the world. Go somewhere new, and leave home.”

“And there wasn’t anything tying you to your life back there?” Kurogane asked, very aware he would likely not receive an answer.

As expected, Fai turned away from him and said, “I’m going to see if the kids want popsicles. Do you want one?” Kurogane sighed. Things were always difficult with Fai.

“No, I don’t like that much sugar,” he sighed, and watched the man disappear to catch up with the children. He wasn’t stupid: he knew what was happening. He knew he was falling for Fai, and falling hard. Admittedly, it was not one of his better ideas. Fai was guarded and complicated and if it blew up it would be a huge mess because Sakura was Syaoran’s only friend, and Syaoran’s happiness was most important to Kurogane. But Fai was kind to his son, and made him feel welcome in a strange city, and made him smile. More than that, something about Fai made him want to know him, and be known by him. He told Fai things--little things--that he rarely told others. Little stories about his childhood, how his day had gone, his thoughts and opinions. He felt a level of comfort with Fai he was unused to with anyone else. To deny himself that kind of happiness, even for Syaoran’s sake, was beyond painful.

Regardless, he could tell Fai wasn’t quite ready for a relationship. It went unspoken between them that they were each attracted to the other. In a different situation, if there were no children involved, they may have just fucked, gotten it over with, and never seen each other again. But now Fai was a permanent fixture in his life, and as much as Fai pursued that, it also scared him. Whatever direction Kurogane took, he knew he would have to go slow.

 

Fai

 

Fai did not get nervous often. He was very good at bullshitting his way through uncomfortable situations and avoiding situations he couldn’t lie his way through. It was rare for him to actually do something that made him anxious, but here he was, at Kurogane’s apartment under the pretense of picking up Sakura.

“You’re early,” Kurogane commented when he opened the door.

“I’d love some tea,” Fai said, stretching. “I got bored of work so I thought I could come over and have you entertain me.”

“Well, come to the kitchen then,” Kurogane sighed. 

Fai waited until Kurogane had poured the tea before broaching the important subject. “So, Kuro-tan, what are you and Syaoran-kun doing for summer break?”

“Nothing,” Kurogane said. “We were going to see my parents but they are travelling, so we’ll just stay here.”

“Well I rented out a summer house by the beach,” Fai said. “I have it for two weeks and I told the kids they could each invite one friend. Toya invited Yukito obviously. Sakura wanted to invite Tomoyo-chan, but she’s on vacation with her family, so she was wondering if Syaoran could come along. And then I was thinking, since you might get sad being alone here without Syaoran so you should just come too. There’s enough room if Toya and Yukito share a room and I don’t think they’ll complain about that.”

Fai stopped talking long enough to finally look up at Kurogane who looked somewhat surprised. “I--I’ll have to make sure I can take the time off work, but that sounds… that sounds nice.”

“Great!” Fai said, beaming. “It will be so fun. I can’t wait.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beach house antics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Some drunk Fai for your enjoyment

Kurogane

 

Fai’s car pulled up in front of Kurogane and Syaoran’s apartment building in the early morning on the first day of summer break. Kurogane loaded up the bags and then got in the front seat next to Fai. The kids had somehow squished into the back, and it looked like it was going to be an uncomfortable few hours for them.

“Are you excited Syaoran-kun?” Fai asked.

“Yes,” Syaoran said. “Thank you very much for inviting me.”

“I’m sure you’ll be an excellent guest,” Fai said. “Kuro-rin on the other hand might cause some problems for me, but I suppose that can’t be helped.”

“You’re the one who causes trouble,” Kurogane said with a groan.

“Aren’t you excited to deal with me for two weeks?” Fai said with a laugh. “Now, how shall we pass the time?”

“Let’s sing a song!” Sakura suggested. Toya and Kurogane groaned together. 

 

They arrived at the beach house by midday. It was quite spacious, and had a direct path to the water. “I work with this architect sometimes,” Fai admitted as he unloaded some of the groceries. “He suggested this place. I think it’s quite nice.”

“It is,” Kurogane said, looking around. It was constructed in a traditional Japanese style with sliding doors and tatami mats. It reminded him of his parents home. “It’s peaceful.”

“Maybe you can relax for once in your life,” Fai teased. “You’re always so tense.”

“My method of relaxing is usually drinking,” Kurogane admitted with a grin. He could drink a great deal without it really affecting him, but he liked the slight buzz.

“Well there is a bar nearby,” Fai said with a sly smile.

“Maybe we can leave the kids to their own devices one of these nights,” Kurogane suggested.

“I don’t usually drink,” Fai said hesitantly.

“Well if it makes you uncomfortable we can do something else,” Kurogane said, realizing how he had assumed there would be a “we.”

“I didn’t say ‘no’” Fai said. “But I am quite the lightweight. So if we go drinking Kuro-chan will have to take good care of me.”

“I can do that,” Kurogane said. 

 

Fai

 

“Fai san?”

“Come in,” Fai called from the bathroom, and Toya made his way into Fai’s bedroom.

“Did you pack extra socks?” Toya asked. “I forgot to pack any.”

“Yeah, I’ve been wearing sandals anyway,” Fai said. “Go ahead and look through my bag. It’s on the bed.” Fai resumed shaving while Toya dug through his rather unorganized travel bag.

“Oh!” Toya said after some time, letting out a cry of surprise.

“What is it?” Fai asked, wandering to the door.

“Nothing,” Toya said quickly as he shoved a box of condoms back into Fai’s bag.

“Oh,” Fai said with a laugh. “I forgot about that, I’m sorry. I suppose you’ve caught me.”

“So, you and Kurogane-san are…” Toya said.

“No, no,” Fai said, twirling the razor in his hand. Toya gave him a skeptical look so he sighed and said, “I thought it might head in that direction, you know, so I brought the condoms along, just to be safe. But nothing has happened.”

“Right,” Toya said. “I’ll just take these socks and let you get back to your shaving then.”

“Toya-kun,” Fai said before the teenager could leave. “You do know to be careful, right? You don’t have to tell me everything about your sex life if you don’t want to, but it’s good to have condoms and such on hand if there’s a chance anything like that might happen. You don’t want to get caught off guard and make a stupid mistake.”

“We’ve had this conversation before, Fai-san,” Toya said. “And yes, I know to use condoms. But I’m not having sex with anybody.” He made to leave but Fai stopped him again.

“You know, lubricant is important too. Depending on the bits involved, of course, but you don’t want anybody getting hurt because you forgot the lube. And then you might end up using something stupid like hand lotion and it won’t end well, believe me. So I’m saying, I know you get embarrassed easily, but you shouldn’t let that get in the way of being prepared.”

Toya looked mortified. “I’ll keep this all in mind,” he managed to say, and made for the door. He paused before leaving, however, and turned to say to Fai, “Look, I know you haven’t had a boyfriend in--well I’m not sure if you’ve ever had a boyfriend--but as far as I can tell Kurogane’s not a bad choice. I mean, he’s kind of abrasive and all, but you could do worse.”

Fai beamed. “Thank you Toya-kun,” he said as Toya disappeared through the doorway.

 

Kurogane

 

They spent most of the first few days by the beach. Sometimes Toya and Yukito joined them, but they mostly did their own thing, wandering around the nearby town, or going on hikes. Fai and Kurogane spent most days sitting on the beach chatting while Sakura and Syaoran played in the water. At least, Fai did most of the chatting.

“Put some sunscreen on my back, please Kuro-min,” Fai said, waving about a bottle of sunscreen. “I burn easily.”

“You’re so pale,” Kurogane commented as Fai squirted a liberal amount onto his palm.

“That’s cold,” Fai said when Kurogane put his hand on his shoulders. “Don’t you know it’s only polite to warm it up first?” Kurogane’s mind went somewhere else entirely with those words, and Fai’s knowing smirk suggested he knew exactly what he was saying. “Don’t forget to really rub it in either.” Kurogane shook his head and started smearing sunscreen across Fai’s back. Fai’s skin was soft beneath his hand, and Fai sighed into his touch, arching his back when his fingers kneaded into the muscles around Fai’s spine. At some point it went past the necessary rubbing in of sunscreen and turned into a back massage, and Fai had some tension in his shoulders.

“I think I need more for your neck,” Kurogane lied. “I’d hate to see you get burned.”

“Can’t have that,” Fai sighed. “You are good with your hand. Very strong.”

“Imagine if I still had two,” Kurogane whispered. His voice had gotten low and husky, and he could see Fai shiver despite the heat. This was getting out of control. He was half hard in his swim trunks, and Fai’s breath had sped up, his pupils dilated. They should not be engaged in foreplay like this with their kids not twenty feet off making sandcastles. But Kurogane was unwilling to take his hands off Fai’s neck. 

He was cut short however, when he began to reach forward to the sides of Fai’s neck. As soon as his fingers grazed Fai’s throat the other man pulled his head away, smiled and said, “I think you’ve got me pretty covered. Thank-you Kuro-pii.”

“Whenever you want,” Kurogane said.

Fai stretched, then got to his feet, “I think I’m going to help out with the sandcastle, if you care to join. And then tonight I think we should go for that drink.”

 

Fai had meant it when he said he was a lightweight. Kurogane had drank with Fai before, never more than one drink at a time. Three drinks in, and Fai was meowing like a cat and tickling him incessantly. After Fai’s fifth drink, Kurogane had to pull him off the table.

“You’re ruining all my fun, Kuro-mu!” Fai said, and, without any warning, settled himself on Kurogane’s lap.

“Maybe I ought to get you home,” Kurogane said as he gestured for the waitress to bring over his tab. People were starting to stare. “You’re quite drunk.”

“It’s like I’m in University again,” Fai said with a laugh. “I used to do this nearly every night.”

“I’m sure you regretted that in the mornings,” Kurogane commented.

“Mm,” Fai sighed. “I used to wake up with someone new every morning. Didn’t remember anything or how I got there, but I guess I must have had a lot of fun back then.”

“That’s…” Kurogane didn’t get a chance to say exactly what he thought of that before he had to pull out his card and pay the exorbitantly high bill. “Come on. You need to get to bed. If you need to vomit, don’t do it on me. The only person whose vomit I’m willing to clean up is Syaoran’s.”

“Kuro-daddy is such a good father,” Fai purred as Kurogane half dragged him out of the bar. He couldn’t take a step on his own without swaying dangerously, so eventually Kurogane held him up with his one good arm.

It was a long walk back to the beach house, and Fai did not make it easy. He kept getting distracted by odd cloud formations or birds or strange noises. Eventually Kurogane got sick of it and threw him over his shoulder until they reach the front door. “Now be quiet,” he hissed. “We don’t need the kids knowing how drunk you are. Toya-kun would probably murder me.”

“Toya likes you. He told me,” Fai said, and was promptly hushed as Kurogane guided him up the stairs and into the master bedroom. 

“You ought to take off your shoes,” Kurogane said as he closed the door. When he turned around Fai was in only his underwear “...or you could just take off all your clothes.”

“I have condoms in the drawer,” Fai said. “I might pass out soon, so I’m not sure how good it’d be, but I’m sure I can satisfy you.”

It took Kurogane a minute to realize he had just been propositioned. “I couldn’t do that--Fai, you’re very drunk.”

“But you want to,” Fai said, inclining his head. He crossed the room to where Kurogane was standing against the door. “You like me don’t you?”

“This isn’t the right time,” Kurogane said, and then Fai’s lips were on him, warm and wet, and tasting strongly of alcohol. Fai was intoxicating, and Kurogane would be lying if he said a part of him didn’t want to push him into the bed and take things further, but that would be all wrong. He didn’t want to treat Fai that way. He turned his head away, breaking the kiss. He saw a brief flash of hurt in Fai’s eyes, which was quickly replaced by a smile.

“You’re right, I ought to get some sleep,” Fai said, and made his way back to the bed.

“Fai, it’s not that I don’t care about you,” Kurogane said, following Fai. “It’s that I do care. I don’t want to get you drunk and take advantage of that. If we’re going to do this, then we should do this properly.”

“I won’t be brave enough to do this sober, you know,” Fai said, looking away.

“Then I can wait,” Kurogane said. He pulled the blanket up over Fai’s shoulders, and watched Fai’s eyes flutter shut. “You are trouble. It’s a good thing your kids are so well-behaved. I don’t think the world is ready for more than one of you.”

“There used to be two of me,” Fai said, his voice distant.

“What?” Kurogane asked, amused.

“I was a twin. Identical,” Fai said.

“You’re telling me you have a twin brother I don’t know about?” Kurogane asked. It was true Fai never spoke about his family, but Kurogane thought that they were close enough he would at least know about a brother. But maybe he was wrong about that. Fai nodded. “Well--where is he?” Kurogane asked. Wordlessly, Fai lifted one hand from under the blanket and pointed upwards. Stupidly, Kurogane looked up at the ceiling before understanding his meaning. “Oh,” he said, “I’m sorry.”

“’S not your fault,” Fai slurred as he rolled over so his back was to Kurogane. Then he quietly said, “it’s mine.”

Fai didn’t say anything else after that, and eventually Kurogane returned to his room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane brings up Fai's drunken confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post this chapter initially, but it's pretty short. Oops...  
> cw: brief mention of child abuse

Fai

 

Fai woke up to a pounding headache. He didn’t want to get out of bed, but eventually the need to pee, hunger, and the knowledge that there was ibuprofen downstairs conspired to get him to the bathroom, into a bathrobe, and then downstairs. 

From the stairs he could smell breakfast, though it was late enough that he expected the kids--even Sakura--to be up already. He walked into the kitchen to see Kurogane preparing food.

“Good morning,” Kurogane said. “I made you food. It’s not great, but it’ll help. There’s also water and tea and some painkillers.”

“Thank you,” Fai said, sitting down at the table, where Kurogane joined him. “You didn’t have to do all this.”

“I felt bad for getting you so drunk,” Kurogane admitted.

“You didn’t pour the drinks down my throat, Kuro-sama,” Fai said, with a bit of an edge to his voice.

“Still, I said I’d take care of you,” Kurogane said. “So this is me, taking care of you. Just shut up and enjoy it.”

“Well, your bedside manner leaves something to be desired,” Fai said. “But the food is good.” While Fai ate Kurogane watched him, idly wondering if he was going to mention the kiss. Did he remember, or did he think he could just pretend it had never happened? Kurogane wasn’t about to forget about it, but there was something he wanted to bring up first.

“You talk a lot when you’re drunk,” he commented.

“Did I say anything embarrassing?” Fai asked. 

Kurogane shrugged. “A lot of things normal people would be embarrassed by, but for you… nothing out of the ordinary. But you… you mentioned your brother.”

Fai froze with his fork halfway to his mouth. His hand shook slightly before he regained his composure, set his fork down, smiled up at Kurogane and said, “Wow, I haven’t talked about Yuui in years. What did I say?”

“That he died, and that you blame yourself for it,” Kurogane said, not breaking eye contact.

“Very dark,” Fai said, forcing a little laugh. “People say all sorts of things when they’re drunk, you know.” Kurogane wanted to ask a hundred more questions, interrogate him, pull the truth from his lips, but he knew if he did that he would shatter what trust he had built with Fai. Fai had his own reasons for keeping his brother, and most of his family, a secret, and Kurogane would have to respect that.

“Well, keep your secrets if you like, but if you ever want to tell me about him, you can,” Kurogane said. Fai gave him an odd look, and it made Kurogane uncomfortable so he said, “eat your food. It’ll get cold.”

 

Later that afternoon they took Syaoran and Sakura on a hike up a cliff.

“Where are Toya-kun and Yukito-kun?” Kurogane asked.

“I think they rented a boat for the day,” Fai said. “Trying to get some time alone.”

“Are they together?” Kurogane asked.

“Not yet,” Fai said with a smile. “It’s really only a matter of time though. I hope Toya tells me when it happens, but I think I’ll know anyways. They’re pretty obvious.”

“And you’re okay with them sharing a room and everything?” Kurogane asked.

Fai laughed, “If they’re going to have sex, they’re going to do it. I don’t think I can stop it, and I don’t see why I should try. They respect one another, and they’re old enough to know what they’re doing. I don’t want to control my kids: I just want them to trust me. As long as they’re safe, they can do what they want.”

“Why did you decide to become a father?” Kurogane asked.

“Where did that question come from, Kuro-taka?” Fai asked with a laugh. 

“Nothing, it’s just… you don’t seem to like commitment, but you have two kids, who you love very much and are very dedicated to. I just wanted to know why.”

“Who says I don’t like commitment?” Fai asked.

“Maybe it’s just me you’re not sure about then,” Kurogane said.

Fai paused to look about the cliffs, then slowly said, “Growing up, I was a ward of the state, back home in Sweden. But I didn’t get lucky like Syaoran and Sakura and Toya. The homes I ended up in… it was difficult. I just wanted someone in the same situation to have a good experience. You go from place to place thinking this time you might find people that will give you the love you deserve, but it’s always… my childhood wasn’t the best.”

“I didn’t know,” Kurogane said softly.

“Well I’m glad you don’t know,” Fai said. “It means you never searched me on your police database.”

“I wouldn’t do that!” Kurogane protested. “That would be an abuse of power. And besides, I’d have to specially request your records from Sweden, and I’d need some sort of reason.”

“So you’ve thought about it?” Fai asked him.

“No,” Kurogane said. “I’m just telling you how it works. It’s not like the net.”

“Good to know,” Fai said. “An odd pair of parents we make, don’t we?” Fai, of course, had already heard the story of how Kurogane had found Syaoran. Had heard it a few times, and had only even commented that perhaps it was better that the boy didn’t remember. “ _ Some things are better left forgotten”  _ he had said.

 

Kurogane

 

On their last night in the beach house, Fai came over to Kurogane’s room with a bottle of sake.

“I’m not taking care of you again,” Kurogane said, glaring between Fai and the sake.

“Oh, it’s mostly for you,” Fai said. “I’m only going to have a little. I don’t want you to know any more of my secrets.”

“Well come in then,” Kurogane said, opening the door wide enough for Fai to slip through.

“It’s been fun hasn’t it?” Fai said as he poured two cups. “Are you glad you came?”

“Syaoran seems to have enjoyed himself,” Kurogane said.

“I wasn’t asking about Syaoran-kun,” Fai said. “I was asking about you. Are you relaxed? Did you enjoy your time here? Or did I annoy you too much?”

“You weren’t too bad,” Kurogane said. “I like seeing you around your kids. It’s nice.”

“Kuro-chan is so sweet!” Fai squealed.

The bottle was empty before Kurogane finally got around to saying what he’d meant to bring up several days earlier. “Fai,” he said “How much do you remember about the night you got drunk?”

“I remember you were my knight in shining armor,” Fai said. “Kuro-chi took very good care of me.”

“Do you remember kissing me?”

Fai didn’t respond right away, but rather made a point of setting the sake bottle and cups on the floor before turning to face Kurogane again. “I’m sorry, Kuro-sama. I know I crossed a line. I understand why you wouldn’t want to get involved with me.”

“I do want to get involved with you, idiot!” Kurogane said, and the words were out and he could not take them back.

“Really?” Fai said.

“Yes,” Kurogane said. “It’s just, I don’t want it to be some drunken hookup where you don’t even know what’s going on. I wanted it to be while you were sober.”

“I’m sober now,” Fai said, and flashed him a mischievous smile. “Unless you’re too drunk to perf--umph.” Kurogane cut him off with a kiss, and this one was indescribably better than the last. Fai’s hands tangled in Kurogane’s hair. And Kurogane snaked his arm around Fai’s waist. Pushing his knee between Fai’s thigh, Kurogane reached up to grab one of Fai’s hands and then pushed him down into the bed, never breaking the contact at their lips. Fai was arching against him and entwining their legs together, and when Kurogane started leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses down his jaw he let out soft moans.

“Don’t wake the kids,” Kurogane whispered.

“You’d better keep my mouth occupied then,” Fai gasped, and soon Kurogane’s mouth was back on his, and it felt so  _ right _ . He wanted to stay that way forever, but he could feel Kurogane’s erection pushing into his thigh, and he was getting hard himself. Fai wiggled his hand in between their bodies until he could grasp Kurogane through his pants, “You want me to take care of this for you?”

“I don’t need you to,” Kurogane said as he moved on to kissing the corner of Fai’s mouth, and then his cheeks, down to his jawline.

“I could go get the condoms,” Fai offered. “Or if you don’t want to wait I know plenty of other ways to make you feel good.”

“I want to make you feel good,” Kurogane said, pulling Fai’s errant hand back up to pin it by his head. “I want to make you feel special.”

Fai didn’t speak after that, but when Kurogane kissed the corners of his eyes he thought they tasted salty.

“It it okay?” Kurogane asked him. Fai just nodded and drew their lips together, then wrapped his legs around Kurogane’s hips, drawing him as close as possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane and Fai's first date

Kurogane

 

“Are you avoiding me?” Kurogane demanded.

“I’m sitting in your kitchen, drinking your tea, aren’t I?” Fai answered, glancing at Kurogane from across the kitchen counter. “It doesn’t seem like someone who’s avoiding you.”

“We both know that if Sakura hadn’t gotten cake batter all over herself and didn’t need a change of clothes, you would have been out of here in two seconds.”

Fai shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”

“You practically shove me out of the house when I come by,” Kurogane said. “You used to trap me there.”

“What are you getting at, Kuro-puu?” Fai asked, exasperated.

“I don’t understand you,” Kurogane growled, careful to keep himself from shouting. He didn’t want the kids to hear this. “You go from wanting to sleep together to pretending nothing ever happened and trying to avoid me. It’s like you’re the one who doesn’t want to get involved with me.”

“I’m not the sort of person anybody should get involved with,” Fai said. “I wouldn’t want anybody getting hurt because they got close to me.”

“Are you planning on hurting me?” Kurogane demanded.

“No,” Fai said. “But it happens every time. I make good people do horrible things, or horrible things happen to people just because they were close to me.”

“That’s bullshit,” Kurogane said. “You can’t hide behind an excuse like that.”

“It’s true,” Fai insisted. “If you knew about my past--”

“I don’t give a fuck about your past,” Kurogane said. “So stop screwing around and think about the future.”

“What do you suggest, Kuro-ron?” Fai asked.

“Dinner,” Kurogane said.

“What?” Fai asked.

“Dinner,” Kurogane repeated. “That’s what people do when they’re interested in each other, isn’t it? The kids can be left on their own for one night, and I can take you out, buy you expensive food, and walk you to your door. And then I might kiss you goodnight. Do you think I’ll get struck by lightning or go on a murder spree from taking you out to dinner?”

“No…” Fai said slowly.

“Good,” Kurogane said. “Then I think Saturday night should work nicely.”

 

Fai

 

Fai hadn’t been this nervous about a date in some time. Granted, he had not been on a date in some time. When he was in school, there had been men who had helped him pay for rent and textbooks and groceries in exchange for sex and companionship, but he wasn’t sure that really counted. Now he was in front of the mirror for forty minutes, trying to get his hair to look perfect. He knew Kurogane liked his hair. Japanese men tended to be interested in his blonde hair and blue eyes--it was so unusual here. He was used to using the foreigner appeal to his advantage when he wanted to get laid. He frequently pretended to be worse at speaking Japanese than he actually was to get a guy to “show him around” and then take him back to his place. But Kurogane liked him for a lot more than his blonde hair and pale skin, and that terrified him.

Fai straightened his tie and then headed downstairs where Toya was getting started on dinner. “You’re sure you’ll be okay with the kids?” Fai asked.

“Yes,” Toya said. “Yuki is coming over, so he can deal with the brat.”

“You shouldn’t call him that,” Fai said. “It’s rude, and also Kurogane would beat you up.”

“No he wouldn’t,” Toya said. “He likes you too much to do something like that.”

“Well don’t use that as an excuse,” Fai said. He started bouncing on the balls of his feet. “If you run into any problems you can always phone me. I’ll come home early.”

“We’ll be fine,” Toya assured him. “You need to get out more. And not just ‘working late.’ You should do something for yourself for once.”

“What?” Fai asked.

“I’m not a child,” Toya said. “Anyways, I’m happy to watch the kids if it means you might find someone who makes you happy. You deserve that. You’ve done a lot for us, but you’ve always been lonely.”

“Sometimes I think you notice a bit too much, Toya-kun,” Fai said.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, and Fai hurried over to let Kurogane and Syaoran in. “Be good for Toya-kun,” Kurogane instructed his son. Syaoran nodded.

“I wouldn’t worry about him,” Fai said, taking Kurogane’s arm to lead him to the sidewalk.

“Where are we going?” Kurogane asked.

“Train station,” Fai answered. “And then into the city. There’s a place I want to take you. It’s somewhere I went all the time when I lived closer to Tokyo. You can meet some of my friends.”

“I didn’t know you lived near Tokyo,” Kurogane said.

“I was living by the military base,” Fai said. “But I got into the city often enough. Not many opportunities for fun on the base.”

“I see,” Kurogane said. “I’d be interested to meet your friends.”

“I’m not sure you’ll like them,” Fai admitted. “Yuko can rub people the wrong way. But she really helped me when I was new to this country.”

Kurogane spent the train ride in silence while Fai pointed out various sights and landmarks. Occasionally, he pointed out buildings, bridges and other structures he had built. “You know I did the metro around here too,” he said. “The train station was already around though, so I didn’t have anything to do with that.”

“You’re pretty good, aren’t you?” Kurogane asked.

“I’m the best,” Fai said with a grin. “I got started with vehicles though. Sometimes car companies approach me. I wouldn’t say no to the right offer. But nothing that would take me out of town.”

“Good,” Kurogane said. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“So sweet of you, Kuro-puppy,” Fai said, snuggling up against Kurogane’s side.

“I’m not some dog,” Kurogane protested, but it was only half-hearted.

“I think the next stop is ours,” Fai said, glancing up at the display. “We’d better start fighting our way to the door.”

Kurogane nodded and stood up, walking with Fai to the sliding doors, where they waited for their stop. Fai had not taken him to the best part of town, so he kept close to Fai, but not close enough to suggest they might be a couple. 

“Yuko-san’s restaurant is this way,” Fai said, pulling Kurogane through dark alleyways that smelled of piss and stale alcohol.

“So this is where you used to go to have fun?” Kurogane asked.

“Don’t worry, Yuko-san and Watanuki and Doumeki kept me out of trouble for the most part,” Fai said with a grin. “And I can take care of myself better than you think. I’ve been on my own for a long time. I learned how to deal with all sorts of troublesome situations.”

“I’m sure you did,” Kurogane sighed. 

“But it’s good to know that nothing will happen as long as I have officer Kuro-sama by my side. Did you bring your gun with you? How about your handcuffs? You know, we could have fun with your handcuffs sometime.”

“I thought we were taking things slowly,” Kurogane growled.

“I know, I know,” Fai said, waving his hand. “But I like seeing you twitch.”

“I suppose I can’t stop you from talking about it,” Kurogane said.

“Oh look, there’s Yuko-san’s place!” Fai said, pointing to a dilapidated little building.

“You know, I would have taken you somewhere fancy,” Kurogane said. 

“I wanted to come here,” Fai said. “I wanted you to meet my friends.”

Kurogane paused to realize what that meant coming from Fai. For Fai to show him a part of his life, a piece of his past, that was a gesture of trust.

“Come here,” Kurogane said, and, wrapping an arm around Fai’s waist, pulled him in for a kiss.

“What was that for, Kuro-chii?” Fai asked when Kurogane released him.

“Because I felt like it,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “Do I need a reason?”

“No, you can do that whenever you like,” Fai said with a smile. “Now let’s go.” He took Kurogane’s hand and led him into the restaurant, which had no name displayed, just a sign with a picture of a butterfly. 

Inside, a woman was lounging on a sofa with a long cigar, wearing a traditional kimono. She smiled when she saw Fai and stood up. “Fai-san. This is a surprise! This must the tall, dark handsome man you told me about on the phone. It’s unlike you to bring men here.”

“Yes, this is Kuro-chan. He’s special,” Fai said, slinging his arm around Kurogane’s shoulder.

“It’s Kurogane!” Kurogane insisted. 

“Kuro-tan is very fond of sake,” Fai said.

“Well of course I only carry the best,” Yuko said with a grin. “But there will be none for you. I know how you get, and I’m not sending you home drunk with some stranger.”

“Yes, Kuro-in already had to take care of me one night. He was very respectable, of course,” Fai said.

“Good,” Yuko said. “I’ll show you to your seats, and then I’ll be out with something for Kurogane-san to drink.” She parted a beaded curtain and lead them to the seating area. There weren’t many tables, and only a few held customers. Still, the place was clean, and it smelled like something good was cooking. 

“Watanuki-san is a very good cook,” Fai said. “He’s very funny.”

“How did you meet these people?” Kurogane asked.

Fai shrugged. “I got into a spot of trouble when I was new to the country. I was only ever hired by the military, not being a citizen I was never actually a member of the army. Still, sleeping with a general was not the best decision on my part, and with my job in danger, my visa was on the line. I was worried I would have to leave the country, and Yuko knew the right people to get it all smoothed over. It was for a price, of course, but nothing I couldn’t manage.”

“I see,” Kurogane said. “So she does more than manage a restaurant.”

Fai hummed. “Nothing too illegal,” he said cheerily. Kurogane glared at him. “Don’t worry, she doesn’t run the mafia or anything. She just knows people who do. Mostly she just knows everyone’s secrets. But you have plausible deniability.”

“I should have known you wouldn’t have normal friends,” Kurogane sighed. “I was half expecting you to take me to a strip club.”

“I think I have a few friends, if you want to go…”

“I don’t want to go to a strip club,” Kurogane said firmly. 

“Here are your menus,” said a this boy with black hair and glasses before shoving menus at Kurogane and Fai. 

“Thank-you Watanuki-san,” Fai said. “What’s the best item on the menu tonight?”

“The fish is good, but you wouldn’t like that, would you?” Watanuki said. 

“Mm, maybe get that for Kuro-rin. You can surprise me with something good. You know what kinds of things I like,” Fai said, handing the menus back to Watanuki. “Tell me, how’s Doumeki-san?”

“He’s being a complete asshole!” Watanuki shouted.

“Coming from you, that’s basically a love declaration,” Fai said dreamily. “Give him a kiss for me.” Watanuki glared at him and stalked off. 

“You didn’t tell me you don’t like fish,” Kurogane commented. 

“I’ll eat fresh fish, and I like sushi, but I can’t stand pickled or preserved. I just don’t like the fishy taste, you know.”

“Don’t Swedes eat pickled fish all the time?” Kurogane asked.

“Unfortunately,” Fai sighed. “I left for a reason, you know.”

“Hey,” Kurogane said. “I’ve fed you fish before! You didn’t say anything. I didn’t even notice...”

“Mm,” Fai hummed. “ What can I say? I’m very good at swallowing nasty-tasting things. It’s only polite.”

“Am I interrupting something?” Yuko had arrived with a bottle of sake and two cups. She filled Fai’s halfway and then poured Kurogane a full glass. “Watanuki will be out with your food too. It’s Maru and Moro’s day off so Watanuki has to play waiter as well. He keeps saying I should help, but I have better things to do.”

“Like drink sake in the back room?” Fai asked, earning himself a light slap on the arm.

“Get back to talking with your boyfriend,” Yuko said and return to the bar.

Fai opened his mouth, and Kurogane knew it was going to be about some dumb, irrelevant topic so he cut him off. “Fai,” he said. “What do you want us to be?”

“I don’t know,” Fai admitted. “I don’t know if I’m ready to be anybody’s boyfriend, but I want something a little more than...well, a little more than just sex, you know. I just don’t know that I’m meant to have relationships.”

“Can you try?” Kurogane asked. “I know what I’m asking of you. I know you could get hurt if this doesn’t work out, but I think this could be good. But if you don’t want to be my boyfriend yet, we can wait on that. Just tell me when you’re ready.”

“I can try if it’s with you,” Fai said. “Just don’t push me too far too fast or I’ll have to run away.”

“You have to tell me if you’re thinking of running,” Kurogane said.

Fai laughed. “I’m  _ always _ thinking of running, Kuro-ron.”

 

Halfway through their meal--which was very good--Kurogane finished the bottle of sake and went to the bar to get something else to drink. “Do you want wine?” He asked Fai.

“One glass won’t hurt,” Fai said. 

Yuko was waiting at the bar when Kurogane got there. “I want--” he started to say, but she cut him off.

“I have better taste than you,” she said, and opened a bottle of wine. “Don’t question the cost. Fai deserves the best.”

“Yes,” Kurogane admitted, glancing over at Fai who smiled and waved at him. “Yes he does.”

“You have to take good care of him,” Yuko said as she poured two glasses. “He talks dirty, but he just wants somebody to pamper him and make him feel good and treat him gently. If you hurt him, he won’t say a word, he’ll just disappear once he gets the chance. You have to be very careful with him.”

“Okay,” Kurogane said.

Yuko passed him a tray with two glasses and the rest of the bottle. “And if you hurt him, you’ll have me to deal with. And I’m not an enemy you want. I could end you.” Kurogane believed her.

“What were you and Yuko-san talking about?” Fai asked when Kurogane returned with drinks.

“You,” Kurogane said, passing Fai his drink. “She’s the second person to threaten me if I hurt you.”

“Who was the first?” Fai asked.

“Who do you think?” Kurogane asked.

“Toya-kun?” Fai asked. Kurogane nodded.

“He told me he’d murder me,” Kurogane said with a smile.

“He shouldn’t have said that,” Fai sighed. “Murdering a police officer can get you into a lot of trouble.”

“He loves you a lot,” Kurogane commented.

“I know,” Fai said. 

“You’re a good father,” Kurogane said.

“You too, Kuro-daddy,” Fai laughed. Of course he had to ruin a nice moment.

“Don’t call me that, it’s weird,” Kurogane said.

“You know, men have asked me to call them ‘daddy’ before,” Fai disclosed. “For sex, of course.”

“I don’t want to know that kind of thing!” Kurogane said.

“Is Kuro-daddy jealous?”

“NO!”

“It’s not the weirdest thing I’ve done in bed either,” Fai said. “Are you into anything weird? You can tell me. Is it spanking? Tying people up? Being tied up?”

“None of those,” Kurogane hissed. “And if you ever, ever call me ‘daddy’ in a sexual situation we’ll be done for the night.”

“Yes daddy.”

Kurogane groaned and buried his forehead in his hands.

 

They got back to Fai’s house fairly late, but the kids were still up, playing a board game. 

“Time for bed, Sakura-chan,” Fai said. Sakura must have been tired, because she went upstairs with no protest.

“Let’s get you in the car,” Kurogane said to Syaoran.

“Can I sit in the front?” Syaoran asked.

“Fine,” Kurogane sighed. Fai followed him out to the car while Syaoran strapped himself in. The boy looked tired enough to fall asleep on the ride home.

“Are we going to do this again?” Fai asked when Kurogane closed the passenger door. 

“I was going to ask,” Kurogane said.

“Well it’s my turn to take you out,” Fai said. “I know I planned this date, but next time I’ll pay. One of these days I might even let you choose the place. If I keep you around that long.”

Fai made his way back to his house, but turned around in surprise when he felt Kurogane’s hand on his arm.

“I said I’d walk you to your door,” Kurogane said.

“I’ve already been inside,” Fai said with a laugh.

“I’m trying to be fucking romantic,” Kurogane said. Fai smiled and allowed Kurogane to walk with him to the front door. “I’ll see you around,” Kurogane said.

“I’m sure of it,” Fai said with a smile. Kurogane reached up to stroke his cheek, and the gently pulled his chin into a kiss. Fai wrapped his arms around Kurogane’s neck and let one kiss become two, and then three.

“I should take Syaoran home,” Kurogane said, breaking away.

“You’re right,” Fai said. “Goodnight, Kuro-tan.”

“Goodnight Fai.”

When Fai got inside Toya and Yukito were on the sofa watching a television program. “How was your date?” Toya asked.

“It was very nice,” Fai answered with a dreamy smile. “Kuro-pon is quite the gentleman. Are you spending the night, Yukito-kun?”

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Yukito answered.

“It’s never any trouble,” Fai said. “You’re always welcome. You two have a good evening. I’m going to go upstairs for the night.” 

As he went upstairs he heard Yukito say, “Toya, your hair is all messed up. Here, let me fix it.” Fai shook his head.  _ The poor boy tries so hard,  _ he thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane spends the night ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I forgot to post a chapter, so if you've been reading along, go back and read chapter 4 to fill in the gap  
> -there's some shower smut in here for you

Kurogane

 

Kurogane was already late for work when his mother called. Despite his insistence that he needed to leave for the station, she insisted on asking if he was eating enough, what he was feeding Syaoran, how Syaoran was doing in school, and whether he was going to physical therapy regularly.

“If you don’t take care of that arm you’ll have to take the prosthetic off,” she reminded him.

“I know,” Kurogane insisted. “I’m just busy. I’ve got work, and Syaoran, and then there’s--”

He cut himself off, but it was too late. “What else?” his mother asked.

“Nothing,” Kurogane lied. 

“Is there something new in your life?” she pressed.

“To be completely honest, I’ve been seeing someone,” Kurogane admitted. “But I can’t answer all your questions right now. I have to get to work.”

“How long?” she demanded to know.

“Tonight will be our second real date,” Kurogane sighed. “We’ve known each other a few months. His daughter Sakura is friends with Syaoran, so we’ve spent a lot of time together.”

“Is it serious?” she asked.

Kurogane paused. “I’m serious about it. But he… he’s complicated. Now I really do have to go.”

“You can’t leave me with just that,” his mother scolded. “You’re going to have to tell me more or I’ll keep calling you all day.”

Accepting the fact he would be hopelessly late to work, Kurogane groaned and said, “His name is Fai. He’s from Sweden originally, but he’s been in Japan for about sixteen years. He adopted two kids, Sakura and Toya, seven years ago. Sakura is ten, and Toya is seventeen. He’s an engineer, and quite successful. Is that enough for you?”

“That’s enough,” she said. “It’s just--I’m happy for you. When do your father and I get to meet him?”

“Meet him?” Kurogane sputtered. “That’s a little soon don’t you think? Who knows, maybe next time you visit you can have tea with him. But I’m not promising anything.”

“Alright, I’ll let you go then,” his mother sighed. “But I expect more details later.”

Kurogane groaned and set down the phone. He was going to be really late, and he had a lot of work to do.

 

Kurogane called Fai at five thirty, with a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Hi Kuro-chan!” Fai said, picking up the phone on the second ring.

“Fai,” Kurogane said. “I have a lot of work to do. I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish on time. I don’t know if you made dinner reservations, but can they be pushed back at all?”

“Oh,” Fai said. “Well, I bought us theater tickets for seven. But if you need to work, we can just go to the cinema instead.”

Kurogane groaned. “I don’t want to miss a show you went to the trouble of getting tickets for. What train should we get on?”

“The six-thirty train might be cutting it close, but we should be able to make it. It’s not quite in the heart of the city,” Fai answered.

“Could we meet at the train station?” Kurogane asked. “I wanted to pick you up, but Syaoran can get to your place on his own, and if we meet there I might have time to finish up this paperwork.”

“Okay,” Fai said excitedly. “It’ll probably be busy, so I’ll wait for you by the entrance.”

“You know what, this is stupid,” Kurogane said. “The train station isn’t far from here. Why don’t you just come to pick me up from work? Then we can head over together. No need for you to stand outside waiting for me.”

“But aren’t you worried about people seeing you leave with me?” Fai asked.

“I don’t care,” Kurogane said. “It’s just petty office gossip anyways. Now I really ought to get back to this work if you want to make it to that show.”

 

Kurogane finished his work on time somehow, so he stretched, cracked his knuckles, and walked into the main room. “Well,” he said to his officers. “I think it’s time we headed home.” He was usually the last one out of the office, but now part of him was hoping everyone else had work left to do so they wouldn’t see him leave with Fai.  _ Never be ashamed,  _ he told himself as four men followed him into the elevator. He didn’t pay attention to their chatter: he made a point of removing himself from the officers. Still, when the elevator doors opened and he saw Fai sitting in the lobby, he couldn’t help but notice as one man elbowed another and hissed, “what is  _ he _ doing here.”

“Probably here to confess to being a pervert,” his friend responded.

“Those kinds never confess.”

Kurogane made a point of fixing all four men with a steady stare before walking directly to Fai. “Kuro-sama,” he said with a mild smile “You finished on time.” Kurogane realized he was trying to be discreet. 

Throwing discretion out the window, Kurogane took Fai by the hand and led him towards the door, saying, “I had a reason to get my work done, didn’t I?”

Fai latched onto his arm and leaned into him as they walked to the train station, and neither of them looked back.

 

The show went later than expected, and by the time they went out for dinner got home Fai was yawning, and Kurogane was rather tired himself. He had to admit, Fai knew how to treat him. They had gotten box seats at a very popular theater and then gone to one of the trendier restaurants in Tokyo.

The kitchen light in Fai’s house was on, but other than that, the house was dark. Toya was sitting up, doing some homework. “Is Sakura-chan asleep?” Fai asked.

“Yeah,” Toya said. “The brat got tired, so I put him on the futon in my room.”

“Thank you Toya-kun,” Kurogane said. “I suppose I should go wake him up.”

“Do you or Syaoran have anything important to get to in the morning?” Fai asked.

“No,” Kurogane said. 

“Well why don’t the two of you just spend the night here,” Fai proposed. “Syaoran is already set up in Toya’s room, and you can stay with me.”

“So I have to room with the brat?” Toya protested.

“Yes,” Fai said with a smile. “I knew you’d understand. Now Kuro-tan, do you think our relationship is at the level of sharing a toothbrush yet?”

“I don’t want to be here for this,” Toya growled and stalked up the stairs.

“About the toothbrush...” Fai said.

“I can use yours,” Kurogane said. “I don’t feel like going out to the store at this time.”

“Good,” Fai said. “Then let’s go to bed. I’m exhausted.”

They washed up quickly, both deciding to forgo showers until the morning. Fai didn’t have anything that would fit Kurogane, so he was forced to sleep in his shorts.

“I usually sleep naked, but I suppose you’d be more comfortable if I left some shorts on,” Fai said, coming out of the bathroom in a very tight pair of underwear that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Kurogane gulped.

“Er, yes I’d prefer that,” he said. “And, um, I’m going to take this off now,” he said, gesturing at his prosthetic. “So if you get up don’t freak out when you see a disembodied arm sitting on the bedside table.”

“Good to know,” Fai said with a laugh.

“I left it lying around the bathroom once and terrified Syaoran,” Kurogane admitted as he began undoing the straps. Fai did not offer his help: he knew Kurogane would hate that, he just continued with his nightly routine, while keeping an eye on what Kurogane was doing. Once he had the main prosthetic off, Kurogane removed the silicone socket, and inspected both for any damage. “Have you got any lotion?” He asked Fai. “Ideally something that doesn’t smell like flowers?”

“Is vanilla okay?” Fai asked, looking through his lotions. “I also have cinnamon.”

“Cinnamon I guess,” Kurogane sighed. He went to the bathroom and wiped his shoulder down, then held out his hand for Fai to pump some lotion into his hand, which he rubbed into his residual limb.

“Do you do that every night?” Fai asked.

“Yeah,” Kurogane said. “I have to make sure I don’t get blisters.”

“It’s just cosmetic isn’t it?” Fai asked, looking at the prosthetic arm.

“Yep,” Kurogane said. “I couldn’t afford one of the fancy ones, but it felt weird going without it. Sometimes I consider getting rid of it, since it’s not like it’s doing anything for me, but I like the feeling of having it.”

“I imagine it’s normal to miss your arm,” Fai commented. “Is there anything else you need? I didn’t think of your arm when I invited you to stay the night.”

“Have you got a cloth bandage?” Kurogane asked. “I’ll be fine without it for the night if you don’t.”

“I think I have one,” Fai said and went to check the medicine cabinet. Sure enough, he found a bandage, which he presented to Kurogane. 

“Thanks,” Kurogane said as he wrapped it around his residual limb.

“Whatever you need,” Fai said. 

“Not just for that,” Kurogane said. “Thanks for treating me like I can do things on my own. You should see the way my parents treated me after the injury. I needed to learn to use my one arm, but I swear they were picking up everything as soon as I looked at it, cutting up my food, opening doors, trying to dress me. It drove me crazy.”

“I imagine it would,” Fai said. “You seem like you know what you’re doing,” Fai said. “But it’s not a bad thing to let others take care of you every once and awhile.”

“You’re one to talk,” Kurogane snorted. “Now let’s get to bed. I’m exhausted.”

 

Kurogane woke in the middle of the night to find Fai wrapped around him, like some sort of koala bear. Perplexingly, Fai had fallen asleep face down, and Kurogane had wondered how he could breathe through the pillow, but now his face was buried in Kurogane’s chest. Kurogane still didn’t know how he could breathe, but rather than worry about it, he just placed his hand on Fai’s back and enjoyed the closeness.

 

Fai

 

Fai woke up warm and content. Someone was holding him, and he tried to sink deeper into the feeling of warm skin against him. Then he heard Kurogane grunt. 

“What?” Fai asked, lifting his head.

“Your hair is in my mouth,” Kurogane complained.

“Sorry,” Fai said. He reached up to brush his hair out of his face, but Kurogane got there first, and his hand stayed on his cheeks longer than was strictly necessary.

“I don’t mind,” Kurogane said. “I liked spending the night here.”

“Maybe we can do it again,” Fai suggested.

“Yeah,” Kurogane agreed.

“Only, next time there should be sex,” Fai suggested.

“Do you think of anything else?” Kurogane asked.

“You’ve thought about it, haven’t you?” Fai asked, rolling his hips against Kurogane’s. “We’ve been on two proper dates and spent the night together. It’s not ridiculous.”

“No, it’s not,” Kurogane said. He glanced at his watch. “I ought to shower before I leave.” He sat up and walked to the bathroom, where he turned back to look at Fai, who was still on the bed. “Well?” he said. “Are you going to join me or not?”

Fai made it to the bathroom in a matter of seconds, and without any warning his underwear was off. Kurogane didn’t have a chance to admire Fai’s body before long, slender fingers were tapping at the waistband of his shorts, and Fai was saying, “Is Kuro-tan going to get naked too, or just stare at me?”

“I was getting to it,” Kurogane growled as he pulled down his shorts.

“Wow,” Fai said. “I’m impressed, Kuro-pii. I hoped you’d be big and I’m not disappointed.”

“Just get in the shower,” Kurogane said, ushering Fai under the water, which had gotten a chance to heat up. As it turned out, Kurogane’s shower routine was quite a bit faster than Fai’s. He had thought that rubbing shampoo through his hair and then scrubbing soap over the appropriate places was enough, but not for Fai.

“I don’t get skin and hair like this for free,” Fai said, running conditioner through his hair. “I have to moisturize and exfoliate.”

“I’m not really sure what that means,” Kurogane admitted as Fai turned his back to him so he could rinse off his face. Kurogane just stood there and watched the way rivulets of water trickled down Fai’s skin, rolling down the curve of his spine, over his ass, and down his legs. Kurogane reached up to stroke Fai’s sides and was rewarded with an appreciative hum. 

“Kuro-horny will have to wait until I’m finished,” Fai said.

“I don’t mind watching,” Kurogane said.

“Oh, are you a voyeur?” Fai asked.

“That’s not what I meant!” Kurogane protested.

“I’ll find out, you know,” Fai said as he rubbed something else into his face. “You don’t have a foot thing do you? I didn’t get that feeling, but people can surprise you…”

“Are you done yet?” Kurogane asked. 

“All cleaned up,” Fai said, turning around to face Kurogane. He smiled and wrapped his arms around Kurogane’s neck, and Kurogane walked him into the back wall of the shower. Once Kurogane had Fai pinned, he began to kiss him, deeply, hungrily. Meanwhile his hand explored Fai’s body, pulling his thigh up to wrap around Kurogane’s hip, then kneading his fingers into Fai’s ass. Fai gasped when Kurogane pinched his nipple, so Kurogane leaned down to take the other nipple in his mouth. Flicking his tongue over the pink nub, he slowly sunk to his knees until he was facing Fai’s erection.

Kurogane knew he was nothing special when it came to oral sex, but he was confident he could still get Fai off well enough. This was his first time having sex since losing his left arm, and everything felt a little off, but when he started stroking Fai and kissing the insides of his thighs he felt more familiar. Fai’s hips were jerking by the time Kurogane finally brought his lips to the tip of his cock. Pushing Fai’s hips back into the wall, he looked up at him and said, “hold still. I don’t want to gag on you.”

“Wouldn’t want to hurt you, Kuro-rin,” Fai said, and grasped onto the edge of the bathtub to hold himself still while Kurogane closed his mouth around him. Kurogane reached down to stroke himself, but Fai grabbed his hand. Kurogane looked up at him, mouth still full of cock--a sight that made Fai’s heart pound--and Fai said, “I want to do that.”

Kurogane kept his grip on Fai’s hand while he worked his mouth in a steady bobbing motion. Truthfully, it wasn’t his favorite task, and usually he only did it when directly asked, but the soft sighs and moans Fai was making made it worth it, and he wanted to know how much noise he could make Fai make if they weren’t in a house full of sleeping children.

“Kuro-sama, I’m going to come,” Fai gasped. Kurogane took him in hand and worked his mouth around the base and sides of Fai’s cock, licking and sucking while his hand delivered steady strokes until Fai’s legs shook and white liquid spurted onto Kurogane’s hand. He stroked Fai gently until the last drops had come out and his breathing had evened out, and then Fai said, “come up here where I can kiss you.”

Kurogane stood and pulled Fai in for a kiss. He was achingly hard, and Fai was so close, he couldn’t resist rubbing himself against Fai’s stomach, and in a few moments Fai’s fingers were wrapped around his length, skillfully stroking up and down his erection.

“Fuck, Fai,” Kurogane gasped.

“That is more or less what we are doing,” Fai said with a smirk. “If you want to get to the main event I am amenable, but I’m not sure you’ll last that long.”

“I can last more than one round,” Kurogane protested. “Just not this morning. We have--ngh--things to do.”

“You’ll have to show me sometime,” Fai whispered in his ear. “What do you want right now? Do you want me on my knees? Do you want to fuck my throat? Do you want me to turn around so you can rub against my ass? If you’re into fucking armpits…”

“Just keep doing what you’re doing,” Kurogane gasped, choosing to ignore the last comment. “I’m not going to last.”

“So keep up the dirty talk?” Fai said as he continued to rub his hand up and down over Kurogane’s cock. “What’ll we do next time? When you finally fuck me, what position do you want to do it in? I like doggy style. I’d like getting on my hands and knees while you pound into me, hitting my prostate over and over. I could also ride you. You wouldn’t have to do a thing. I could face you, and you could watch my cock bounce, or we could do it backwards, so you could see my ass as you go in and out of me. And missionary doesn’t have to be boring you know. I could lie on your bed with my legs spread and my ass just at the edge of the bed, waiting for you to push into me. You’d get to see everything. You could play with my nipples again and--”

Fai was cut off when Kurogane let out a grunt and slumped against him, breathing hard. Fai continued to stroke him through his orgasm, and rubbed his back gently with his other hand.

“So you like dirty talk?” He commented. Kurogane only grunted in response. “Interesting. You got me dirty, Kuro-chan,” Fai laughed. Looking down, Kurogane saw cum all over Fai’s stomach. Before the shower washed everything away, Fai swiped his finger over some of the milky liquid and brought his finger to his mouth where he sucked it like a lollipop. Kurogane moaned as he watched Fai’s tongue dart over his finger, as if to savor the last taste. “Salty,” Fai commented. “I really ought to feed you more fruit. I hear pineapple does wonders.”

On a whim, Kurogane took Fai’s hand and kissed the pads of his fingers, right where the scars were deepest. He watched Fai’s eyes for any sign of fear or discomfort, but all he saw was surprise. Emboldened, Kurogane licked a stripe from the base of Fai’s middle finger to the tip.

“So,” Fai said when Kurogane released his hand. “You have a thing for hands.”

“I have a thing for  _ your  _ hands,” Kurogane growled. “And the man attached to them.”

“I think that’s one of the more romantic things anyone has ever said to me, you know,” Fai said with a grin. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane and Fai get some time alone together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -lots of smut  
> -like, it's 90% porn with some plot at the end

Fai

 

“Sakura-chan’s class is going on a trip,” Toya commented one evening as he and Fai were doing the dishes. 

“Yes,” Fai said slowly. “Camping. Sounds fun.”

“That means the brat will be gone as well,” Toya pointed out.

“What’s with the sudden concern for Syaoran-kun’s whereabouts? Trying to assassinate him?” Fai asked.

“No,” Toya said. “I’m saying, if you were to spend a few days somewhere other than here, or if you wanted someone to stay here for a few days, I could go to Yuki’s so you wouldn’t have to worry about me.”

Fai’s face lit up. “I don’t want to get rid of you,” he said.

“I don’t mind spending time with Yuki,” Toya said. “It beats babysitting all the time.”

“Then I appreciate it,” Fai said, suspecting Toya may have some ulterior motive besides pure altruism. Whatever his son’s reasons, he was not going to turn down an offer to spend three nights with Kurogane. Despite having been dating Kurogane more or less officially for over a month, they had yet to properly have sex. There was never time and privacy at the same time. There had been a few rushed blowjob and handjobs, but no time to get into anything more serious. Kurogane kept rejecting Fai’s more creative suggestions like having sex in a public restroom, or road head, or sneaking to a hotel during Kurogane’s lunch break. It wasn’t that Fai didn’t like having dinner with Kurogane and all the kids, or meeting him at work for lunch, or having a private moment for tea before he took Syaoran home, but Fai craved the physical contact. Even if it wasn’t sex, having spent the night wrapped around Kurogane had fulfilled some need deep inside him he wasn’t fully aware of. He was so used to getting his need for touch satisfied by strangers that to have it come from someone he felt genuine affection for was a foreign but not unwelcome feeling.

He called Kurogane up later that evening to share Toya’s agreement, and Kurogane quickly invited him to spend those few days at his apartment. Beaming, Fai set down the phone. He was finally, finally going to get laid.

 

Kurogane

 

The kids left for their class trip on Thursday, so that night Kurogane got home to find Fai making him dinner. He had given Fai a key for the next few days, but he didn’t plan on taking it back. 

“How was Kuro-rinta’s day?” Fai asked in a singsong voice.

“Fine,” Kurogane groaned. “I used to deal with murderers and gangbangers, but now it’s mostly parking violations and vandalism. Not very exciting to be honest.”

“Well I’ll try to be nice and interesting for you,” Fai said with a grin. “But first, food. I’m making Udon. You can drink if you want, but I expect those multiple rounds you talked about, and I don’t want to hear excuses about how you were drunk.”

“Do you ever like to top?” Kurogane asked as he reached for the sake and glasses.

“What?” Fai asked.

“You heard me,” Kurogane said. “Don’t make me repeat it.”

“Do you want to bottom?” Fai asked. “I assumed…”

“I’m not talking about me, I’m asking about you,” Kurogane said. “I want to know if you like topping.”

“I’ve only done it a few times,” Fai admitted. “When people have asked me to, but yeah, I suppose I liked it. I don’t know that I liked it better or worse. I’m just used to being on the bottom, and that’s ok. I like that quite a bit, you know. But what about you? I assumed you’d like to top since you’re so ‘take charge’ and everything.”

“I’ve never been on the bottom before,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “But if it was you, I’d be willing to give it a try. I don’t believe in asking you to do anything I’m not willing to do myself, and besides, it could be fun. You seem to enjoy it at least.”

“Well we have three days,” Fai said with a grin. “We can try all sorts of things.”

 

After dinner it didn’t take long for Fai to get Kurogane to bed. Clothes and the prosthetic came off quickly enough, and then Fai was on Kurogane’s lap, kissing him lazily. Kurogane took full advantage of the time to be able to touch Fai properly--stroke his sides, tangle fingers through his hair, run fingers over his spine. They kissed lazily for quite some time, letting the friction build up between them before Fai pulled away. “So, Kuro-sama,” he said. “Have you given any thought to which position you want to do first?”

“You choose,” Kurogane said, stroking Fai’s back. Fai whined.

“Do I have to?” Fai asked.

“Yes,” Kurogane said. “And you can stop thinking about which one you think I secretly want. I want to do whichever one is going to feel best for you, and we can switch as many times as you want.”

“You may come to regret that second part,” Fai said with a grin. “I’m very indecisive, you know.”

“I know that,” Kurogane said. “Why do you think I gave you the option?”

“Well if I get to choose…” Fai said and crawled off Kurogane’s lap. He looked over the bed for a while before pulling one of Kurogane’s pillows towards him. “You don’t mind if I get cum on this do you?” He asked. When Kurogane shook his head, Fai flipped over onto his stomach and positioned the pillow under his hips, arching his back up to give Kurogane full access while he rested his weight on his elbows. 

Kurogane pressed a kiss to the arch of Fai’s back, then pumped some lubricant onto his hands. Fai had chosen it, and of course it smelled like flowers. But it had a pump top, so Kurogane could easily dispense it without help, and he knew Fai had done that on purpose. He rubbed it over his finger to warm it up before gently stroking over Fai’s hole with his thumb. Fai sighed. Kurogane circled his thumb, pressing gently but not penetrating. Not yet. He teased Fai some more before finally pushing his index finger into him. Fai gasped. “Is it good?” Kurogane asked.

“Very good,” Fain answered. “Give me more.”

“Patience,” Kurogane instructed. He moved his finger in and out a few times before slowly pushing a second one in. He was met with remarkably little resistance. “Did you stretch yourself out?” He asked.

Fai nodded. “I used a toy earlier,” he admitted. “You never know how good someone’s going to be at prep, and I didn’t want it to hurt.”

“I’m very good at prep,” Kurogane said.

“I can tell,” Fai gasped as Kurogane began to scissor his fingers.

“Next time, bring the toy along and I’ll put it in for you,” Kurogane told him. Fai nodded, then let his head fall between his shoulders. Since Fai was already stretched out, Kurogane went ahead with his third finger, and this time the rings of Fai’s muscles constricted slightly around him, but only for a moment until Fai relaxed. Kurogane rubbed his ass cheek before moving his fingers in and out. While stroking inwards, he found Fai’s prostate, causing Fai to arch into him and let out a cry. “You like that,” Kurogane said. He drew his hands back, and pushed in again, going right back for the prostate.

“Ngh, yes,” Fai gasped. His back was covered in sweat, and he was pushing back into Kurogane’s fingers, asking for more. Kurogane gave it to him. Fai looked over his shoulder, grinning in anticipation, to watch as Kurogane rolled the condom on and lubed himself up. Kurogane put his hand by Fai’s shoulder and leaned in for a kiss before sitting back on his heels. He lined himself up with Fai’s hole, then placed a steadying hand on Fai’s back as he pushed in. Fai hissed.

“Does it hurt?” Kurogane asked.

“It’s okay,” Fai assured him. “You’re big.”

Kurogane made sure to go very slowly, and once he was fully seated against Fai he leaned in to whisper in his ear, “let me know when I can move.” 

Fai paused to give himself some time to adjust, then nodded and said, “Full speed ahead, Kuro-rin.”

“Tch,” Kurogane clucked, but he pulled out slowly anyways. Fai hissed when he found himself suddenly empty until Kurogane thrust into him again. Kurogane set a steady pace, not quite gentle, but gentler than Fai was used to. His shoulder was over Fai’s, but a great deal of his body weight was pressed against Fai’s back, pushing him into the bed, but Fai found it oddly warm and comforting. Kurogane began to press wet, open-mouthed kisses to Fai’s neck and shoulder, and Fai thrust his hips up into Kurogane to meet his pace, changing the angle each time until Kurogane found his prostate. “That’s it, isn’t it?” Kurogane whispered in his ear when Fai gasped.

“Flip me over,” Fai instructed. “I want to kiss you.”

Kurogane pulled out and helped Fai roll over, positioning the pillow comfortably under his hips. He sat back on his heels, then, gripping Fai’s thigh, pushed back into Fai. From this angle, Kurogane had a great view of Fai. Seeing Fai spread open for him was of course amazing, but with Fai on his back Kurogane could see the flush growing from his chest, up his neck, and over his cheeks. His cock was hard and leaking against his stomach, and his nipples were hard and pink. Leaning down, Kurogane took one of Fai’s nipples between his teeth and sucked, swirling his tongue over the nub. Fai arched up into him, so Kurogane continued to lick, bite and suckle on his nipples while thrusting into him at an even pace.

“I said I wanted to you kiss me,” Fai complained eventually. “You’ve been neglecting my mouth.”

“Well I can’t have you running your mouth,” Kurogane said, raising his head. Fai opened his mouth to say something, but Kurogane closed the distance between their lips, swallowing whatever smart remark Fai may have made. Fai opened up beneath him, spreading his lips while he wrapped his legs around Kurogane, drawing him in. Kurogane was practically flattening him, but he wasn’t hearing a word of complaint.

“Tell me when you’re close,” Kurogane murmured against Fai’s lips. “I want to see you come.”

“I wouldn’t make you miss that,” Fai said. “Won’t be long now.” He grasped onto Kurogane’s short hair to draw him back into the kiss. “Now, Kuro-sama,” Fai said with an insistent tug on Kurogane’s hair some few minutes later.

“You can’t even call me by my name when I’m inside you?” Kurogane said as he pushed himself off Fai. Fai just giggled, but stopped when Kurogane took a firm grip on his cock and started jerking him off, meanwhile picking up the pace of his thrusting. Soon Kurogane’s hips were snapping into Fai, and hitting Fai right in the prostate. Fai was barely keeping it together, and with a strangled cry he came on Kurogane’s hand. Kurogane slowed down his pace for Fai to ride out his orgasm and slow down his breathing.

Fai’s chest was still rising and falling rapidly when he opened his eyes halfway to look at Kurogane. In a second, he had sat up and pushed Kurogane onto his back on the bed. Kurogane could have resisted of course--he was a celebrated police officer after all--but he rather liked being pounced.

“I think we’re done with this, Kuro-puu,” Fai said, and then the condom was off.

“You’re supposed to tie it up…” Kurogane started to say, but Fai had already tossed the discarded latex in some odd direction and nearly swallowed Kurogane cock. “Oh,” he gasped. He was close to coming already, and his hips jerked unconsciously. “Sorry,” he said.

“Don’t apologize,” Fai said, lifting his lips from the head of Kurogane’s cock. “Fuck my mouth as deep as you want--I won’t choke. You can come down my throat, or on my face, whatever you want. As long as Kuro-tan feels good.” Kurogane groaned and leaned his head back while Fai swallowed him down again. He really ought to watch this, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Instead, he let his hips buck up into Fai’s mouth, and, true to his word, Fai took the whole length without any resistance. He was good with his mouth, and Kurogane had only ever gotten hurried blowjobs from him. He could only imagine what it would be like if they had proper time, if he could watch. Exhaling, Kurogane lifted his head to see Fai with his lips wrapped around his cock, slowly bobbing his head up and down. He looked up, and when Fai’s blue eyes met Kurogane’s from under their dark lashes, Kurogane came, and came hard.

“Oh, fuck, Fai,” he managed to gasp before hitting the bed, boneless. He was trying to get his heartbeat back down to a normal rate when a naked, sweaty Fai crawled up next to him and nestled himself against Kurogane’s side. He had a trickle of cum on the side of his mouth, which Kurogane reached over to wipe off. Kurogane moved to wipe his finger off on the blanket, but before he could he felt the warm suction of Fai’s mouth around his finger.

“Just cleaning up,” Fai whispered with a grin.

“Speaking of...” Kurogane said. “Stay there.” He went to the bathroom to get a warm towel and a glass of water and returned to find that Fai had followed instructions for once and had not moved. Gently, he wiped up Fai’s stomach, and then between his legs, making sure to get rid of any leftover lubricant. 

“Kuro-min takes such good care of me,” Fai said, rolling back over into his back. “I’m a very lucky boy.”

“Drink this,” Kurogane said, giving Fai the glass of water. “You need to stay hydrated.”

“Vigorous exercise, huh?” Fai asked, sitting up so he could sip from the water glass.

“Something like that,” Kurogane said with a shrug. 

“Well you’ve exhausted me,” Fai said. He handed the half empty glass of water back to Kurogane before falling back against the bed. “I’m going to need some rest before round two, you know.”

“You want to see what’s on tv?” Kurogane suggested. “I have one in my room.”

“That tiny thing?” Fai complained, tipping his head back to look at Kurogane’s television. “I suppose.”

Kurogane got up to rearrange the pillows, then went to the bathroom. He changed into his usual robe--black and plain--but paused before reaching for the shopping bag. “I got you something,” he said, walking back into the bedroom.

“A present?” Fai asked, turning his head to the bathroom door. He was lounging naked on Kurogane’s bed--a sight Kurogane rather enjoyed--but he didn’t want Fai to get cold. 

“Yeah, sort of,” Kurogane said. “It’s practical. But I thought you might like it. Blue is your color, I guess. But you don’t have to keep it if you don’t like it.” He practically threw the bag at Fai, who carefully pulled the paper apart to pull out the blue and white robe inside.

“For me?” He asked.

“Yes, idiot,” Kurogane said. “So you don’t have to walk around here bare-ass naked when you come to visit. I mean, you look good bare-ass naked, but there are other things to consider.”

“It’s very sweet of you,” Fai said softly. “I love it.”

“Good,” Kurogane said. “You put that on. I’ll get us a snack. And find that condom and throw it away properly!”

  
  


Kurogane

 

Kurogane woke up before Fai, showered, and got started on breakfast. He was nearly done when Fai wandered out of the bedroom and sat down at the table, his hair still messed up from the night before.

“How are you feeling?” Kurogane asked when he came out to set a cup of tea in front of Fai.

“Good,” Fai said, smiling up at him. “A little sore to be honest, but good.”

“I’ll have food ready for you soon,” Kurogane said.

“You spoil me, Kuro-chan,” Fai said.

“Well you made dinner last night, so it’s only fair,” Kurogane said as he returned to the kitchen. He wasn’t as good of a cook as Fai, so half of the meal was re-heated, but when he set a tray in front of Fai his eyes lit up all the same. 

“Itadakimasu!” Fai cried. 

“I have to be at work soon,” Kurogane said between bites of rice. “What are you going to do?”

“I think I might actually go to the office, at least for the morning,” Fai said thoughtfully. “Then I might bring some work back here. I don’t like working in an office building. I find it limiting, but I need to consult with a few co-workers.”

“Well, let yourself in and out whenever you like,” Kurogane said. “I’m getting a little low on food, but I’m sure you can find something for lunch. I’ll pick up groceries on my way home from work.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Fai said. “I’ll pick some stuff up for you. You always work so late.”

“So do you,” Kurogane said. He knew Fai sometimes sat up deep into the night pouring over diagrams long after the kids had gone to bed. Fai shrugged. 

“I tried to work extra hard so I would have some free time,” he said with a shrug. “But you can’t, because crime never sleeps, does it Kuro-puu?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Kurogane grumbled as he glanced at his watch.

“I can do the dishes if Kuro-wan-wan needs to go to work,” Fai said, getting up to clear the trays. 

“Right,” Kurogane said. “Thanks.” He went into his room to get his briefcase, and stopped by the kitchen on his way out where he wrapped his arms around Fai’s waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I could get used to this, you know,” he whispered. Fai just smiled.

 

Fai

 

When Kurogane got back to his apartment it was almost unrecognizable. Every surface was covered in Fai’s papers: diagrams, reports, blueprints, and other things Kurogane didn’t understand. 

“Sorry about the mess,” Fai said, his head popping up from where he was working on the floor. “I like to be able to see everything at once. I’ll clean it up before dinner. Give me thirty minutes and then I’ll get started.”

“I can cook,” Kurogane offered. “You finish up your work.”

“Thanks,” Fai said with a grin. “I bought food for yakisoba. There’s rice in the rice cooker and I’ve chopped some vegetables already.”

Kurogane yawned as he started mixing ingredients together. He had certainly enjoyed spending the night with Fai, but it had been tiring. He hadn’t slept properly, and certain muscles that hadn’t been used in a while were rather sore. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t planning on spending the next few nights making love to Fai in every way possible. He could deal with a bit of exhaustion. 

Kurogane was almost finished with dinner when Fai popped up in the doorway, saying his work was done. “You’re in charge of the meat then,” Kurogane said.

“I’m always happy to handle Kuro-senpai’s meat,” Fai said happily. Kurogane groaned. “I think I’ll be making you groan louder,” Fai teased.

“Can we just focus on food?” Kurogane asked.

“Oh, but Kuro-tan, food can be very erotic,” Fai said. “Close your eyes and open up.”

“No,” Kurogane said, turning away from Fai to scrape the yakisoba onto a serving platter.

“Please, Kuro-rin?” Fai begged.

“Fine,” Kurogane said. Closing his eyes, he turned around, and--feeling very stupid--he opened his mouth. Fai’s nimble fingers placed something on his tongue and it took him a moment to recognize it as a cherry flavored Hi-Chew. As he began to chew on the candy, he felt Fai’s finger’s ghost along his jaw, and then he felt Fai’s lips press against his. It only felt natural to open his mouth to Fai, and then his felt Fai’s tongue probing for the candy, digging it out of his teeth. Fai reclaimed the candy, but soon returned it when he pressed the flat of his tongue against Kurogane’s. They passed the candy back and forth, their shared saliva tasting more and more like cherry as the chew shrunk and shrunk until finally Fai swallowed it.

“Did I prove my point?” He asked, wiping his mouth.

“You proved that I like kissing you,” Kurogane said. “I still think the candy was unnecessary.”

“The candy was to add some flavor,” Fai said. “Make things sweet.”

“You taste sweet without candy,” Kurogane said.

“Well then maybe next time you blow me you can swallow,” Fai teased.

“I don’t swallow,” Kurogane stated, scowling.

“I know,” Fai giggled. “It really isn’t necessary anyways. I just like to make you angry. It’s so easy, you know.”

“ _ Tch _ ,” was all Kurogane had to say.

“Well we’d best eat before our food gets cold,” Fai said, glancing over at the counters. “And the sooner we eat and clean up, the sooner I can tell you what I have planned for tonight.”

 

“Sit down, Kuro-pii,” Fai said, gesturing to the edge of Kurogane’s bed. Kurogane did as he was told and allowed Fai to unbuckle his belt and work his pants off. “Leaving your pants around your ankles is tacky,” Fai said as he removed Kurogane’s socks so he could slip Kurogane’s pants and underwear off completely. 

“I never really thought--” Kurogane began, but stopped when Fai pushed his knees apart and began kissing the insides of his thighs, beginning just above his knee and working his way up to his groin.

“I’m going to unravel you, Kuro-pon,” Fai purred. “I’m going to give you the best head of your life. You won’t be able to move afterwards.” He ghosted his hand along Kurogane’s other leg, this time beginning at the ankle, in light motions that made Kurogane’s spine tingle. His hand and mouth reached Kurogane’s crotch at the same time, but Fai ignored Kurogane’s hard cock and instead licked him from his pubic bone to his navel before leaving a series of kisses along the base of his stomach. He kissed each one of Kurogane’s hipbones, then nuzzled his way down the crease of his thigh. Kurogane gasped when he felt Fai’s tongue dart out to lick the vein between his balls. Fai’s warm mouth closed over his balls, gently sucking and licking. Fai lightly placed on hand on Kurogane’s cock, not to give Kurogane relief, but to keep it out of his face while he worked his tongue over Kurogane’s balls. He waited until Kurogane made a noise--the smallest grunt--before he moved his tongue to the base of Kurogane’s cock, circling around it as he made his way up. He placed a gentle kiss at the head, then glanced up at Kurogane.

“Look at me, Kuro-sama,” He said. When Kurogane’s red eyes met him, he hollowed out his cheeks and lowered his mouth over Kurogane’s length. He didn’t stop when he felt the tip at the back of his throat, nor did he tear his eyes away from Kurogane’s. Instead, he swallowed and swallowed, wanting to feel all of his lover, wanting to feel full.

To his credit, Kurogane kept control for quite some time, as Fai lazily bobbed his head up and down, swallowing him whole, then twirling his tongue around the crown of Kurogane’s cock, or pinching the base, massaging his balls, licking his slit--whatever he could think to do to peel away Kurogane’s hard exterior. He could feel Kurogane start to come undone in his hands and mouth, and with a sense of satisfaction, he lifted his head from Kurogane’s cock.

“Don’t fight it,” he instructed. “Take me.” From there it went rather quickly. Kurogane grabbed onto Fai’s hair and started guiding his head in steady thrusting motions, and then his hips were snapping into Fai’s throat, and sweat was dripping down his abs. 

“Fai!” He cried, spilling himself in Fai’s throat, and then he collapsed onto the bed, softly chanting to himself, “Fai, Fai, Fai, Fai.”

Fai got up to straddle Kurogane and draped himself over the larger man’s chest. Smiling, he traced Kurogane’s jaw and looked down at this man who already meant so much more to him that he should. “I’ve been wanting to do that properly, you know,” Fai said with a smile. “Show you how good I can be.”

“You are very good,” Kurogane admitted. “God, Fai, I don’t even know how to describe you.”

“How about we take a bath then?” Fai suggested. He stood and reached out his hand to Kurogane who took it and let Fai pull him to his feet. Fai lead him to his own bathroom where they stripped off their remaining clothing and Fai ran a bath.

“Do you really need that many bubbles?” Kurogane asked as Fai squeezed a liberal amount of soap into the bath.

“It is absolutely necessary, Kuro-chan,” Fai said. “I hope you like it hot, because I do.”

“Are you saying I can’t handle it?” Kurogane asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I’m just giving you fair warning,” Fai said as he sunk into the tub. Kurogane stepped in after him and it  _ was _ hot. Very hot. Nevertheless, Kurogane slid in behind Fai and wrapped his arm around Fai’s waist. Fai leaned back against his chest and sighed. “It’s nice to just relax like this, you know.” Fai said as Kurogane gently splashed water over his chest. 

“Sit up and I’ll give you a back massage,” Kurogane offered.

“Really?” Fai asked.

“Yeah,” Kurogane said. “You could use some help with your stress.”

“I’m not stressed,” Fai laughed.

“You hide it well,” Kurogane said. “But not well enough for me.”

“Honestly Kuro-tan,” Fai said as Kurogane began kneading the muscles in his shoulders. “You keep seeing the parts of me best left unseen.”

Kurogane leaned in the leave a kiss just behind Fai’s ear and whisper, “I want to see every inch of you.” Fai just hummed and leaned back into his massage.

“You know, Kuro-tan,” he said. “You’re actually much softer than you let on.”

“Keep saying things like that and you won’t be getting any more massages,” Kurogane growled.

“You’re such a closet romantic,” Fai giggled. He turned around to smiled up at Kurogane and said, “Don’t worry your secret's safe with me. I’ll tell everybody else you’re a complete brute.”

“You’d better not,” Kurogane said. “After I go to all this trouble to be nice to you.”

“I don’t know how somebody else hasn’t taken you already,” Fai joked.

“I wasn’t like this with others,” Kurogane admitted. “I was… rougher. Not like that! Just… it’s hard for me to show that I care, but I do care. I care about you a lot, Fai.”

“What an inconvenient decision for you to have made, Kuro-chan,” Fai sighed.

 

Kurogane

 

For the second morning in a row, Kurogane woke up with Fai pressed against his chest, and blonde hair covering his face.  _ I could get used to this,  _ he thought as he shifted Fai over. He sat up and reached for his prosthetic as quietly as possible, but when he glanced over his shoulder, Fai was looking up at him. 

“Going already, Kuro-min?”

“I have to work,” Kurogane sighed. “I’ll try to get off on time so maybe we can go out.”

“Mm,” Fai said, rolling onto his back. “I want sushi.”

“Then I’ll get you sushi,” Kurogane said, leaning down to kiss Fai.

“Kuro-puppy,” Fai said. “Are you sure you have to get to work now? Or do you have time to fool around with me first? You look very good this morning.”

Kurogane brushed his hair out of his face and exhaled sharply. He wouldn’t have time for a proper breakfast, and odds were he would still be late, but then there was Fai lying naked, wrapped up in his bedsheets, and it was difficult to say no. “Fine,” he said. “But it’ll have to be quick. No teasing.”

Fai let out a squeal, grabbed him around the waist, and pulled him onto the bed. Before Kurogane could react, Fai was on top of him, straddling his hips. “Very good Kuro-puu,” Fai said, dropping a kiss on Kurogane’s lips and stroking his chin. “I think I can get you finished off quickly.”

“It’s not like I left you unsatisfied last night,” Kurogane point out as Fai reached for the hem of his shirt.

“Oh, you should know I’m never satisfied,” Fai laughed. “And besides, when else are we going to have so many chances to fuck like this. No kids, no worries about who might walk in. We can be as loud as we like, take our time…” he pulled off Kurogane’s pajama pants and used his mouth to work Kurogane’s erection from half-hard to fully erect. When he came up to straddle Kurogane again, Kurogane could see that Fai was just as hard. 

“Hold out your hand,” Fai commanded, and pumped some lubricant onto Kurogane’s palm when Kurogane did as instructed. “If you will do the honors, Kuro-rin.” Fai shifted onto his knees so Kurogane could prep him, circling Fai’s ass lightly before pushing one finger in, and then two. He scissored his fingers before he found Fai’s prostate, causing Fai to arch back into his fingers. When he pushed his third finger into Fai, Fai pushed down harder onto his chest, but after some adjustment he reached out for the box of condoms.

“We’ve made some progress, haven’t we, Kuro-sama?” Fai said, waving the box around. He opened one and slid it onto Kurogane quickly enough before mounting him. Kurogane tried to sit up, but Fai grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him back into the bed. “Just watch,” Fai instructed as he began to ride Kurogane, slowly as first, but picking up his pace once Kurogane started to lose his composure. He wasn’t concerned with making it last, he just focused on rolling his hips in a steady, sensual motion. Fai knew Kurogane was close when he reached out his hand to grip Fai’s cock and stroked. Kurogane always liked them to come together, or at least close. But Kurogane didn’t speed up--he let it stay lazy and slow. He met Fai’s eyes with a soft gaze and actually returned his smile for as long as Fai was willing to hold eye contact. 

Fai felt Kurogane’s hips jerk up into him and didn’t need to soft grunts to know he was coming. Kurogane picked up the pace of his hand, and Fai felt his own orgasm approach, and he arched back as he came before falling forward onto Kurogane’s chest. 

“Once you come down, you’re going to have to move so I can get to work,” Kurogane commented, but he was stroking Fai’s back softly, and didn’t show much intention of moving. Fai just wrapped his arms around Kurogane’s chest and put his ear over his heart. 

“I never want to leave here, Kuro-sama,” Fai whispered. “I want it to stay like this forever.”

 

“How is the robbery case going?” Kurogane asked as he sat down to his meeting fifteen minutes late.

“We think it was just some kids,” officer Shibata said. “They left behind fingerprints, so it should be simple enough to catch them.”

“Good, good,” Kurogane said. “There have been increased reports of vandalism around the east end of town. I want two more officers on patrol there.”

As the meeting wore on, Kurogane pulled at his necktie. He hated dressing formally, and had always gotten censured at school for failing to comply with the dress code. After loosening his tie and pulling at his collar he noticed officer Shibata and a few others staring at his neck. He swore he could feel his heart stop.

Fai had been very careful to leave any marks he made below Kurogane’s collar, but with a sinking feeling Kurogane realized he had likely just revealed several dark purple hickeys in his neck for everyone to see. That, combined with his exhaustion and the fact he had been late left very little doubt as to what had caused such marks. Deciding it would only draw more attention if he tried to cover it up, Kurogane forced himself to lower his hand and continue with the meeting.

“So,” he said. “About the parking tickets issued this month…”

 

When Kurogane finished work Fai was waiting in the lobby for him.

“What's gotten Kuro-angry so worked up?” Fai asked, seeing Kurogane.

“This,” Kurogane growled, pulling down his collar to reveal the purple bruises underneath. “I adjust my tie in front of the entire force and everyone saw.”

Fai giggled. “Maybe they'll be jealous you're having so much fun,” Fai said, reaching out to stroke Kurogane’s neck. “Now we ought to get to the restaurant. I'm hungry, and maybe you'll be in a better mood after some sake and some food. You get cranky when you're hungry and I know you didn't have a proper breakfast.”

“That's your fault too!” Kurogane shouted, but Fai had already raced out of the building.

 

After dinner Fai dragged Kurogane to a park where they laid on the grass by the pond and watched the sunset. Fai’s head was in Kurogane’s lap and Kurogane ran his hand lazily through his blonde hair.

“Kuro-chan,” Fai purred. “Can I see your badge?”

“Why?” Kurogane asked, suspicious.

“I just want to see it,” Fai said, smiling sweetly up at him. “I’ve never seen a Japanese police badge. I saw a few back in Sweden, but that’s a different story.”

“Fine,” Kurogane said, pulling his badge out from his pocket and handing it to Fai.

“You look very serious in this photo,” Fai said. “And a little scary. Do you have handcuffs with you?”

“No,” Kurogane said. “I only take them with me if I think I'm actually going to arrest someone. And as chief of police I don't do much arresting anyways. I just file paperwork and order people around.”

“I'm sure you like ordering people around,” Fai said. “But probably not so much the paperwork.” 

“No,” Kurogane admitted. “But I'm not exactly fit for field work anymore. Somebody could get hurt because I wasn't able to back them up. Besides…” his voice trailed off.

“Besides what?” Fai asked, arching his neck up to look at Kurogane.

“After I got hurt, it was really hard on Syaoran-kun. He barely spoke, just sat in the hospital chair for days worrying about me. I never want to see him like that again.”

“So you don't want to get hurt because you don't want to hurt the ones you love?” Fai asked. “Very noble of you.”

“It's not noble,” Kurogane said. “It's just practical, okay? Now give that thing back.” 

“Hm,” Fai hummed, twirling Kurogane's badge in his long fingers. “I think, maybe… no.”

“I'll make you give that back,” Kurogane said, reaching out for the badge, but Fai had slithered away from him.

“Kuro-sama will have to catch me first,” Fai laughed, and darted away.

Kurogane blinked. Fai was  _ fast.  _ He took off after him, but was unable to catch him. To make matters worse, Fai was playing with him. He kept pausing to look behind trees, or to make silly faces, or--most infuriatingly--to run behind Kurogane and poke his shoulder.

“When I get you…” Kurogane yelled.

“What are you going to do?” Fai asked. “Pin me down? Punish me? Fuck me into the grass.”

So Fai was working him up. Kurogane growled and chased him, driving him towards an old stone wall. Once he had Fai trapped he could get his badge back, and then once he had Fai caught, well then he could decide what he wanted to do…

Kurogane managed to drive Fai into the corner of the wall, but Fai wouldn’t give up that easily, and, quicker than Kurogane would have thought possible, he scaled the wall.

“Get down from there,” Kurogane called. “It’s not safe!”

“Kuro-rin won’t trick me that easily,” Fai laughed. “Don’t lecture me about what’s structurally sound. I won’t fa--” Fai was running backwards as he spoke, and his foot caught on a loose rock. In a flash, he was falling. Kurogane watched as Fai’s arms flailed out, trying to catch hold of something, but he was going down, and Kurogane wasn’t going to get there in time.

He landed on the grass, catching himself on his arm with a crack and a thud.

“Are you okay?” Kurogane asked, running to kneel next to Fai.

“I’m fine,” Fai gasped, sitting up. He was holding his right arm at a funny angle. “I have your badge for you, Kuro-sama.”

“I don’t care about that, idiot,” Kurogane said, shoving his badge into his pocket. “Let me see that arm.

Fai gave him his left arm, which Kurogane swatted away. “The other one,” he growled. Fai laughed lightly, and gave him his right arm. He took a sharp breath when Kurogane rolled up his sleeve. The middle of his forearm was red and very swollen.

“It looks broken,” Kurogane said. 

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Fai said, but beads of sweat were sticking to his forehead.

“I just said it looks broken,” Kurogane growled. “I’m taking you to the doctor.”

“But that’ll ruin our last night together,” Fai complained.

“You think I care?” Kurogane asked as he pulled Fai to his feet. “I’m not taking you back to Sakura-chan and Toya-kun with an untreated injury. They’d never let me see you again. You wouldn’t want to worry them, would you?”

“No,” Fai admitted. “It does hurt a little.”

“A little,” Kurogane snorted. 

 

As it turned out, Fai was not not the only idiot to injure himself in the middle of the night, and the two of them had to wait over an hour to be ushered in for an x-ray, and then another half hour waiting for a doctor to come in with results.

“You know Kuro-tan, I am quite capable of getting back to your apartment on my own,” Fai said. “You don’t have to wait here if you don’t want to.”

“I’m not going to just leave you,” Kurogane said, for the fourth time that evening.

“I don’t want to ruin your night,” Fai said.

“Don’t even worry about that,” Kurogane sighed. “I’m not the one who’s in pain. Except maybe from this damn chair. God, my ass is sore.”

Fai giggled, but stopped at a knock on the door. A doctor came in and put his x-ray up on the screen.

“Flourite-san?” He asked.

“That’s me,” Fai said, waving with his uninjured hand.

“Were you involved in sports as a child, by chance?” the doctor asked.

“I wasn’t very good at them,” Fai said with a little laugh.

“Well you’ve broken this arm four times before puberty,” the doctor said, pointing at the x-rays. “That’s no doubt why it broke so easily again.”

“Like I said, I wasn’t very good at sports,” Fai said with a shrug.

“Regardless, this is a simple fracture. You’ll just need a brace, and it should heal in a matter of eight weeks or so. Are you right-handed?”

“Ambidextrous,” Fai said. “I do prefer my right hand, but the left does just fine.”

“Well you’re lucky,” the doctor said. “I’m going to get you a brace, and then I’ll be back with paperwork for your job and instructions for how to care for it.”

When the doctor left the room, Kurogane picked up Fai’s x-ray. “Do you mind if I look at this?” he asked.

“Do as you please,” Fai said, leaning back against his seat.

Kurogane had looked at x-rays plenty of times for work. He knew what defensive wounds looked like, and how to tell them apart from the sorts of fractures you got from falling off walls. They were faint, but the healed breaks on Fai’s arm told a story. He had two spiral fractures: one close to his elbow, one down by his wrist--the kind that kids got when adults gripped their arms and twisted. His other two breaks seemed to be defensive wounds. Kurogane didn’t doubt that Fai had an intricate lie for each one, stories about how he had blocked an incoming ball during gym class, or something of the sort. Fai’s words came back to him  _ “Growing up, I was a ward of the state, back home in Sweden. But I didn’t get lucky like Syaoran and Sakura and Toya. The homes I ended up in… it was difficult.”  _ It didn’t take a great detective to understand how Fai had injured his arm so many times.

“Can an x-ray really be that interesting?” Fai asked, taking the sheet from Kurogane’s hand and replacing on the monitor, which he switched off. “Kuro-muu should have been a doctor, maybe?”

“I wouldn’t get to carry a gun if I was a doctor,” Kurogane said.

“Can I see your gun?” Fai asked.

“That’s what got us into this whole mess,” Kurogane growled. “And no. Under no circumstances. You could hurt yourself or somebody else. You haven’t been trained properly.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, Kuro-pii. I do know how to use a gun,” Fai said.

“How?” Kurogane demanded. “I thought they were strict about guns in Sweden too.”

“I lived on a military base,” Fai said with a laugh. “A friend of mine showed me how to use his. Well, I don’t know if he counts as a friend exactly. More of a…”

“I get the point,” Kurogane said. “And no, you still can’t see my gun. You don’t have the proper certification, and even if you did, I’m responsible for it and anything that happens with it. I would never let anybody else touch it.”

“Kuro-taka is very responsible,” Fai said. 

“You’re testing me aren’t you?” Kurogane asked. “Seeing how much I trust you with my things.”

Fai turned around to smile at him. “That sounds rather childish, doesn’t it?”

“If there’s something you want, just ask,” Kurogane said. “The types of people I can’t stand are the ones who treat their lives as a game and don’t take it seriously.”

Fai smiled at him and opened his mouth to reply when the door swung in and the doctor returned to give instructions on how to care for his arm.

 

Fai was strangely quiet for the rest of the evening, up until Kurogane opened the front door of the apartment for him.

“Well,” Fai said. “If you like, I can just gather my things, and be out of your way.”

“What?” Kurogane demanded. “You’re not staying?”

Fai shrugged. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome, Kuro-sama. You’ve been very good to me, but I know I’ve been very irritating today, so I’ll just get out of your hair. I know you’re too nice to tell me to get out.”

“Where are you getting this idea from?” Kurogane demanded. 

“I’m the type of person you can’t stand, aren’t I,” Fai said, avoiding eye contact. “It’s okay, Kuro-sama. I appreciate your honesty. I know I’m difficult. You must hate me, and I don’t blame you.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kurogane argued. This was going all wrong. He had only wanted to be harsh enough to make Fai take things seriously, not to scare him off. But he had fucked up. Badly. “I don’t hate you, Fai. Quite the opposite.”

“No need to lie to make me feel better, Kuro-rin,” Fai said as he made his way into the bedroom. Kurogane followed him as he began throwing things into his bag. “Thank you for your kindness, and for taking such good care of me tonight. I know you tried very hard to make things work, but I’m afraid I’m just a lost cause, you know.”

Fai made for the door, but Kurogane stepped in front of him, blocking the exit and said, “I don’t want you to go. Please. Please spend the night.”

Fai’s eyes snapped up to meet his, and then he let out a soft “oh” and before Kurogane fully realized what was happening, Fai was on his knees, pulling at his zipper with his left hand. Kurogane grabbed his hand. “What the Hell are you doing?” Kurogane asked.

Fai looked up at him, looking almost terrified. “You said you wanted…” he pulled his hand away and walked away from Kurogane so his back was to Kurogane and Kurogane didn’t see the expression on his face when he sunk his forehead into his hand. “I’m sorry, Kuro-sama. It seems I can’t do anything right tonight.”

“Just calm down,” Kurogane said. He approached Fai slowly, giving the other man plenty of time to bolt, or tell him to back off. “May I?” he asked, placing a hesitant hand hand on Fai’s back. At a nod, he wrapped his arm around Fai’s waist and pulled Fai in until his chin was on Fai’s shoulder. “I like you Fai,” he said. “I like you a lot. Even when you’re being difficult. It’s okay. I was probably too harsh with you tonight. I was scared when I saw you hurt. Because you don’t take enough care for your own safety, and I wanted to be able to scare you into caring, but I shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

Fai nodded, and reached down to take Kurogane’s hand in his. “We make a full set,” he joked, waving about his injured arm.

“Yours is going to get better,” Kurogane pointed out. “Mine is a lost cause.”

“Kuro-chan,” Fai said “I want--” His voice was cut off into a warble as he took in a deep breath.

“What do you want?” Kurogane asked.

“I don’t want to have sex or anything, I just want you to hold me all night and pet my hair and say nice things to me and not let me go until we wake up,” Fai said, the words tumbling out quickly and breathlessly. 

“I can do that,” Kurogane said. “Get ready for bed. I’ll be ready in a minute once I get this arm off.”

Fai disappeared into the bathroom and Kurogane sat down on the bed with a sigh. Yuko had told him to be careful with Fai, but he hadn’t thought it would be this hard. At the same time, it didn’t matter how hard it was, because he knew, without a doubt, that he loved Fai. There was no way he could say it out loud--Fai would probably leave the country--but it was true and he was going to  _ show  _ Fai in every way possible.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai meets the parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I had to make up a name for Kurogane's mom  
> -I'm pretty sure this is not how citizenship law works

Fai

 

Fai woke up, but was not willing to open his eyes immediately. As much as he could feel Kurogane’s body under him, feel an arm wrapped around him, the soft breath on the back of his neck, he was sure if he opened his eyes it would all turn out to be a dream. Because really Kurogane had no reason to stay. Besides the sex, and there hadn’t even been any of that last night, and he could always get that from a prostitute with less trouble.

“What are you thinking about?” Fai felt Kurogane’s hand more from his waist to his hair, an he risked a peek up at Kurogane.

“You,” he said with a smile. “It’s nice waking up with you.”

“Mm,” Kurogane said. “It is nice. I’ll miss it.”

“But it’ll be nice to see the kids again, won’t it,” Fai said. “I miss Sakura-chan. She’s so cute! I got to talk to Toya-kun on the phone at least, and I’ve been away from him for longer. But Sakura-chan has always been my baby.”

“She was just three when you got her, wasn’t she?” Kurogane asked.

“Yeah,” Fai said with a soft smile. “She was so cute back then. You should have seen her. I mean, I have about a million pictures, but she used to just cuddle with me all the time. But she’s grown so much, and now she’s spending three days away from me.” Fai sighed, but smiled up at Kurogane. “Still, it gives me a chance to be with my boyfriend.”

“So I’m your boyfriend now?” Kurogane asked.

“If you want to be,” Fai said, biting his lower lip. “I think spending two hours with me in the hospital qualifies you as boyfriend material.”

“I’d very much like to be your boyfriend, Fai,” Kurogane said. “I’d like to be whatever you’ll let me be.”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Kuro-chan,” Fai laughed. “You’re just my boyfriend for now.” Fai sat up and walked to the bathroom, where he wrapped up his broken arm in plastic before turning on the shower.

“How is your arm?” Kurogane asked.

“It’ll heal,” Fai said with a shrug.

“That’s not what I asked,” Kurogane said.

“It’s broken,” Fai said. “It hurts. What else did you expect?”

“Do you want a painkiller?” Kurogane asked. 

“I just want to take a shower,” Fai said. “Though you’ll have to help me. I’m not used to being one-handed, and you seem to be the expert.”

 

After breakfast, they made it to the school to pick up the kids on time. A few parents raised their eyebrows to see them arrive together in Kurogane’s car, but neither of them paid much attention. Fai was bouncing on the balls of his feet, waiting for Sakura, and Kurogane was more anxious to see Syaoran than he let on.

“Sakura-chan,” Fai called when the school bus pulled up and the kids started pouring out.

“Father!” she cried, running to hug him. “What did you do to your arm?”

“Oh, I was being foolish,” he said with a laugh. “But don’t worry, Kuro-sama already scolded me for it. Unfortunately I didn’t get a cast. I really wanted you to be able to write your name on it.”

“That’s too bad,” Sakura said. 

“What do you want to do this afternoon?” Fai asked.

“Can we go to Penguin Park with Syaoran-kun and Tomoyo-chan?” Sakura asked. “Sonomi-san says it’s okay.”

“Then let’s go, as long as it’s okay with Kuro-muu,” Fai said.

“It’s fine,” Kurogane said. “Let’s all get in the car then.”

They had just gotten the kids to the car when Tomoyo glanced between Fai and Kurogane, smiled and said, “The two of you arrived in the same car?” Kurogane paled, and Fai laughed nervously. Damn Tomoyo and her uncanny powers of perception.

“Did you and Kurogane-san have a sleepover?” Sakura asked.

“Yeah,” Fai said. “Yes, we did.”

Kurogane’s face looked ready to explode, but he got the car to Penguin Park with minimal shouting and cursing at passing cars. Sakura and Tomoyo probably learned a few more words, but Fai supposed that couldn’t be helped. Fai and Kurogane found a spot on the grass to sit while the kids went off to the play structure.

“Nothing gets by that Tomoyo kid,” Kurogane commented.

“She’s smart,” Fai said with a smile. “She and Sakura have been friends for years. They’re actually cousins, but Sakura doesn’t really know her mother’s family.”

“If she has living family why was she…” Kurogane’s voice trailed off.

“Stuck with me?” Fai said with a laugh. “It’s a little complicated. You see, Sakura-chan and Toya-kun’s mother, Nadeshiko-san was only sixteen when she married their father, Fujitaka-san, who was her high school teacher. Understandably, her family was very upset about it, and they decided to cut her off completely. I’m not sure what they hoped to accomplish by doing that, but it’s what they did. Anyways, when Nadeshiko-san and Fujitaka-san died Sonomi-san wanted to take Sakura-chan and Toya-kun, but the family forbade it. So they became wards of the state. At first I thought I was just going to take care of them temporarily, but once I got them I couldn’t let them go.”

“They were lucky to get you,” Kurogane commented.

“I didn’t know what I was doing,” Fai laughed. “I was only twenty-five! I hadn’t even been a Japanese citizen for very long.”

“How  _ did _ you manage to get citizenship so fast?” Kurogane asked. “Isn’t it supposed to take years.

Fai shrugged. “I applied as soon as I could. And at that point I’d been working for the military for a few years and I’d done some good work for them. Once I became a citizen I could work on higher security projects. I got sick of it after a while though, and decided to do civil engineering instead. Start a family. All that stuff.”

“You make no sense,” Kurogane said. 

“Does that bother you, Kuro-rin?” Fai teased.

“It’s just… it’s you,” Kurogane sighed. “I wouldn’t change you.”

Fai might have thought of a smart remark, but Sakura ran up to him, saying, “Look what I made, father.” Fai smiled while she placed a crown of daisies on his head.

“Thank you Sakura-chan,” he said. “It’s quite beautiful.” He whispered something in her ear, and she ran over to where Tomoyo was chaining flowers together and Syaoran was poking at the grass with a stick. 

“What did you say to her?” Kurogane demanded.

“Oh, nothing,” Fai said with a grin. “Just a little father-daughter matter.”

Kurogane rolled his eyes, but decided not to press the matter. Fai sighed and laid back in the grass, the sun beating down on his face, giving him a soft glow. Kurogane wanted to roll on top of him and fix their lips together but there were children and other people to think about, so instead he just said “How’s your arm.”

“I had just forgotten about it,” Fai said, opening one eye to glare at Kurogane. “It’s fine.”

“I suppose you’ve dealt with worse,” Kurogane said, then wished he hadn’t. He hadn’t meant to say that.

“What would make you say something like that, Kuro-sama?” Fai asked, peeking up at him.

“The doctor said you’d broken that arm four times. Is that arm particularly unlucky for you or is your whole body a mess?”

“My body has done some pretty good things for you,” Fai pointed out. “Don’t criticize it.” Kurogane looked down at Fai carefully before reaching out to take his hand. He gently traced over the white scars with the pads of his thumb. Fai laid very still, perhaps he wasn’t even breathing, and Kurogane was about to let his hand go and forget the whole thing when Fai finally relaxed into him and and let Kurogane rub his hand gently.

“You ought to take better care of yourself,” Kurogane whispered. He would have brought Fai’s hand to his lips if they had been in private, but he had a feeling that simple act would feel too vulnerable for Fai out here in the open.

“Kurogane-san?” Kurogane looked up to see Sakura standing in front of him with a flower chain. He let go of Fai’s hand and turned to face her. “I made this for you,” she said, lifting the flower crown. “Well, Tomoyo and I did.”

Kurogane glared at Fai, who was beaming up at him, then sighed and said, “Well, put it on me Sakura-chan.” She squealed and placed the crown on his head, then skipped off, back to Tomoyo.

“Kuro-chii is so pretty now!” Fai said with a laugh.

“You put her up to this, didn’t you?” Kurogane growled. “And she’ll be sad if I take this off.”

“You wouldn’t want to make Sakura-chan sad, would you?” Fai asked. 

 

After some time the kids got bored of their games and Fai took them to get ice cream, volunteering Kurogane to pay. “Kuro-daddy takes such good care of the kids,” Fai said, laughing. Sakura was riding on his back, while Syaoran and Tomoyo walked ahead. 

“Chief?” Kurogane spun around to see a few of his officers--rookie patrol officers--staring at him. He suddenly became acutely aware of the flower chain on his head. “Officer Nakano, Officer Watanabe,” He said with a nod. “Everything alright?”

“Yes,” Officer Nakano said with a nod. “My apologies sir. I didn’t recognize you outside of work. I was merely surprised.”

Kurogane opened his mouth to censure her, but Fai said, “Have you met Kuro-sama’s son?” Both officers shook their heads, so Fai introduced Syaoran, then Tomoyo and Sakura. Soon he was asking both officers if they had children, and how old they were, and where they took their kids on days off. Kurogane just stood there, realizing he had been seconds away from yelling at these two officers, right in front of three children, and here Fai was just making friends. 

“You two ought to get back to your patrol,” He said eventually. “And we should get lunch.”

“I want ramen!” Sakura piped up.

“What do you want Syaoran-kun?” Fai asked as Officer Nakano and Officer Watanabe walked off down the street, no doubt to hand out parking tickets. Characteristically, Syaoran just shrugged.

 

It was late in the afternoon by the time Fai got home with Sakura. She went upstairs to unpack, while Fai went to Toya’s room to check on him.

“How was your weekend?” Fai asked, pushing open Toya’s door.

“Fine,” Toya said. “Yuki and I… what did you do to your arm?”

“Oh, I broke it,” Fai said with a little laugh. At a glare from Toya he said, “I fell. Kuro-ron took me to the doctor though and I’m all patched up. He was quite the gentleman.”

“Whatever,” Toya said. “I don’t care about your love life.”

“Understandable,” Fai said. “What about your love life, Toya. Anything happen over the last few days?”

Toya stayed silent for quite some time, then, avoiding eye contact at all costs, he said, “You should probably know that Yuki and I are a couple now.” 

Fai squealed. “I’m so excited.” He said. “When did this happen?”

“Yesterday,” Toya sighed. “So… can Yuki still come over and everything?”

“Of course,” Fai said. “Yukito-kun is always welcome. Honestly, I’d prefer that the two of you hang out here rather than at his house where you’re all alone. Not that I don’t trust you, but you’re not quite an adult yet, you know.”

“I know,” Toya said. “Actually, well...to be honest...there’s something...I don’t know how to say it, but there’s something I’m worried about. Something about Yuki.”

  
  


Kurogane

 

Kurogane met Fai for lunch, and they ate on a bench outside the station since the weather was nice. 

“I even made you fish,” Fai said, handing a bento over to Kurogane. “The kids wanted fish too, so it’s not just for you, but, still, it was a great sacrifice for me.”

“I appreciate it,” Kurogane said. “It’s good,” he commented after taking a bite. You sure you don’t want some? It’s not too fishy.” Fai nibbled a small piece of Kurogane’s fish, then made a face.

“Betrayal,” he said, sticking his tongue out. “You’ve lied to me, Kuro-sama. It was  _ very _ fishy.”

“Sorry,” Kurogane said. “I thought it was fine.”

“I’ll never trust you again, Kuro-chii.” Fai folded his hands in his lap, then gave Kurogane that rare look he wore before he said anything serious. “Kuro-pii, can I ask you to do something that may not be an ethical use of your policemanly powers.”

“If it’s about the handcuffs…” Kurogane started.

“No, it’s not that,” Fai said, laughing. “Though I still think you should bring them home one of these days. But I need to ask you a different kind of favor. It’s actually for Toya-kun.”

“You can ask,” Kurogane said. “I won’t promise to do anything until I know what it is.”

“Well,” Fai said. “It’s about Yukito-kun.”

 

Fai

 

Fai got home and hung up his coat before taking a deep breath. Kurogane had offered to have this conversation with him, but he felt he owed it to Yukito to do it himself. Sakura was in the living room, doing some homework for once.

“Is Yukito-kun here?” Fai asked.

“Yeah, he and Toya are upstairs in Toya’s room,” Sakura said.

“Sakura,” Fai said. “You like Yukito-kun, right?”

“Yes, I like him a lot!” Sakura said.

“And he’s never done or said anything inappropriate? Anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, Yukito-san isn’t like that,” Sakura said emphatically.

“You like having him around the house?” Fai asked.

“Yes!” Sakura said.

“So, you would be okay if he spent more time here?” Fai asked. “If he maybe came to live with us?”

He thought he could see Sakura’s eyes turn into little hearts. Toya and Yukito would have to break the news to her soon. “That would be the best thing ever,” Sakura said. “Yukito-san is so nice, and he makes Toya be nice to me too.”

“Okay,” Fai said. “Don’t say anything to Toya-kun or Yukito-kun until I talk to you again, okay? I just wanted to make sure it would be okay with you.”

Fai walked upstairs to Toya’s room and knocked on the door. “Everybody dressed?” he asked. 

He heard some scrambling on the other side of the door before Toya said, “Come in.”

The boys had some open textbooks in front of them on Toya’s bed, but their hair and clothes were ruffled and their lips were swollen. “Studying?” Fai said with a smirk.

“What do you want, Fai-san?” Toya asked, glaring at him.

“I wanted to talk to you, Yukito-kun,” Fai said, pulling up Toya’s desk chair so he was facing the boys. Yuktio looked mildly alarmed, and Fai thought about how much he didn’t want to do this. But he was an adult, and he was supposed to be responsible. “I had Kuro-sama look into something for me. To be honest, I’ve been concerned about you for a while. About your living situation. But there was never any way of knowing for sure until I happened to have a boyfriend who was a police officer. You see, Kurogane found your grandparents’ death records. They’ve been gone over five years.”

Yukito’s head sunk. Toya reached out to take his hand. “I’m sorry, Fai-san,” Yukito said. “And I’m sorry Toya. I never wanted to lie to anybody. They left the house to me, so it’s mine legally.”

“I’m not concerned with the house,” Fai said gently. “I’m concerned with you. You have parents in Kyushu. Why aren’t you living with them? I know you’re almost eighteen now, but you’ve been on your own since you were fifteen when you moved here.”

Yuktio shifted uncomfortably and refused to look at either Fai or Toya. “My parents… they found me, um, kissing another boy. They told me to get out, said they didn’t want to see me again.” He paused to push his glasses back up his nose, then continued. “This was the only place I could think to come. I hadn’t been to Tomoeda before--my grandparents hadn’t lived there long--but I was always close with them, and I thought I would be okay in their house if I pretended they were still alive. Nobody caught me… not until now.”

“Well,” Fai said. “You can’t live on your own anymore. Not until you finish High School at least. I won’t have it. Kuro-pon has agreed not to file a report or anything as long as you agree that you won’t stay on your own.”

“I can’t send me back to…” Yukito said, a hint of panic in his voice.

“You can’t really think I would do something like that,” Fai said. “No, I was thinking you would live here. Of course, I know you and Toya-kun just started dating, so it may be a bit soon, but as you already practically live here, I’m sure the two of you can make it work. If you can think of another arrangement, that’s fine, as long as you aren’t by yourself. You’re too young.”

“I--I thank you,” Yukito managed to say, his voice choked up. He was holding back tears. “I would love to live here, but I don’t want to impose on your family.”

“It wouldn’t be an imposition,” Fai said. “Like I said, you already practically live here. I’m quite fond of you, and if you are important to Toya-kun that’s what’s most important to me. And Sakura likes you and she says it would be okay if you live here, so there’s really no problem. The two of you will have to tell her you’re together though. She’ll be crushed, of course, but she can’t go on being in love with her brother’s boyfriend. And she’s bound to notice eventually if we’re all living together. Even Sakura can’t be that oblivious.” Both boys flushed, but nodded.

“Alright,” Fai said. “I’m going to get started on dinner. You two can talk this over. Just let me know if there’s anything you need. I can take you back home to gather your things tomorrow, or tonight even if there’s anything you need urgently.”

Fai was almost done with dinner when Toya appeared in the kitchen. “Thank you,” he said.

“Did you tell Yukito-kun it was you who asked me to look into this?” Fai asked.

“Yes,” Toya said. “I don’t want to keep secrets like that.” Fai nodded. “You didn’t have to let him stay here,” Toya said.

“Of course I did,” Fai said. “He shouldn’t be alone.”

“Like you were?” Toya asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Fai said softly.

“You were sixteen when you came to this country, alone,” Toya said. “It can’t have been easy.”

“No,” Fai said, smiling at him. “It wasn’t easy. Getting myself through University--those were some difficult years for me.”

“Well,” Toya said. “I just wanted to say thank you… father.”

 

Fai was driving Sakura home from Tomoyo’s house, and he couldn’t help but notice how sad she looked.

“Is something wrong Sakura-chan?” he asked. The thing he loved about her was that her feelings lived so close to the surface. She would never hide her sadness or her joy.

“Toya talked to me today,” she said, looking out the window. “I’m happy for him and Yukito-san, I really am, but I’m also kind of sad, because… because…” 

“Because you also have feelings for Yukito?” Fai asked.

“Yeah,” Sakura said glumly. “Tomoyo gave me some good advice. About how it’s most important that the person you like is happy, so it doesn’t matter as much if they like you back, and I understand that, but I’m still sad.”

“I’m sorry you are sad, Sakura-chan,” Fai said. “Sometimes these things happen, but I know it won’t stop you from having these feelings for someone else later. This sadness will pass. The best thing for sadness is time.” Sakura nodded. “But,” Fai continued. “You know what’s also good for sadness?”

“What?” Sakura asked.

“Ice cream,” Fai said.

 

Fai and Sakura were sitting on a bench eating their ice creams when Sakura cried “Kitty!” and ran down a dark alleyway.

_ That girl is going to get herself killed  _ Fai thought as he followed his daughter. He found her petting a tabby cat, scratching it behind the ears. 

“He’s rather cute, isn’t he?” Fai said, crouching down next to Sakura and the cat.

“I love him,” Sakura said. “Can we keep him? Please father?”

“He already belongs to someone,” Fai said, pointing at the tag and the collar. “Someone would be very sad if we took their cat away.”

Sakura pouted a little, but went back to petting the cat. Fai watched the way her eyes lit up with joy every time the cat rubbed against her hand, and then he made a very impulsive decision.

 

“I can pick out whichever one I want?” Sakura asked, looking at all the cats in cages.

“Yes,” Fai said. “As long as it’s a grown-up cat. We can’t take care of a kitten, and besides the kittens will be adopted really quickly.”

“Can we take all of them?” Sakura asked. “They look unhappy in those boxes.”

“We can only take one,” Fai said. It was already a rash decision, but there wasn’t a reason he could think of not to get a cat. 

“I like this one,” Sakura called from the end of the rows of cats. Fai wandered down to where she was pointing to a ginger cat. “It says his name is Keroberos, but I think we should call him Kero-chan,” Sakura said. “Isn’t he cute?”

“He is,” Fai said. He reached out to scratch the cat’s ears. “Are you sure this is the one you want?”

“Yes, this one is perfect,” Sakura said. 

“Okay,” Fai said. “Let’s take him home.”

 

“Toya-kun!” Fai called as he pushed open the front door. “Yukito-kun! Sakura-chan and I are home, and we got a cat.”

“You what?” Toya demanded, running down the stairs.

“We got a cat,” Sakura said, lifting up the cat carrier. “His name is Kero.”

“Help us unpack the car, will you?” Fai asked. “We bought a litter box and cat food and everything.”

“So you just went out and bought a cat without telling me, or thinking about it?” Toya asked.

“Well Toya,” Yukito said. “You brought home one stray. It’s only fair that Sakura gets to bring home one of her own.”

“Yukito-san isn’t a stray,” Sakura protested. “And neither is Kero.” She set the cat carrier down and opened the case and a streak of orange shot out.

“Great,” Toya said. “Now we’ll never find it.”

“Kero will show up,” Fai said with a laugh. “He just needs to explore the house first. Sakura, if you find him, you should put him in your room. That way he can get used to one room at a time.”

“I can’t believe you,” Toya said as he went upstairs.

“I think he’s very cute,” Yukito said, staring the direction of the living room, where Kero was hiding under the sofa.

 

It was later than usual when Fai finally got a chance to call Kurogane for their nightly phone call. He had barely gotten Kero out of a cupboard and into Sakura’s room with minimal scratching, and then there was still dinner to make. Even with Yukito helping him, it had been a late night. 

“Kuro-rin!” He said when Kurogane picked up the phone. “I’m so tired. I finally got the kids to bed, and I’m exhausted.”

“How was your day?” Kurogane asked.

“Oh, a lot happened,” Fai said. “I met with a contractor about that bridge I’m working on, and he was kind of rude to me, and then I went over my diagrams a bit, and then I picked up Sakura-chan, and she was sad because she’s in love with Yuktio-kun, but he’s in love with Toya-kun, so then we went and got a cat.”

“You--you got a cat?” Kurogane asked.

“Yes, Sakura-chan picked him out. He’s orange, and very cute,” Fai said.

“You idiot,” Kurogane groaned.

“I know, I know, it was impulsive, but our house is big enough for a cat, and I’m home often enough to look after it, and there’s really no reason not to.”

“I suppose not,” Kurogane said. “Anyways, there’s something I wanted to talk about with you.”

“What?” Fai asked, rolling over onto his stomach. “Is it something serious?”

“I suppose,” Kurogane said. “Nothing bad. Just… my parents are going to be in town next weekend, and I’ve told them about you so they want to meet you.”

“Oh,” was all Fai could say.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Kurogane said quickly. “If it’s too soon, I can explain it to them. They’ll understand.”

“No, I’d love to meet them,” Fai said quickly. “I’ve never met parents before, you know. I’m not exactly ‘take home to meet the parents’ material.”

“They’ll like you,” Kurogane said. “Especially my mother.”

“Tell me about your parents,” Fai said. “I need to know everything before I meet them. I don’t even know their names.”

“My father is also Suwa Kurogane,” Kurogane said.

“So it’s good I call you nicknames, isn’t it?” Fai said with a laugh. “I can tell you apart in conversation. Though I suppose I’ll be calling him Suwa-san. And your mother.”

“Suwa Hoshi,” he said. “My father was in the military, my mother was raised in a shrine. My father is retired now, and they travel, but they want to stay close to Syaoran now. But you don’t have to try to impress them. They just want to know what kind of person you are.”

“I want them to like me,” Fai insisted. “They might not think I’m a good match for their only son. First of all, I’m a man…”

“They got over that a long time ago,” Kurogane said. “It’s been so long, they’re just glad there’s  _ someone _ for them to meet. But just think about it. If Sakura-chan or Toya-kun ever bring someone home, it wouldn’t matter so much if you like them. You would only care if they make your child happy, wouldn’t you?”

“I suppose,” Fai said slowly. “Still, I’ll try to be--you know--normal.”

“You can try,” Kurogane said. “I’d like to see you try.”

  
  


Kurogane

 

Kurogane’s parents arrived on a thursday, but Fai didn’t get to meet them until Saturday night when Kurogane drove the family over. 

“Sakura wants me to meet the cat,” Syaoran commented.

“They have a cat?” Hoshi asked, looking sideways at Kurogane.

“Just got it this week,” Kurogane said, trying to ignore the look his mother was giving him. 

They pulled into Fai’s driveway and Kurogane took a deep breath. It had been eight years since he had introduced his parents to anyone, and though he knew his parents would support him, he wanted them to like Fai. He knew Fai could be difficult to understand, but he hoped they saw how special he was. He hoped they saw what he saw.

After a moment to steel himself up, Kurogane got out of the car and lead his parents to Fai’s front door, Syaoran just a little ahead, no doubt to see the cat. Kurogane knocked on the door and a few moments later Fai had thrown the door open.

Kurogane gulped. It had been some time since game and Fai had gotten to spend time alone together and Fai looked  _ good.  _ He was wearing a silk shirt that clung nicely to his body, and black slacks that were tight but not too tight for a night out with the parents. Kurogane composed himself enough to make introduction, and Fai invited them into the living room for tea.

“Toya is still at work, so it's just you, Sakura-chan and Yukito-kun right now,” Fai said to Syaoran. “I think Yukito-kun is making something good for dinner too.”

Syaoran nodded eagerly and ran off to find Sakura. Kurogane sat down with his parents and listened to Fai’s chatter as he prepared tea. Fai seemed cool and composed, but Kurogane could tell he was nervous. Kurogane didn't have long to think about this, however, because an orange cat had rubbed up against his legs and then jumped onto his lap.

Kurogane sneezed violently. He could feel his eyes water and his hand swell up.

“Something wrong Kuro-rin?” Fai asked.

“Oh dear,” Hoshi said with a little laugh. “You didn't tell him, did you, Kurogane?”

“Tell me what?” Fai asked, setting down the tray with tea. 

“Kurogane is allergic to cats,” Hoshi said. “Always has been.”

Fai scooped up Kero and disappeared for a minute. When he returned he glared at Kurogane. “You should have told me,” he said. “I would have at least put Kero in Sakura’s room, and vacuumed the house, you know. Now look at you--you're all puffy.”

“I'm sure he didn't want to inconvenience you,” Hoshi said “he got the habit from his father, I'm afraid.” Fai huffed, and took a seat opposite Kurogane and his parents.

They were interrupted, however, by a small head poking through the door.

“Sakura-chan,” Fai said. “Come meet Kuro-tan’s parents.”

Sakura was the picture of politeness when she introduced herself. Kurogane could tell his parents were charmed, but everybody who met Sakura was charmed by her. She stayed until the cups were empty, talking about school and clubs and her friends.

Eventually Kurogane glanced down at his watch and said, “We ought to get to the restaurant. Don’t want to miss our reservations.”

“Alright Sakura, be good for Yukito-kun. Call me if anything goes wrong,” Fai said. With a hug, he followed the Suwa family to Kurogane’s car. Father and son sat in the front, while Fai got into the back with Hoshi.

“So, Fai-san, Kurogane says you are an engineer,” Kurogane Sr. said. 

“Yes!” Fai said eagerly. “I’m just finishing up a bridge right now, and I got contracted to build an office building. It’ll be the tallest building in Tomoeda, which isn’t saying much, but we’re all excited about it.”

Fai talked about his work until they arrived at the restaurant. They took their seats, and then Fai turned to Hoshi. “So, I have a very important request for you. I absolutely must see pictures of Kuro-pon as a child.”

Kurogane made a choked noise as his mother laughed. Fai gave her his address and she promised to send him some childhood photos, including baby photos.

“I bet you were an adorable baby,” Fai crooned, reaching over to mess up Kurogane’s hair. “Were you born with a scowl, or did you grow into that?”

“He’s always been just like his father,” Hoshi said affectionately. Kurogane Sr. crossed his arms over his chest, but gave his son a slight smile. It was an expression Fai recognized immediately. It was the reluctant smile Kurogane gave Syaoran. Kurogane didn’t talk about his parents much, but enough for Fai to put the pieces together. His father, idealized, yet frequently absent, and his sick mother. Kurogane felt pressure from a young age to take his father’s role as protector, to live up to his name. And he’s never stopped protecting the people around him. 

“Do you take after your mother or your father, Fai-san?” Hoshi asked.

Fai reached for his wine glass, but knocked it over, spilling red wine onto his sleeve. “Oh,” he said, looking down. “I’m still clumsy with this arm. I ought to clean that up. Maybe I can keep it from staining.” With that, Fai disappeared in the direction of the bathroom.

“I should have told you,” Kurogane said. “He never talks about his family. I get the feeling he was not treated very well.”

“You should go to him,” Hoshi said softly. Kurogane nodded and followed Fai to the bathroom. Fai was dabbing at his sleeve with a paper towel, but looked up with a smile when Kurogane came in.

“It’d be easier if I took this off, but I don’t think that would be entirely appropriate,” he said, laughing.

“You know, if you don’t want to talk about your family, you can just say so. No reason to ruin one of your shirts.”

“I’ll get the stain out,” Fai said. “It’s not like it’s ruined.”

Kurogane shook his head.

“Your parents seem nice,” Fai said. “You are a lot like your father. But you’re also very caring, like your mother. Only, you’d never admit that.” He shook out his sleeve, then said. “I think that’s the best I can do for now. We may as well go back to our seats. Don’t want to keep your parents waiting.”

They returned as if nothing had happened, and neither Hoshi nor Kurogane Sr. said anything. 

“Fai-san, your Japanese is very good,” Kurogane Sr. commented. “Where did you learn to speak it?”

“I read a lot of books as a child,” Fai said with a shrug. “I learned the basics back home in Sweden. Of course, once I got here my pronunciation was so horrible nobody could understand me, but I improved with practice. I talk a lot, you see.”

“You learned on your own out of a book?” Kurogane’s father asked. “That must have been difficult.”

“I suppose,” Fai said. “Japanese was very different from any of the other languages I spoke, probably the hardest for me to learn. Mandarin was also pretty tricky.”

“How many languages do you speak?” Kurogane Sr asked.

Fai counted on his finger, then grinned and said, “Eight! I know a passing amount of Korean too, but not that much.”

“You must be very intelligent,” Hoshi said. “Kurogane says you started university when you were sixteen.”

“I tend to do well on tests,” Fai said with another shrug. “I didn’t spend much time with children my age, so I mostly just read books. I guess it came in handy.”

“You are a very impressive man,” Kurogane Sr. said. “I can see why Kurogane likes you so much.”

 

After he got home and put Syaoran to bed, Kurogane returned to the living room where his parents were waiting and looked between them nervously. Really there was no reason to be nervous. He loved Fai, and didn’t need their approval for that.

“You love him,” his father said.

“Yes,” Kurogane said.

“He seems to make you very happy,” Hoshi said. “I like him. Though I suppose our opinion doesn’t really matter.”

“I care what you think of him,” Kurogane said.

“I just--he doesn’t seem entirely ready for a relationship,” Hoshi said hesitantly. “I worry about you getting hurt.”

Kurogane shrugged. “I knew from the beginning he wasn’t sure he was ready. But I can’t let that hold me back. I think--I think we could have something good. I don’t want to ignore that on the chance of getting hurt.”

His mother smiled. “I’m proud of you,” she said.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane starts the see the bits Fai tries to hide  
> -cw: mentions of self-harm and suicide

Kurogane

 

Kurogane was in the living room doing work when he heard the telltale sound of glass breaking in the kitchen. 

“Damn it,” he said when he came to the kitchen to see Syaoran scrambling to pick up the pieces of a broken glass. He picked Syaoran up and set him on the counter while he got the broom and dustpan. “You can’t be so careless!” he said to the boy. “For fuck’s sake there’s glass everywhere, and you could have stepped in it, and it would have been a big bloody mess and--”

He cut himself off to look up at Syaoran and noticed the boy was holding back tears.  _ Shit.  _

“I'm sorry Syaoran,” he said with a sigh. “I didn't mean to get angry. Thank you for doing the dishes. I shouldn't have yelled. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at…”

Kurogane sighed. He was mad at Fai. His boyfriend had been avoiding him for two weeks. He had been ignoring Kurogane’s calls, and their nightly talks were no more. When Kurogane came over, Fai was always shut up in his office and he never came to get Sakura anymore. If it was over, Kurogane thought he at least deserved to be told that face to face. He had thought they meant at least that much to one another. 

“Syaoran-kun,” he said. “Will you be okay on your own for a while if I go and deal with something? I'll try to be back before you go to bed.” Syaoran nodded so Kurogane got his jacket and headed for his car. One way or another he was going to get an explanation out of Fai.

When he arrived at Fai’s house and hammered on the door it was Toya who answered.

“He's upstairs in his room,” Toya said. Kurogane made for the stairs, but Toya said “wait. Just--please be kind to him. He's in one of his moods.”

“His moods?” Kurogane asked.

Toya raised his eyebrows slightly. “Is this the first time since you've met him? He gets like this sometimes. He acts cheerful, but he spends a lot of time in his office and doesn't get work done, and he takes long baths and sleeps a lot. There's always empty liquor bottles in the trash in the morning too. He gets better after a few weeks, but I know it's difficult for him.”

Kurogane nodded. It didn't surprise him. He wished Fai would have told him something was wrong, but that wasn't like Fai. With a sigh, he knocked on Fai’s door.

“What is it?” Fai’s voice came from the other side. “Give me a second to get ready.”

“It’s me,” Kurogane said. There was a pause on the other side of the door, so he pushed it open slowly. It was probably the first time Kurogane had seen Fai look anything other than perfect. Even when he woke up, or when he went to the hospital with a broken arm, Fai managed to look amazing. But now… his hair was messed up and greasy, his clothes were unclean, and his sheets looked old. His room had a stale, musty smell.

“Kuro-chii,” Fai said, with a forced smile. “Did we have plans? It must have slipped my mind…”

“We didn’t have plans,” Kurogane said. He opened a window and picked up liquor bottles from the floor next to Fai’s bed. “You’ve been drinking?”

“Just a bit,” Fai said with a laugh. “Stressful week, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Kurogane said. “Because you didn’t tell me. You haven’t talked to me or told me anything. I didn’t know anything was wrong, I just thought… Are you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay,” Fai said with that same smile. “Honestly, Kuro-tan, you come into my room unannounced in the middle of the night and  _ I’m  _ the one who’s not alright?”

“Don’t lie to me,” Kurogane growled. “Are you done with me? Did it scare you, meeting my parents? Is that why you didn’t call? Or do you just need some time to yourself. Fai, you’ve got to tell me these things.”

Fai sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. “I’ve been thinking, Kuro-sama,” He said slowly. “I really don’t deserve someone like you. I’ve been keeping so many secrets, and if you knew who I really was you would hate me, so it’s selfish really to keep this all up, and I think it’d be better if we just ended this. You can find somebody better than me. I know you’re very attached, but I think it’d be better. You can find somebody who deserves you.”

“Fai,” Kurogane groaned, and knelt by Fai’s bed. He took both of Fai’s hands in his, but Fai still avoided his eyes. “Do I not make you happy anymore?”

“You do!” Fai said. “But it’s more complicated than that. I’ve been awfully selfish, Kuro-tan, and I can’t go on…”

“And you make me happy,” Kurogane said. “What else is there? I don’t care where you came from or what you’ve done. You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to. I know you’re struggling right now, and I want to help. Please don’t push me away.”

“You can’t help me, Kuro-rin,” Fai said, and his voice faltered. “I just--I just get like this sometimes. I know it isn’t pretty. I really didn’t want you to see me like this. I thought for sure you’d want to be done if you saw what I can get like.”

“I wouldn’t leave for something like this,” Kurogane said. “I wish I could stay, but Syaoran is waiting for me at home. I just wanted to know where we stood, and I want you to know I’m not going anywhere. I’ll come by tomorrow to check on you. You don’t have to be alone with this.”

“Kuro-pon,” Fai said hesitantly. “Do you think I could maybe spend the night at your place? Toya-kun can watch over Sakura-chan, and I can pack a bag really quick. I just--I just don’t want to be alone. I can--I can make it worth your time.”

“That won’t be necessary. You can spend the night,” Kurogane said with a smile. “I’ll take care of you.”

 

When they got to Kurogane’s apartment Fai ran a bath while Kurogane put Syaoran to bed. “Fai is going to spend the night here,” he explained to his son. “He’s not feeling well, so I’m going to take care of him for the night.” Syaoran said nothing but nodded.

Kurogane went to the bathroom, where Fai was scrubbing shampoo through his hair. Kurogane sat by the tub and started taking off his prosthetic.

“I’m sorry to impose--” Fai started to say.

“Don’t apologize for that,” Kurogane said. “It’s no imposition to have my boyfriend spend the night.”

Fai returned to rubbing soap up and down his arms.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kurogane asked.

“Of course, Kuro-chan,” Fai said.

“Is all of this because of something I did? Did I freak you out, or get too close too fast, or…”

Fai laughed, “This has nothing to do with you, Kuro-rin. It just happens. I don’t know when or why, I just get really sad and lonely and like...like I don’t want to be alive anymore.” He paused. “I used to hurt myself, you know. When I was younger. But I don’t want to hurt the kids, and I know if I did anything reckless it would be bad for them, so I keep it together.”

Kurogane nodded. He had seen the scars: faint white lines in hidden places. Places that would be difficult to notice, even for a lover. It was clear Fai wanted nobody to see his pain.

“So your method of keeping it together is just to ignore everything?” Kurogane asked.

“Kuro-tan,” Fai said. “You have to understand… the only reason I've gotten this far is from smiling no matter what and pretending it's all okay, even when it's not. That way I don't even think about giving up. Somebody once told me as long as I keep smiling everything will be alright. Maybe it wasn't the best advice, but I'm here, and my life isn't so bad, you know.”

“I understand,” Kurogane said. “I don’t like it, but I understand why you do it. It's what you need to do to survive.”

Kurogane paused for a deep breath before saying, “I've been doing some reading.”

“Wow, I didn't think you had it in you,” Fai teased.

Kurogane glared at him. “I read an article about twins. About identical twins. It said when one dies the other one always feels like they've got a part missing. Like they're lonely and they never get over it. And it's quite common to feel survivor’s guilt.”

“You know it's rather unfair if you to bring up things I said when I was drunk,” Fai said. He leaned forward to pull out the drain on the bathtub. “Hand me a towel, Kuro-pon.”

Kurogane sighed, but reached for a towel and waited for Fai to dry himself off. Fai wrapped himself up in the bathrobe Kurogane had gotten him and they walked to the bedroom.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Kurogane asked. 

“Go ahead and put something on,” Fai said as he crawled between the sheets. “I’ll probably fall asleep soon. I’ve had a fair amount to drink if we’re being honest here.” He nestled up against Kurogane’s chest and allowed Kurogane to wrap his arm around his shoulders. “My offer still stand, you know,” Fai said.

“What offer?” Kurogane asked, flicking on the television.

“You’re being so good to me,” Fai said. “I could be… good for you.” He brought his down Kurogane’s chest to tease at the elastic of his pants and then brush over his cock through his pajamas.

For a moment Kurogane wanted to throw Fai off him in disgust, and yell at him to cut it out. “I don’t want that,” he said harshly. “You don’t need to exchange sex for kindness.”

“Whatever you say, Kuro-min,” Fai said. “I’m going to sleep then if you don’t want anything.”

“Sleep on your side,” Kurogane said. Fai rolled away from him, and Kurogane reached out to stroke his blonde hair until Fai’s breath evened out and he fell asleep. 

 

Kurogane woke up in the middle of the night and immediately felt Fai’s absence. He looked over to see the bathroom light was on, and he could hear Fai from the other side of the door. He was about to close his eyes and go back to sleep when he heard a sniff, and then a sob coming from the bathroom. He stood up and snuck to the door, soundlessly. As he got closer his suspicions were confirmed: Fai was crying.

“Open up,” he said, knocking on the door.

“Wow Kuro-pon,” Fai’s voice came from the other side of the door. “I didn’t think you’d be into  _ that _ kind of thing.”

Kurogane rolled his eyes. “I know you’re in there crying. Let me in.”

The faucet ran, and then the bathroom door opened. It was clear Fai had washed his face off, but his eyes were still red and puffy. “I didn’t want to wake you,” Fai admitted.

“You should have woken me,” Kurogane said. “Wasn’t that the point of you spending the night? Now come back to bed. You can cry if you want. It’ll probably be more comfortable under a blanket.”

“I don’t want you to see…” Fai said. 

“I won’t look,” Kurogane assured him. Fai nodded and returned to bed. This time, he settled his head against Kurogane’s chest.

“No peeking,” he whispered.

“No peeking,” Kurogane said, and he didn’t look down at Fai, not even when he felt his shirt get wet beneath Fai’s eyes, and not even when Fai’s chest started to shake. He just held him closer with his arm and stroked his hair until the shaking stopped and Fai drifted off to sleep.

 

Kurogane woke up two more times that night to find Fai in tears. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Fai said when Kurogane wiped his cheeks dry and kissed them.

“Don’t be sorry,” Kurogane said. Fai had turned away from him this time, but he was glad he hadn’t left the bed at least. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Fai shook his head and shrunk back against Kurogane’s body. “No, just please don’t leave,” he said. 

 

Kurogane was tired in the morning, but he managed to get up and make breakfast for himself, Syaoran and Fai. Fai was still asleep by the time he had to leave for the work so he covered the meal and left it in the refrigerator before going into the bedroom.

“Fai?” he said, settling on the bed next to Fai’s sleeping form.

“What is it?” Fai asked, blearily opening his eyes.

“I have to leave,” Kurogane said. “There’s food for you. You can stay as long as you like. You have a key, so just lock up after yourself if you go home.”

“Thank you Kuro-sama,” Fai murmured, then rolled back over to go to sleep again. Kurogane smiled softly, then left, hoping Fai would continue to sleep well.

 

Fai

 

Fai knew he should get up. He really ought to get home, get some work done, and do some chores, but Kurogane’s bed was warm and comfortable and it smelled of Kurogane. Fai buried his face in the pillow and breathed deeply. He drifted in and out of sleep for some time until he heard a key turning in the front door. Syaoran couldn’t be home from school already could he? Fai pulled the blankets off his head and looked up to see Kurogane in the doorway.

“I’m on my lunch break,” Kurogane said. “I wanted to make sure you ate. You haven’t touched your breakfast.”

“I’ve been tired,” Fai said with a shrug. Kurogane grunted and disappeared into the kitchen. Fai wondered if he was angry, or if he was disgusted. What kind of person stayed in bed all day until lunch time? But then Kurogane appeared in the doorway with a tray, which he set down on Fai’s lap.

“Will this be enough?” He asked. “Are you hungry?”

“No, this is lovely,” Fai said with a smile. “You should eat too. I don’t want you going hungry just because you came back to check on me.”

“How would you feel if Syaoran and I stayed at your place?” Kurogane suggested. “Just until you’re feeling better. There’s probably not room in Toya-kun’s room, but we could set Syaoran up in your office.”

“I wouldn’t want Syaoran uprooted for my sake,” Fai said. “It’ll be harder for him to do well in school if he’s not staying at home.”

“Syaoran will be okay,” Kurogane said. “I asked him about it this morning. He wants you to feel better. He’s grown to like you.”

“That’s very sweet of him,” Fai said with a soft smile. “I suppose he and Sakura would enjoy a sleepover.”

“These moods, how long do they usually last for you?” Kurogane asked.

Fai shrugged and poked at his eggs. “Sometimes a few days. Sometimes a few weeks. This is a bit longer than usual, but I think I’d been happy a bit too long.”

“Take the time you need,” Kurogane said and kissed Fai’s forehead. “I’ll stay by your side.”

  
  


Kurogane

 

Kurogane arrived at Fai’s house and was let in by Sakura. He shook the rain off his jacket and hung it up before taking off his shoes. 

“How are you, Sakura-chan?” He asked.

“Great!” She said. “But you’re all wet. Do you need a towel or anything?”

“I’m fine,” Kurogane said with a small smile. “But thank you for offering. It’ll probably start snowing soon, so this isn’t even bad compared to what’s coming.”

“Last year it snowed a lot,” Sakura commented. “I think we’re going on a class trip to the skating rink next week.”

“That’s good,” Kurogane said. “You’ll have to help Syaoran. He doesn’t know how to skate very well. Now, where’s your father.”

“He’s in his office,” Sakura said, glancing down the hall. “He’s been on the phone forever. He hasn’t even started dinner, so Yukito-san and I started.”

“Right, well I guess I can help you guys out until he finishes his call,” Kurogane said. He wanted to talk to Fai about something, but apparently Fai was busy. 

Fai has bought ingredients for a hot pot with beef and vegetables, so Kurogane got started preparing the meat. He had everything in the pot when he heard Fai’s office door open. 

“Did I hear you come in, Kuro-chii?” Fai called.

Kurogane rinsed off his hands and walked to Fai’s office. He had papers spread out throughout the room. “What was your call about?” Kurogane asked.

Fai waved his hand dismissively. “Just boring work things. It shouldn’t take as long as it did.” As he spoke, the fax machine whirred to life and started printing a document. It was right behind Kurogane, so he picked it up and handed it to Fai.

“Patent application?” He asked.

“Somebody I worked with thinks I should apply,” Fai said with a shrug. “I worked on some office buildings in Tokyo a while back and designed a new structure for earthquake safety. If I can patent it I’ll make a good bit of money, but that’s only if they consider it to be a new invention and all. But I’m not sure I’m going to do it.”

“Why wouldn’t you apply?” Kurogane asked. “No harm in trying.”

“It’s a lot of paperwork,” Fai said, and Kurogane knew he was lying. “You know I hate paperwork.”

“Patents are public record, aren’t they,” Kurogane said slowly.

“I think so,” Fai said. “Why?”

“So, if you got something patented, anybody could look you up and know you’re living in Japan,” Kurogane said.

Fai laughed weakly. “I guess somebody could. I don’t know why anybody would bother…”

“Fai,” Kurogane said. “I’ve worked as a police officer for over ten years. I know the signs when somebody is being stalked. Who is it you’re so afraid of? An abusive ex-boyfriend? One of your parents?”

Fai’s face crumbled. “You said you didn’t care about my past,” he said quietly.

“I care when it affects your present,” Kurogane said. “I’m trying to have a future with you, but there are things holding you back. I can help you. Whoever it is, I can look them up, make sure they aren’t in the country. I can help you get a restraining order, and--”

“That’s sweet of you, Kuro-chan, but wholly unnecessary,” Fai said. “He’s in prison, at least for a little while longer. There really is no reason for me to worry. You’re right, I ought to file those patent papers.” He smiled and slipped out of the room to help the kids with the cooking. Kurogane groaned. He should have known better than to confront Fai about this, but it had been too tempting, too obvious. There was the way Fai held his arm a little tighter at any sound on the street, the way he shrunk away from any stranger that passed a little too close, that momentary look of anxiety when there was a knock on the door or an unfamiliar number on the phone. And there was the way his eyes scanned the street every time he went outside, as if he were looking for somebody. Kurogane wished Fai could trust him, wished Fai could accept his help, but he was sure Fai had been hurt, and hurt badly. He didn’t know who, but he knew he was going to protect Fai from whoever he was afraid of.

Kurogane didn’t get Fai alone until after dinner when they were getting ready for bed. Kurogane and Syaoran had gotten in the habit of spending weekends at Fai’s house, and they ate dinner there more often that not. Sometimes Fai would come over for an evening during the week, and Syaoran knew to stay out of his father’s room so they could have some time alone together. Still, it never felt like quite enough. 

Fai was standing by the mirror, running a brush through his hair and whistling quietly. Kurogane walked over and ran his fingers through Fai’s blonde hair, then kissed the crown of his head. Fai tensed up ever so slightly before relaxing into his touch.

“I have a question for you,” Kurogane said. “I promise it has nothing to do with what we were talking about earlier. I’ll drop that if you want me to.”

“What’s your question?” Fai asked. He turned around to lean against the sink and smile up at Kurogane.

“I don’t know what you’re planning on doing over the holidays, with the kids and everything, but I talked to my parents, and they say you’re welcome to come stay with them. They’re house is pretty big, so there’s room for everyone. I explained Yukito-kun’s situation, and he’s welcome as well. I don’t mean to interrupt any plans you may already have, but as you invited us over for the summer, I thought it would only be fair to--”

Fai cut him off with a kiss, then said, “I would love to go. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -long chapter!  
> -two (2!) sex scenes

Fai

 

Fai only got lost twice getting to Kurogane’s parents house. Kurogane had given him very detailed instructions, and Toya was a good co-pilot, but Fai’s ability to get lost transcended everything. “I think we’re here,” Fai said, pulling up to a large house built in traditional Japanese style. As he got out of the car, Kurogane appeared in the front door, wearing a Hakama. 

“Wow,” Fai said with a whistle. “Kuro-pii looks good in traditional clothing.”

“Stop checking your boyfriend out and help us with the bags,” Toya said. Fai took one last glance at Kurogane then got out of the car and walked to the back. Syaoran appeared to take Sakura’s bag from her, and just as Fai leaned over to get his bag from the trunk he felt a hand on his hip.

“I can get that,” Kurogane said before slinging Fai’s bag over his shoulder.

“Kuro-pon is very strong,” Fai said as he followed his boyfriend into the house. They were shown into the living room where Hoshi was waiting with tea, while Syaoran and both Kuroganes went to put everybody's bags away.

“Ah, this is a very nice home,” Fai said, looking around to admire the architecture.

“It's been in the Suwa family for generations,” Hoshi said. “We were a little worried about who it would go to next until Kurogane brought Syaoran home. We never really expected grandchildren. I wanted lots of kids, but my health wouldn't allow it. But Kurogane was plenty to handle.”

“I bet he was,” Fai said with a laugh. “He said he got in lots of fights as a kid.”

“Kurogane always had to prove he was the strongest,” Hoshi said with a smile. 

“What are you saying about me now?” Kurogane asked as he entered the room. He sat down next the Fai and glared at his mother.

“Your mother was just telling me about what a bad boy you used to be,” Fai said with a giggle. “It seems unfair you got such a well-behaved child.”

“You’re one to talk,” Kurogane said, glancing over at Sakura and Toya. “Your kids are actually normal, unlike you.”

Fai hit him lightly on the arm. “That was very rude of you, Kuro-chan.”

“Do you two always fight like this?” Hoshi asked.

“This is flirting for them,” Toya said. “It’s disgusting.”

“It’s cute,” Yukito said.

“It’s not cute,” Kurogane grumbled, but he blushed when Fai kissed his cheek. 

 

Kurogane’s bedroom was spacious, and it opened up to a large courtyard. Fai stood outside in the snow for some time before coming in for bed. 

“I like it here,” He said, pulling down the covers of the bed. “It’s quiet.

“Sometimes it’s too quiet,” Kurogane said.

“What do you mean by that?” Fai asked. Kurogane was facing away from him, sitting on the edge of the bed, so Fai wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders and pressed their cheeks together. “What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing,” Kurogane said.

“Alright,” Fai said. “But you can never criticize me for lying, ever again.”

“Fine,” Kurogane said. “It’s just--the last time I was here was… it was after the injury. It was so weird. Everything I was was my arms, being able to fight. And then I woke up in the hospital and my arm felt strange and they told me they’d had to cut it off, and I just… I lost it a little. They sent me home to recover, and I was so angry, and I couldn’t do anything, and I know I scared Syaoran, but I felt like there was nothing for me to do, nowhere for me to go. With my parents taking care of me, it made me feel like some helpless child, and I didn’t want to feel that way.”

“So you came to Tomoeda,” Fai murmured.

“Yeah,” Kurogane said. “So I came to Tomoeda.

“And you met me,” Fai said brightly. “Is that why you’re so angry? Because of your arm?”

“No,” Kurogane said. “I’ve always been angry about… little things really. It never took much to make me go off. But I didn’t want to be that kind of person. Not when I had a kid. And not after... “ He paused to take a breath. “When I was new to the police force, I was pretty free about using my gun. The chief of police, Kendappa, always criticized me for it, but I never took her seriously. Not until I actually killed somebody. He was guilty--he killed his girlfriend--but we could have taken him alive. That was maybe seven years ago. I got suspended and came back here then also. My father was pretty angry with me about it. That’s when I decided I didn’t want to be the kind of person who goes off his handle and hurts people unnecessarily.”

“Oh my, Kuro-tan,” Fai said, running his fingers through Kurogane’s hair. “You’ve changed a lot though, haven’t you?”

“Have I?” Kurogane asked, looking up at Fai. “Do I--have I ever scared you? Made you feel afraid of me?”

“No,” Fai said with a laugh. “Never, never, never, Kuro-rin. I’ve been with a lot of very scary men, but with you, I always feel safe. I know you would never hurt me, and you’ll always keep me safe. And you only get really mad at me when I do something stupid to get myself hurt anyways.” He messed Kurogane’s hair up a little more and kissed his head before moving to sit on his lap. “Where are all these thoughts coming from?”

“You asked,” Kurogane said. 

“Mm, I suppose I did,” Fai said, gently running his fingers down Kurogane’s cheeks. 

“I’m done talking now, you know,” Kurogane said, a little sharply. 

“Then what do you want to do now?” Fai asked, bringing his fingers to brush over Kurogane’s lips. Kurogane took his finger between his teeth and bit gently, causing Fai to giggle.

Taking Fai’s hand in his, Kurogane brushed his lips against Fai’s knuckles, then brought his hand up against his cheek. “Fai,” He said slowly. “I know we’ve talked about this, but I want you to… I’d like it if you would…”

Kurogane bit his lip in hesitation. With a smile, Fai held his shoulders, then leaned in to kiss him and said, “What does my Kuro-pon want?”

Kurogane looked up to meet his eyes and said, “tonight I want you to be on top.”

Fai looked surprised for a moment, then smiled. “Anything you want, Kuro-min. It’s your first time, no?”

“Not my first time having sex,” Kurogane snapped. “Just my first time… in this position.”

“Well I think you ought to lie on your back,” Fai said. “That way I can do all the work, and you can just relax as best you can. The more you relax, the better it’ll be, and I know how tightly wound you are.” He poked Kurogane’s nose, but got off him long enough for Kurogane to lie down on his back. Fai hummed lightly as he undressed his lover, taking his time to brush his hands over Kurogane’s dark, well-muscled skin. “Kuro-pipi is very strong,” Fai commented as he spread Kurogane’s thighs apart and pushed them towards his chest. 

Kurogane began to feel somewhat vulnerable on his back with his legs spread and everything exposed, but soon he didn’t have time to think about anything, because Fai’s mouth was around his cock. Kurogane groaned as Fai worked with his mouth, going deeper and deeper, slowly. Kurogane watched for a while, but then tipped his head back. He heard the sound of Fai squirting lube into his hands, and a moment later he felt Fai’s fingers rubbing him lightly just at his entrance. Fai never took his mouth off him as he pressed the first finger in. He moved it in and out, waiting until Kurogane relaxed around him until he began to press the second finger in.

“You tell me if it hurts,” he instructed. Kurogane only grunted in response, so Fai returned to blowing him and working a second finger in. It wasn't his best blowjob, but he was more focused on what was going on with his hands. He worked Kurogane open with one hand, and gently stroked his thighs with the other. “You're doing very well, Kuro-pon,” Fai said, pulling his mouth of Kurogane’s cock with a wet pop. “You think you're ready for me?”

“Just do it already,” Kurogane growled.

Fai clucked. “So impatient,” he said, but he kept several fingers inside Kurogane while he got a condom on with the other. Slipping his hand out, he pressed Kurogane’s legs against his chest and slowly pressed in. Kurogane exhaled loudly. “Okay?” Fai asked.

“Yeah,” Kurogane panted. “It's just a little weird.”

“You get used to it,” Fai laughed. He moved slowly until he was fully seated against Kurogane, and then he started to move. Once he got a rhythm going, he leaned in to kiss Kurogane, pressing him further into the mattress with every thrust. It didn't take long before Kurogane let out a shout.

“Quiet,” Fai said, pressing his fingers to Kurogane's lips. “You don't want to wake anyone, do you?”

“Do that thing again,” Kurogane panted. 

Fai smiled and continued thrusting into Kurogane, hitting him in the sweet spot again and again. Kurogane's face turned red, but he stayed quiet, except for muttered curses. He dug his fingers into Fai’s back, and it didn't take him long to come, a panting mess beneath Fai. 

Fai looked down at his lover in pride, then finished up quickly while Kurogane came down from his orgasm.

“Come here,” Kurogane said, pulling Fai down towards him.

“I have to clean you up,” Fai protested as Kurogane pulled him down for a kiss. 

Kurogane stroked his hair and kissed the side of his face. “I love you,” he gasped.

He instantly knew it had been a mistake. Fai laughed and pushed himself off of him. “That's enough of your pillow talk, Kuro-chan,” Fai said, poking him on the nose. “I really ought to get you cleaned up.” He turned away from Kurogane to tie off the condom and then disappeared into the bathroom to get a wet towel. 

Kurogane didn't say anything when Fai returned, just took the towel and wiped himself off. “Did I hurt you?” He asked, lifting a hand to Fai’s shoulder.

“Don't even worry about something like that,” Fai said with a laugh. “I like seeing you come undone, you know. Anyways, I can take a lot more pain than this, though I know you're not into that kind of thing.”  

“I never want to hurt you,” Kurogane said, stroking over Fai's shoulder. “Now come here. We ought to get some sleep.”

Fai nodded and crawled into Kurogane's arms. He seemed to have forgotten Kurogane's confession but Kurogane knew he wasn't off the hook. He had thought about how he would say it to Fai the first time and hadn't been able to think of a good way, but he hadn't meant for it to come out in bed. He couldn't deny a small amount of disappointment. He ought not have had expectations for the first time Fai took him, but in his head it was something more. He had imagined Fai might use his name, might let him in the way Kurogane had.

“Are you okay?” Fai asked. “You look a little sad.”

“I'm okay,” Kurogane said. “That felt… really good. I just… I'm feeling a lot right now. I don't know how to talk about it.”

“That’s okay, I'll just hold you,” Fai said, snuggling deeper against Kurogane. “That will make things feel better.”

“Yes,” Kurogane said. “Yes it will.”

 

Kurogane

 

Kurogane woke up at his usual time, but stayed in bed late, letting Fai sleep. As usual, Fai had his face buried in Kurogane’s chest, and Kurogane just stroked his back lazily. Eventually, Fai lifted his head and looked blearily up at Kurogane. “Morning Kuro-chii,” he chirped.

“Your hair’s all messy,” Kurogane said, smoothing it out.

“Your hair is always messy,” Fai laughed. He stretched, cat-like, and went to the dresser to change. He pulled on a kimono and wrapped the obi deftly. Kurogane watched him with a soft smile on his face, then got up to get dressed. 

“Oh,” he said as he started walking. “Do you always feel like this the morning after?”

“What? Oh!” Fai laughed. “You get used to it. I hardly feel it anymore, especially if we have sex regularly. But the first time after a while, it can be rather sore.” He patted Kurogane on the bottom and then returned to getting dressed. “I’m sure you’ll manage. You’ve been in far worse pain, after all.”

“That’s true,” Kurogane grunted as he started dressing. He was just wrapping the obi around his waist when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Fai said brightly as Hoshi slid the door open.

“Breakfast is almost over,” she said. “I wanted to make sure the two of you ate while it was still hot.”

“Thank you very much,” Fai said. “Kuro-tan here was awake at a reasonable hour, but I’m afraid I overslept.”

“You should sleep as much as you want when you’re on vacation,” Hoshi said with a smile. “Your breakfast will be ready in the dining room. Come and eat quickly before it cools.”

Fai ran a comb through his hair while Kurogane finished up with his obi, and they made their way down the hall. “You didn’t tell me you grew up in a small palace,” Fai commented.

“The Suwa family used to be nobility in this region,” Kurogane muttered, rubbing his hair. “But that was along time ago. Now we’re just rich.”

“Are you going to move out here eventually?” Fai asked.

“Maybe,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “My parents want me to. I never thought I’d want to leave Tokyo, but now that I’m out, I don’t know.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Fai whined, pulling on Kurogane’s arm. Kurogane made a show of trying to shake him off, but he couldn’t help but smile.

As they sat down to eat, Yukito appeared with a piece of paper and a pen. “Can I recruit the two of you for a snowball fight?” He asked. “I’m drawing up teams.”

“Sure!” Fai said. “Kuro-pon and I would love to play.”

“How do you expect me to roll snowballs?” Kurogane demanded.

“You don’t understand proper snowball strategy,” Fai said. “You have somebody--usually the little ones--serve as the snowball factory, while somebody else works on the fort. If you were on my team, you would be the one throwing the snowballs. But I shouldn’t be telling you all this. We could be rivals, you know.”

“Alright,” Yuki said, “we’ll meet in the living room when you’re done with your breakfast and I’ll present the teams.”

“This should be fun,” Fai said as Yukito disappeared into the other room. “You ought to watch out for Sakura-chan. She’s surprisingly sneaky in snowball fights. I’m rather proud.”

“Like father, like daughter, I’m sure,” Kurogane said. Fai beamed.

After they had finished breakfast and washed the dishes, they joined the rest of the family in the living room. “Alright,” Yukito said, “I have the teams drawn up. Team one will be Syaoran-kun, Toya, Fai-san, and Suwa-sama. Team two will be Sakura-chan, myself, Kurogane-san, and Hoshi-san. We will have half an hour to build forts and then the fight will begin.”

“You put me with the brat on purpose,” Toya growled. Yukito just smiled at him.

“This should be fun,” Fai said. “Though I feel I am at an advantage, having a military commander on my side. But then, you have Sakura-chan, so maybe it’s even.” Sakura blushed.

They started their forts as soon as possible. Syaoran took his job of making snowballs very seriously, while Toya took charge of the wall building. They found a position between two trees to start building. And then, in no time, the fight was on. 

Hoshi was the first to go down, taking a snowball to the leg as she aimed for her husband. It was her own grandson who did her in, and she walked over to the sidelines to watch. Then Toya stepped out from behind the fort to begin tossing an armful of snowballs. Yukito snuck up behind him, and, not having a snowball, shoved a handful of snow down his jacket. Toya screamed, while Yukito laughed, only to get hit by Fai. Toya went down moment later from a snowball thrown by Sakura.

“Damned snow rabbit,” he muttered as he and Yukito walked to join Hoshi in the sidelines.

“We can’t aim from here,” Kurogane Sr. said. “We may have to sacrifice one of our own in order to take them down.”

“As my commander orders,” Fai said, scooping up a handful of snowballs. He ran at the enemy fort, hurling snowballs over the wall.

“We have to take him down,” Kurogane said.

“I’m out of snowballs,” Sakura said, clearly in distress.

“Don’t worry,” Kurogane said. “It’s up to you now, kid.”

Fai got Kurogane with a snowball to the chest before his boyfriend crashed into him and flattened him into the snow.

“A valiant effort Kuro-chan,” Fai said, “but now you're out and I'm still in.” As he spoke a snowball hit him in the face and, with a giggle, Sakura disappeared back behind the snow fort.

“I trusted her to be sneaky,” Kurogane said.

“Hmm,” Fai said. “Well, since I've got you in This position I may as well take advantage of it.” He wrapped his arms around Kurogane's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. They were buried in snow, hidden from the others, at least for a little while.

“Stop making out and got off the field,” Toya hollered.

“I think we ought to take this inside, Kuro-pii,” Fai said. Smirking, he reached around behind himself, and when he stood he made a show of loudly saying, “Kuro-rin, you dog, I think you've made my obi come undone.” Fai was indeed having some trouble with his kimono, but Kurogane wasn't about to take the blame.

“You must have done it wrong,” he said. “You've got to do it tightly if you're going to be running around in it.”

“It's not like I grew up wearing these things,” Fai said frantically. “This is embarrassing! Come inside and help me fix it.” And with that, Fai had taken his hand and was dragging him to their bedroom.

“You did that on purpose,” Kurogane said when Fai closed the door behind them.

“Of course,” Fai said with a laugh as he pulled off the next layers of his kimono, shaking out the snow. “I learned how to wrap a kimono from Yuko-san, and she is a very good teacher, after all. But now we have a very reasonable excuse for your parents. “And you know,” Fai added, sneaking up behind Kurogane, “As good as I am at putting these on, I’m even better at taking them off. I’ve been doing that a lot longer, you know.”

Kurogane had to admit that the speed with which Fai got his clothing off was, indeed, impressive. Soon they were both naked and Fai had pushed him down into the bed. Fai crawled on top of him and straddled him. Kurogane had just enough time to pull the blanket up over them--it was awfully cold--before Fai had him pinned to the bed and was kissing him. Fai’s mouth was warm and inviting, his tongue soft and pliant. Kurogane thought he could get lost in him.

“It appears I’m the one on top this time, Kuro-tan,” Fai commented with a grin.

“You can be on the top any time you like,” Kurogane said. “You won’t hear me complaining about it.”

Fai’s eyes darkened as he leaned in for another kiss, running his fingers down Kurogane’s cheeks. He rolled his hips against Kurogane, rubbing their erections together. Kurogane began to rut up against him He reached down to grip at Fai’s ass, which was barely covered by the blanket anymore. He had just gotten a firm hold on Fai’s ass cheek when he heard a cry of surprise.

Kurogane just looked over to see his mother in the doorway before she slammed the door shut and, calling an apology over her shoulder, hurried down the hall.

 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Kurogane Sr. said when his wife returned to the sitting room.

“Did you know Fai-sex and Kurogane were having sex?” Hoshi asked in a hushed tone.

Kurogane Sr. stopped with his glass halfway to his lips. “Well, they are both adults. I assumed you knew, and when Kurogane asked if they could share a room…”

“No, I don’t mean in general,” Hoshi said. “I mean right now.”

“What?” Kurogane Sr. demanded.

“I went to see if they needed help with Fai-san’s kimono, because Fai-san is foreign, and Kurogane’s only got the one arm, and it had been a long time, and I guess they got it  _ off  _ well enough.”

Kurogane Sr. was about to say something when his son appeared, Fai latched onto his arm. Kurogane opened his mouth to make some sort of excuse, but Fai said, “How did the snowball fight end? We were so disappointed to have to miss it.”

Hoshi stared at him for a moment, then said, “Well, it came down to Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan in the end. Kurogane-san took down Sakura’s fort, but she hit him, and then the kids ended up tossing snowballs at each other from behind trees. In the end Sakura-chan won, so that makes the winning team Sakura-chan, Yukito-kun, myself, and you, Kurogane.”

“How is the taste of victory, Kuro-chan?” Fai asked.

“Snowball fights are really for kids anyways,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “I don’t care.”

“Oh, but you’re so competitive,” Fai said. “I’m sure you’d be very angry if you lost. I expected you to be a lot angrier when I got you out.”

“Yeah, well it wasn’t a bad way to go out,” Kurogane said with a grin. His father cleared his throat. 

“Are we working on lunch?” Fai said brightly.

“I was about to get started,” Hoshi said. “But you shouldn’t worry about it. You’re a guest.”

“I put Kuro-pon to work in my kitchen all the time,” Fai said with a laugh. “I don’t mind, honestly. I’m not a bad cook, you know.” He followed Hoshi to the kitchen, leaving Kurogane with his father.

“Let’s have a drink,” Kurogane Sr. said.

“Father,” Kurogane said. “I’m guessing mother told you what she saw…”

“I said let’s have a drink,” Kurogane Sr. repeated. Kurogane followed his father into his office where he pulled out a bottle of sake--the expensive kind--and poured two glasses. “This thing you have with Fai,” he said. “Is it simply sexual?”

“No,” Kurogane said angrily. “It’s a lot more than that! I know we should have been more discreet, it’s just that Fai can be a bit impulsive, and I got caught up in it, but there’s a lot more between us that just that.”

“Is there?” His father asked. “Or do you just want there to be? The man doesn’t even use your name.”

Kurogane paused. There had always been small gestures he had taken as signs as trust. Indications they were moving forward. Proof that Fai was letting him in. But what if he was all wrong. What if, in the end, Fai just wanted a fuck buddy? Somebody to make him feel good, but somebody he could cut out when things got difficult. Somebody disposable.

“No,” Kurogane said. “It’s real. It’s just… I can’t rush him. He’s coming to trust me, I’m sure of it.”

“I’ve known people like him,” Kurogane Sr. said. “People take well to him, I’m sure, but he’s a liar. He’ll tell you what he thinks you want to hear, give you the relationship he thinks you want, but it will never be the truth, and it will never be real. I don’t want to see my son involved with somebody like that. I hate people like that--people who are fake.”

“I know the difference,” Kurogane said firmly. “I know when Fai is being dishonest, and he’s starting to tell the truth more, but it’s hard for him. It was difficult for me to understand, but he has reasons for being the way he is. He doesn’t just lie because he wants to hurt me. He’s afraid of getting hurt, and it’s the only way he knows to protect himself.”

“You’re speaking about him like he’s some sort of child,” Kurogane Sr said, his voice dripping in disdain. “I thought you were interested in men.”

That was it for Kurogane. He stood up, leaving his drink almost untouched. “Don’t speak that way about him,” Kurogane hissed. “I love him, I love him more than anything, and I won’t stand for anybody to speak badly of him. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been, and he makes me a better person. I thought that would matter to you.”

Kurogane was about to make his dramatic exit when his father said, “You can do as you please with your personal life, but don’t you think you’re letting Syaoran get awfully close to his family? If you want to take chances on a flight-risk, I won’t stop you, but you have a son to think about as well.”

“I’ll consider what you’ve said, father,” Kurogane said as he left, shutting the door a little harder than was necessary. He made his way to the kitchen, where Fai was stirring some miso and chatting with his mother, who was slicing vegetables.

“Are you going to help me cook, Kuro-rin?” Fai asked.

Kurogane wrapped his arm around Fai’s waist and kissed his cheek, breathing in his hair, before pulling away and saying, “fine.”

“Alright, well you can do the fish, because I don’t want to deal with it,” Fai laughed. 

 

Later that night Fai and Kurogane sat on a bench and watched the snow fall. “It’s rather cold out here, isn’t it, Kuro-chan,” Fai commented. He had wrapped a blanket around them, and he was snuggled against Kurogane--practically on his lap--but he was still shivering slightly.

“It’s because you’re too skinny. We can go in,” Kurogane suggested.

“No, I like the smell of snow,” Fai said with a smile. He leaned in to kiss Kurogane, and Kurogane took the opportunity to pull him even closer than before. When Fai pulled away, he looked nothing short of beautiful. He had some errant snowflakes on his blonde hair, and even on his dark lashes. His eyes stood out, bright against the night sky, and he had a pretty blush.

“I meant it, you know,” Kurogane said.

“Meant what, Kuro-sama?” Fai asked.

“I love you,” Kurogane said. “I know you don’t want you hear it, but I do. I love you.”

“Don’t say that,” Fai whispered. “People always say that, but it’s a lie.”

“I know you’ve been hurt by others who have told you that, but I’m not going to hurt you,” Kurogane said firmly. 

“Love is just an excuse people use to hurt each other,” Fai said, removing himself from Kurogane’s lap, and suddenly Kurogane felt very cold. “It’s not like it’s real or anything.”

“So you expected me to keep going and never say it?” Kurogane demanded.

“Honestly?” Fai laughed. “I didn’t expect us to last this long? I thought I’d get out before we got to this point. But you have to understand. I’m not the kind of person who can love, or be loved. I know you think if you give me time I’ll become the person you want me to become, but I won’t. Perhaps I shouldn’t have led you on. I should have just ended this a long time ago, but I was selfish…”

“Fai,” Kurogane said firmly. “I know who you are. I don’t expect you to return my feelings or do or say anything you aren’t ready for. I know this is hard for you to hear, but I wanted you to know that you  _ can _ be loved, that you deserve to be loved, just as much as anybody else does. I’m a grown man. I’ve made my own decisions when it came to you. If I wanted out, I could have left. But I’m here because I love you.”

Fai shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he whispered. “You don’t know who I really am.”

“I do,” Kurogane insisted. “You are kind, and you try to stay cheerful, even when you’re hurting. And I know you’re hurting, and you’re scared, and that’s okay, you can show me that. I know you love your kids, and you’re a great father. I know you’re brilliant, and you’re good at your work. I know there’s someone you’re afraid of, maybe more than one person. I know you’ve done things you’re not proud of. You feel responsible for your brother’s death. Maybe there’s some truth to that, I don’t know. I know you miss your brother. I know you put others’ happiness before your own because you don’t think you deserve happiness. I know you can get reckless, but you would never do anything to hurt your children. I know you feel something for me, and I know that terrifies you, because you want to be loved, but it’s also the thing that scares you the most.”

Fai smiled and stood up. “I should have known better than to date a detective,” he said, and disappeared into the bedroom.

Kurogane sat there in the cold for some time. He knew things would be difficult for some time. He hadn’t expected Fai to take it well. All he could hope for was for Fai not to pack his things and run. If Fai was mad at him, if he was cold, Kurogane could handle that. He knew he had overwhelmed him, done what he had been asked not to do and pushed him too far too fast, but he had needed to lay it all out there. This thing he had with Fai, he needed it to be serious, or he needed it to be over. 

With a groan, Kurogane went inside. Fai was in bed, pretending to be asleep. 

“Would you like me to find somewhere else to sleep tonight?” he asked.

“There’s plenty of room for two,” Fai said. When Kurogane got into bed next to him, he thought he may have been warmer on the bench outside. 

Kurogane

 

Kurogane woke up early to the sound of Fai getting dressed. Fai hadn’t touched him at all that night, just laid face down beside him, and now he was leaving as soon as possible. But Kurogane didn’t see a bag, so that was good. “Morning, Fai,” He said.

Fai turned to him, smiled, and said, “Morning, Kurogane.”

Kurogane felt like he had been stabbed in the gut. He had thought about what it might feel like when Fai used his name for the first time. He had thought it would be special, loving, intimate. He liked the pet names, but he’d always wanted Fai to be real with him, to communicate directly with him, with no barriers. Fai must have known that, and said what he said precisely to mock Kurogane and his hopes. To take what he had hoped would be a special moment and make it painful, use it to put distance between them instead. 

For the next several days, Fai behaved as if nothing was different when the others were around. The pet names were back, and he would cling to Kurogane just the same as always. There were “Kuro-pons” and “Kuro-chans” and kisses on the cheek, and giggled teasing. But when they were alone together, it was like an iron wall. The worst part was every night, before they went to bed, when Fai would matter-of-factly say “would you like to have sex tonight Kurogane?”

That was the only thing that made Kurogane angry. He had thought Fai thought better of him, knew he cared for him for a lot more than his body, but Fai was acting as if their relationship was purely sexual.

“Not if you're going to be like this,” Kurogane growled one night.

“How would you like me to be then?” Fai snapped. “Do you want me innocent? Do you want me to say how in love with you I am? Do you want me to resist? Do you want me to seduce you? Do you want the boyfriend experience Kurogane? I'll do what you want, you know.”

“I want you to be you,” Kurogane snapped. “You can have the room tonight. I'll find somewhere else to sleep.”

Kurogane stormed out and then considered his options. He didn't want to give his father the satisfaction of knowing he and Fai were arguing. It was a big house, so he could easily find an empty guest room and make it up in the morning. 

“Is something wrong?” Kurogane turned around to see his mother standing in the hallway in her bathrobe. When he didn't say anything she said, “let's have some tea.”

They didn't speak until they were sitting in the living room, holding cups of tea. “Fai and I had an argument,” Kurogane admitted. “He's angry with me, and I don't know when he'll forgive me. I don't know if he'll forgive me. He's scared by how close we're getting and he's trying to push me away. I won't let him, but he's driving me crazy.”

Hoshi sighed. “You've been unhappy for several days,” she said. “But he seemed like everything was fine.”

“He's good at that,” Kurogane said. “He wouldn't want the children to be concerned on his behalf. Toya-kun picks up on everything.

“He's a sharp boy,” Hoshi agreed.

“I don't know what to do,” Kurogane confessed. “I want him to see that I love him, but he refuses to accept it. He just--he's convinced he isn't deserving of love. I know there are things in his past that have taught him this. I know he's been abused or something, and I know it must be difficult for him to move past that, but I want him to just see that I love him. I think it's what he wants.”

“You can try,” Hoshi said. “But he may simply not be ready. You have to accept that there's nothing you can do to change him.” Kurogane nodded. It was a possibility he didn't want to face, but it was a possibility all the same. “If you spoke harshly to him you ought to apologize,” Hoshi advised. “It's best not to go to sleep angry. But I'll get a room ready for you. And I'll speak to your father. I know he said something to you that got all of this started.”

Kurogane nodded and made his way to the room he shared with Fai. He knocked before sliding the door open. He saw Fai wipe his eyes before turning to face Kurogane. From the light of the hall, Kurogane could see that Fai's eyes were red and puffy.

“I made you cry,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Please,” Fai said, his grip tightening on the blanket. “Please leave me alone.”

“If that's what you want,” Kurogane said. “But I wanted you to know I'm not angry with you. I feel exactly as I did before. You have a right to be mad at me. I'm just… sad. But it isn't your fault, and I don't blame you.”

“Please go away,” Fai said. “Just go.”

Kurogane nodded and made his way for the door.

“You really don't hate me yet?” Fai asked as Kurogane slid the door open.

“No,” Kurogane said. “I really don't hate you.”

Fai laughed. “And you call me the idiot.”

 

Fai

 

Fai was getting ready for his bath when there was a knock on the door. 

“Father?” Sakura said. “Can I come in?”

“Of course!” Fai said, opening the door. “What do you need?”

“I don’t want to bother you,” she said. “But I’m trying to sew this bear, and it just doesn’t look like a bear.”

“Let me take a look,” Fai said, and Sakura handed the stuffed brown bear to him.

“I got a kit for it,” she said as he sat down on the bed and examined the teddy.

“I think the ears are the problem,” Fai said. “They’re a little too close together, so the bear looks kind of like a kitty. We should take them off and move them a little further apart so it looks more like a bear.”

He helped Sakura remove the ears and stitch them back on, and she beamed when she saw the finished bear.

“Is it for somebody special?” Fai asked.

“Um,” Sakura said, holding the bear close to her. “I’m not sure yet.”

“Okay,” Fai said with a smile. “Well if you end up giving it to somebody, they’re very lucky. You put a lot of hard work and love into the bear.” 

Sakura nodded and stepped towards the door, but paused and said, “Tomoyo-chan said if you sew a bear and give it to the person you like and name it after yourself then you will be together forever.”

“Is that true?” Fai asked with a laugh. “Then you’d better make sure the person you give that to is really special.”

“You should make a bear for Kurogane and name it after yourself,” Sakura blurted out. “Then you two will be together forever.”

“Forever is a long time,” Fai said with a small smile.

“You don’t want to be with him forever?” Sakura asked, giving her father a concerned look. 

“I don’t know yet,” Fai said with a shrug. “I want to be really sure before I say forever to somebody. But of course I care about Kuro-rin a lot.”

“Good,” Sakura said with a smile and skipped out.

Fai sighed. Sakura had gotten very attached to Kurogane, and he didn’t know how he would explain it to her if he ended things.

Later that evening, Fai passed by the sitting room to see Syaoran and Hoshi working on a sewing project.

“The tail should go just here,” Hoshi murmured. Fai craned his neck over to see that Syaoran was, in fact, sewing a bear. He grinned to himself and made his way to bed.

 

Kurogane

 

On Christmas Day they exchanged gifts. Toya and Sakura had saved up to buy Fai a wallet. Kurogane received a coffee mug from Syaoran and a watch from his parents. Fai beamed when he opened a set of poetry books from Yukito with a rather long note attached. Fai’s gift to Yukito was rather simple: just a basket of his favorite foods, but the boy almost broke down crying when he read the note:  _ for my newest son. _

Kurogane was a little nervous when it came time for him to exchange gifts with Fai. He wasn't sure how Fai was going to take his gift, not with the difficulty they'd been having. He opened Fai's present first. It was a set of three neckties.

“Yours were getting a bit ratty,” Fai said, tapping Kurogane's chest. “Can't have the chief of police walking around in cheap ties with ramen stains on them, can we?” He smiled up at Kurogane, but looked away quickly.

“This is for you,” Kurogane said, pressing his gift into Fai’s hands.

Fai unwrapped the paper and then sucked in a breath of air. “It's blue fluorite,” Kurogane explained as Fai picked up the pendant. “It reminded me of your eyes. And your name, obviously.” 

Fai smiled softly as he let the pendant shine in the light, then said,  “Lift my hair for me, Kuro-chan.” Kurogane gathered Fai’s blonde hair and lifted it out of the way so Fai could tie the pendant around his neck. “How does it look?” He turned around to face Kurogane, the pendant lying against the pale skin of his chest.

“It’s..it’s really nice,” Kurogane said, biting his lip. 

“You’re so good to me,” Fai said with a laugh, and leaned into Kurogane as Sakura opened her Christmas gift. Tentatively, Kurogane wrapped his arm around Fai’s waist, and to his surprise, Fai took his hand.

 

Kurogane was getting ready for bed in the guest room when he heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” he said. He was surprised to see Fai come in.

“I think Kuro-chan has forgotten something,” Fai said, waving about the note on his Christmas gift.

“What?” Kurogane demanded.

“It says, ‘I have another gift for you, that I’ll be giving to you when we’re alone.’ Is it something naughty?”

“Right,” Kurogane sighed. He had forgotten about that. “Look, I have something for you, and I’ll give it to you, but maybe later.”

“You don’t want me anymore, do you?” Fai asked.

“That’s not it,” Kurogane groaned. “I want you as much as ever, but it wouldn’t feel right, sleeping with you when I know you’re still angry with me. Even if you hide it well, I know things aren’t normal.”

“If you say so,” Fai said with a shrug and turned to leave.

“You can stay if you want,” Kurogane offered. “You’re always welcome.”

“Sleep well, Kurogane.”

  
  


Fai

 

They made their way to a shrine on New Year's Eve. It was the shrine where Hoshi had grown up, and she was showing them around. 

“New Year’s is a time for new beginnings,” she said. “A time for leaving the past behind, with all of the memories and painful feelings that are holding you back. It is a time to move forward and start over. A time of rebirth. Consider what you want to leave behind in this past year, and what future you wish to move towards.” As Hoshi spoke, Fai felt a rough, calloused hand slip into his. He looked up to smile at Kurogane.

“I got you some mochi,” he said. “It’s on a bench over there if you want to sit. You don’t have to.”

“I like mochi,” Fai said with a shrug, and followed Kurogane to the bench. There was a bell ringing in the background, signalling that midnight was close. Kurogane watched Fai as he ate his mochi. “It’s beautiful here,” Fai said after a pause. “It kind of makes you believe it’s all possible. Leaving the past behind, making a new start, you know.”

“It’s worth a try, isn’t it?” Kurogane said.

Fai shrugged. “And if I can’t?”

“I believe in you,” Kurogane said. 

Fai set down his mochi and turned to smile at Kurogane. “Are you going to kiss me at midnight, Kuro-sama?”

Kurogane smiled. “There’s a lake down this way I think you would like.” He threw out their left over plates and then took Fai’s hand and led him down the path to the lake, where he wrapped his arm around Fai’s shoulder. The stars were reflected in the glassy surface of the lake, and Kurogane could see the stars twinkling in Fai’s eyes. “You’re beautiful, you know,” he said, twirling a piece of Fai’s hair in his fingers.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say to a man,” Fai giggled, but leaned his head into Kurogane’s shoulder. Kurogane glanced down at his watch. It was 11:58, so he took Fai’s chin and tipped his head up to bring their lips together. Fai opened his mouth for him, and then wrapped his arms around Kurogane’s neck, bringing them chest to chest. Kurogane gripped Fai by the small of his back and held him, and held him and didn’t let go.

 

It was well past midnight when they joined the others back at the shrine. “Ready to go home?” Hoshi asked. Sakura and Syaoran were yawning.

“Yes,” Fai said. “Sakura-chan, do you want a piggy back ride?”

Sakura nodded, so Fai scooped her up and put her on his pack, then they made their way to the Suwa home. Toya and Yukito trailed behind a bit, holding hands.

“Did you two get your New Year’s kisses?” Fai asked, turning around to grin at the teenagers.

“Glad to see you aren’t fighting with your boyfriend anymore,” Toya called back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Fai said, then returned to walking home.

“Were you and Kurogane-san fighting?” Sakura asked.

“Just a little disagreement,” Fai said.

“Was Kurogane-san mean to you?” Sakura asked.

“No,” Fai assured her. “Nothing like that. If anything I was a little mean to him. But he’s always very nice to me.”

“You’re never mean, father,” Sakura yawned.

“I’d like to be the person you think I am, Sakura-chan,” Fai said thoughtfully.

 

Back at the house, Fai tucked Sakura into bed. She was practically asleep by the time the covers were over her anyways. Fai picked up a gray teddy bear from her bedside table and tucked it between her arms. As he left, Fai waved to Toya and Yukito as he saw them disappear into Toya’s room. “Goodnight boys,” he called. “Keep it safe.”

Ignoring Toya’s indignant response, Fai returned to the room he had been sharing with Kurogane. As he had hoped, Kurogane was waiting for him. “You’re okay if I come back here?” Kurogane asked.

“Yes,” Fai said, smiling. “I’d like that. Anyways, now that I’m not mad at you, I’ve come to get my Christmas present.”

Kurogane swore, then went to his bag. “I don’t know if you’ll like this,” he said. “If you don’t, you don’t have to wear it or anything, but it’s for you. I mean, it’s for me too. But I saw it, and I thought you’d look good in it, and it seemed like something you might like, and anyways what I’m _ trying _ to say is will you please wear this?”

“Ooh,” Fai said, snatching the bag from Kurogane’s hands. “I get to dress up! Is it an elf costume? I think I’d be a cute elf.”

“It’s not… like that,” Kurogane said, scratching his hair. “Just open it already.”

Fai pulled apart the tissue paper and looked inside. “You got me lingerie?” He asked.

“Fuck, you hate it,” Kurogane said, covering his face. “I’m so embarrassed. Just throw it away. We’ll pretend I never gave it to you.”

“So this is what you’re really into Kuro-rin?” Fai asked, laughing. “You like lacy things?”

“Yeah,” Kurogane admitted, peeking between his fingers.

“Well you should get me more than one pair then,” Fai said. “There’s no need to feel embarrassed Kuro-pon.” He pulled Kurogane’s hand off his face and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “You like what you like, don’t you?” he said with a laugh. “And if this is what you like, I’d wear it every day to make you happy. Now let me go to the bathroom and get changed. Make sure the door is locked please, Kuro-puppy.”

Fai kissed his cheek and raced off to the bathroom. Kurogane double checked the door, then sat down on the bed and waited for Fai. After several minutes, a blonde head peeked out of the bathroom door. “I’m ready Kuro-chii.” Fai stepped out in a powder blue lingerie set, biting his lower lip and grinning at Kurogane, who was sitting there, speechless. “It’s a bit breezy in the back,” Fai said, looking behind him. “Easy access, eh.”

“The reviews said you could, um, leave them on, you know, during…” Kurogane said, but trailed off, from a mix of embarrassment, and admiration of just how good Fai looked.

“You’ve thought of everything, haven’t you, Kuro-pii,” Fai said. He walked over to stand in front of Kurogane. “So, what do you think?”

Kurogane took a deep breath, then reached up to run his hand over the pale flesh of Fai’s stomach. He could see Fai’s hard, pink nipples through the blue lace, and his brought his thumb up to rub Fai’s nipple through the fabric. Fai whimpered. “I like it,” Kurogane said finally.

Fai leaned forward and gripped Kurogane’s erection through his shorts. “I can tell,” he said with a grin. “Do you want to see the back?”

Kurogane swallowed, then nodded, unable to speak. Slowly, Fai turned around for him. The top showed off the nice curve of his shoulders and his prominent shoulder-blades. Kurogane trailed his hand down the arch of Fai’s back until he reached the lacy band of the panties. Kurogane had seen Fai naked plenty of time, and Fai was a sight to behold without a doubt, but something about seeing him in lace made Kurogane’s heart pound. He brought his hand over the curve of Fai’s ass tentatively. The underwear was open in the back, which would be perfect for when he finally got Fai to bend over.

Fai seated himself on Kurogane’s lap, then tipped his head back for a kiss. “Does Kuro-puu want a little lap dance, or shall we get right to it?”

Kurogane ran his hand down Fai’s thigh, then back up to gently squeeze Fai through the lace. Fai gasped up and arched against him. 

“We’ll have to save the lap dance for later,” Kurogane growled. “Right now, I want to be in you.” Fai gasped, but scrambled off Kurogane and climbed onto the bed. He sat up on his knees and waited for Kurogane to undress and then get onto the bed behind him. Kurogane placed a hand on Fai’s lower back, and, understanding the meaning, Fai bent over onto his elbows. He felt Kurogane’s hand gripping him through the underwear, and then there was Kurogane’s mouth, pressing kisses to his lower back. Kurogane even took the elastic of the underwear in his teeth and snapped it against Fai’s back, causing Fai to shiver. “I’m going to need your knees wider for what I’m going to do,” Kurogane said, and Fai gladly complied. He had been rimmed before, but he had not done it with Kurogane yet. He had thought Kurogane might consider it dirty or disgusting, but then the felt the flat of Kurogane’s tongue against his hole and he whimpered. Kurogane’s tongue probed deeper, pressing into him, while Kurogane stroked him, the rough feeling of the fabric creating friction against his cock. Fai pushed back against Kurogane’s face and spread his legs even wider, demanding. Kurogane didn’t hesitate to keep licking him, pressing his tongue deeper each time, then bringing it out to circle around Fai’s opening.

“Ah, Kuro-sama, you’d better fuck me soon or I’m going to come,” Fai gasped. 

“Then come,” Kurogane said, and returned to eating Fai’s ass. Fai felt his legs begin to shake, and he knew he was coming. He let out a small cry and fell on his stomach on the bed. Kurogane stroked his back, rubbing down his sides gently. “Are you good to keep going?” Kurogane asked when Fai caught his breath.

Fai nodded and arched his back up.

“I’ll get you a pillow,” Kurogane said, and positioned a pillow under Fai’s hips. Fai hummed when he felt Kurogane begin to work him open, slowly and carefully. Kurogane never hurt him, and always took his time to make sure Fai was comfortable. By the time Kurogane pressed into him, Fai was half-hard again. “You look so fucking good like this,” Kurogane grunted as he began to thrust into Fai. “I thought it’d be nice when I bought it, but seeing you now, it’s better than I imagined it.”

Fai pushed himself onto his elbows and angled himself back against Kurogane until Kurogane got him at the right spot. “We can do this whenever you want,” Fai panted. “Anything that gets you worked up like this is a good thing as far as I’m concerned.”

“You get me worked up,” Kurogane panted. “You’re too much, Fai.”

“I’ve been told that before,” Fai laughed, and pushed back against Kurogane, causing him to groan.

It didn’t take Kurogane long to come, and after falling on the bed next to Fai he rolled down Fai’s panties and finished him off with a few firm strokes. 

Fai lay there next to Kurogane, catching his breath before sitting up and saying, “Oh my, I think we’ve gotten these underwear rather sticky. Once I wash these, we’ll have to do this again.”

“I’d like that,” Kurogane agreed. Once Fai had put the underwear away and Kurogane had thrown the condom out, they crawled into bed together under the blankets. “So you like it when I lick you there,” Kurogane said with a smirk.

Fai blushed. “I like it a lot,” he admitted. “I didn’t know you knew how to do that.”

“I, um, read about it in a book,” Kurogane said.

“Has Kuro-pon been reading dirty manga?” Fai asked.

“You said you needed to keep things interesting,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “I’m just trying to do my part.” Hesitantly, Kurogane brushed the hair out of Fai’s face and said, “I love you, Fai.”

Fai looked up at him and brought his hands to trace over Kurogane’s jaw. He smiled and said, “I know, Kurogane.” Fai didn’t say anything else, but as far as Kurogane was concerned, that was more than a love declaration.

Kurogane

 

Their last night at Kurogane’s parents home, the adults sat up late drinking and talking. Fai allowed Toya and Yukito to have one beer each before sending them to bed. After Fai’s third whiskey sour, Kurogane took his glass away. “I’m cutting you off,” he said decisively.

“Kuro-pon is so mean,” Fai pouted. Kurogane could tell he was getting drunk because he was getting handsy. He had one arm draped over Kurogane’s shoulder, and kept poking Kurogane’s nose, or playing with his hair with the other.

“Kurogane never told me how to two of you met,” Hoshi said. “Did the children introduce you.”

“Yes, and no,” Fai said. “I was just trying to get to work, and this car was blocking me. So I went up to the driver’s window, and I met this very grumpy man, who shouted at me to get out of his way, and was generally very rude to me. And then that night my daughter brought his son home, so he was stuck with me. But I knew he was new to town, and I know it can be lonely being in a strange place, so I decided he needed a friend, so I may have forced myself on him a little. And then he insisted on turning things into a proper relationship.”

“I worried about Kurogane a little when he left for Tomoeda,” Hoshi admitted. “I’m glad he found you.”

“I have a question for you,” Fai said, turning to Kurogane’s parents. “You don’t seem at all upset about him bringing a man home. Weren’t you angry when you found out? I’m used to being kept a secret from men’s families, you know.”

“We wouldn’t be angry about something like that,” Hoshi said. “It was a bit of a surprise at first. But we just wanted Kurogane to be happy, and it didn’t matter if it was a man or a woman who made him happy. We don’t care what anybody says about it.”

“You have such good parents,” Fai said, smiling up at Kurogane.

“How did your parents react?” Kurogane Sr. asked. Kurogane shot his father a glare. Fai would never answer that question sober, but drunk…

“Oh, my parents were dead by that point,” Fai said with a laugh. “But if they’d found out I was a queer then I’d be the one in the ground.”

There was a long pause while Hoshi and Kurogane Sr. stared at Fai. “I think we’d better get you to bed,” Kurogane finally said. He stood up, dragging Fai with him. “Good night mother, father.”

“Good night,” Fai said with a wave and a giggle. “Honestly, Kuro-tan,” he said as Kurogane led him down the hall. “It’s not like I’m that drunk.”

“I don’t want you saying anything else you’ll regret,” Kurogane said. He got Fai into bed somehow, between the kisses Fai was trying to leave on his face and neck. 

“I’m so glad we’re not fighting anymore,” Fai said, crawling on top of Kurogane to nip at Kurogane’s neck.

“You were the one who was doing the fighting,” Kurogane pointed out.

“Details,” Fai said dismissively. His hands snuck under Kurogane’s shirt, but Kurogane stopped him.

“Slow down there,” he said. “You need to go to sleep.”

“But I want to play,” Fai whined. “You wouldn’t sleep with me for, like, a week. It’s left me very unsatisfied.”

“I’m sure you’ll survive,” Kurgane said. Kurogane was going to have marks in the morning he thought absently as Fai continued nibbling and sucking on his neck. But he seemed to be winding down.

“But I had to be mad at you, you know,” Fai said, nuzzling unto the underside of Kurogane’s chin. “It’s like I told Yuko. If I forgave you for loving me, then we’d be closer than before, and I didn’t want that to happen, so I had to keep you away. At least, I tried. It was more difficult than I thought it was going to be.”

“You talked to Yuko?” Kurogane asked.

“Yes,” Fai said, glancing up at Kurogane. “She said I’m not somebody others can just leave behind and forget about. That if I leave you, it will hurt you. I thought it would be the kinder thing to do, like ripping a bandage off, but she convinced me it would be worse for you if I went.”

“Yuko was right,” Kurogane said. “Sometimes relationships are difficult, and sometimes there are painful moments, but nothing would compare to the pain I would feel if I lost you. You have to know that.”

“I just think most people would be better off without me, you know,” Fai said with a yawn. “I try to make people happy, to make up for everything I’ve done, but I know it’s not enough.”

“It’s enough,” Kurogane assured him. “It’s more than enough.”

“I’m cursed, you know,” Fai murmured, his eyelids getting heavy.

“Cursed?” Kurogane said with a slight laugh. 

“That’s what my parents always said,” Fai whispered. 

“Don’t worry about that,” Kurogane said. He reached up to stroke his hair until Fai’s breathing slowed down and evened out. “Don’t even worry about a silly thing like that.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family moves in together

Fai

 

Several weeks after New Years, Kurogane drove Fai down to Tokyo for a night out. They were headed back to Tomoeda when they heard police sirens behind them.

“I think you’re being pulled over, Kuro-pon,” Fai said, glancing in the mirror.

“For fuck’s sake,” Kurogane muttered. “I’m not even speeding.”

“Not very much,” Fai said. “It’s be rather embarrassing for you to get a ticket, wouldn’t it?”

“Shit,” Kurogane said as an officer approached. “It’s Soma.”

“Friend of yours?” Fai asked when the officer tapped on Kurogane’s window.

“What do you want?” he snapped, rolling down the window.

“I thought I recognized your car,” She said with a smirk. “You never come to visit anymore. This seemed like my only opportunity to see you.”

“You’re not supposed to use the sirens for personal use,” Kurogane said.

“I had special permission from the chief of police,” Soma said with a laugh. The squad car opened and another woman got out, coming to join Soma by the window.

“Kendappa-sama,” Kurogane said with a slight nod of the head.

Amaterasu glanced over at Fai then back at Kurogane. “Are you going to make introductions?”

Kurogane sighed. “This is my boyfriend, Flourite Fai. Fai, this is Kendappa-sama and Soma-san. I worked with them when I was still in Tokyo.”

“A boyfriend?” Soma asked, turning to Amaterasu. “I can’t remember the last time Kurogane had a boyfriend. And you’ve been hiding him from us.”

“Were you keeping me a secret from your friends, Kuro-chan?” Fai asked, slapping Kurogane on the arm. Soma and Amaterasu exchanged a shocked look. 

“Well I think this calls for a drink,” Amaterasu said. “Soma has to be up for a stake-out later, so maybe some coffee?”

“Can I go and park, or are you going to take me to the station first?” Kurogane asked.

“Let’s meet at the cafe by the station,” Amaterasu said with a smile.

 

“You’re okay with this?” Kurogane said as he drove Fai towards the cafe.

“Of course,” Fai said. “I’d love to meet your friends.”

“Well if you’d rather go home I can make some sort of excuse,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “Just let me know. Soma and Kendappa-sama can find time to bother me some other time.”

“They can bother you now,” Fai said with a grin. 

They parked the car and walked into the cafe, which was still busy despite the late hour. “The line looks a little long,” Fai said, glancing at the queue. “Kuro-pii, would you mind getting my drink while I hold us some seats. I don’t want to wait.”

Kurogane rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he said.

“Soma, if you don’t mind, could you get me a latte?” Amaterasu said. “No need for us all to waste time in a line.” Soma gave her an odd look, but went to wait in line with Kurogane while Amaterasu and Fai found seats.

“Before you ask, I do recognize you,” Amaterasu said, once she and Fai were alone.

“Thank you for not saying anything to Kurogane,” Fai said.

“So he doesn’t know?” Amaterasu asked. When Fai shook his head, Amaterasu said, “You should tell him. He’ll understand. He was always kind in matters like that.”

“I think it’s different when it’s your own boyfriend,” Fai said with a laugh. “I know I don’t have forever. He’ll find out eventually, and then it’ll be over, but I can’t bring myself to end things, even though I know I should.”

“Kurogane-san is a good man,” Amaterasu said. “He has some flaws, but you can trust him. He won’t judge you.”

Fai opened his mouth to respond, but then smiled when he saw Kurogane approaching with a drink for him. “Caramel macchiato with extra caramel, whipped cream, and more caramel drizzled on top,” Kurogane said as he set down the cup in front of Fai. 

“Just the way I like it,” Fai said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Soma returned with two drinks, and they all sat down.

“You know,” Soma said. “I’ve never seen Kurogane take an order from anyone, not even from Amaterasu. I don’t know anyone else he would go and fetch a coffee for.”

“Maybe Syaoran,” Amaterasu said.

“Kuro-puu is a very good boy,” Fai teased, earning a glare.

“I thought he would strangle you when you called him that,” Soma laughed.

“I thought so too the first time I used a nickname with him,” Fai laughed. “But he’s used to it now. I annoyed him into submission.”

 

On the drive home, Kurogane glanced over at Fai and asked, “Why did you pretend not to recognize Kendappa-sama?”

“So she said something after all,” Fai sighed.

“No,” Kurogane said. “I just know when you’re hiding something. And when you’re trying to get rid of me.” Fai turned away from him to look out the window. “Don’t tell me then if you don’t want to,” Kurogane said. “It’s your business.”

“I broke the law,” Fai blurted out.

“Okay,” Kurogane said.

“That doesn’t bother you?” Fai asked.

“Can’t have been too bad if Kendappa-sama never pressed charges,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “Was it violent? Did you hurt anybody?”

“No,” Fai admitted.

“Then it doesn’t matter,” Kurogane said. “Whatever it is, I can deal with it. If you want to tell me, it won’t make a difference in how I feel about you.”

“That’s easy to say now,” Fai said. “If you knew, I’m sure you’d be singing a different tune.”

 

Fai

 

Fai finished up his bath one night and returned to Kurogane's bedroom to find his boyfriend spread out on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“What's going on in that spiky head of yours?” Fai asked, sitting on Kurogane's lap.

“You're getting me wet,” Kurogane grunted.

“Ooh,” Fai said. “Keep up the dirty talk, Kuro-pii.”

“You're ridiculous,” Kurogane said, poking Fai in the stomach. “I wanted to talk to you about something.

“Is it something bad?” Fai asked.

“I don't think so,” Kurogane said. “I never know how you're going to take things, but I hope it's a good thing.”

“Alright then,” Fai said, “tell me this hopefully good thing.”

“I've been thinking,” Kurogane started. “It's awfully inconvenient, this whole arrangement. When you come over,  you have to spend a lot of time away from your kids and Toya-kun and Yukito-kun get stuck babysitting. And when I go to see you, Syaoran has to spend too much time away from home and sleeping on the floor of your office. It’s very inconsistent for him…”

“So you’re saying we should see less of each other,” Fai said, his head drooping.

“Just let me finish, will you,” Kurogane growled. “Furthermore, even with all this hassle, I still feel like i don’t see you often enough. And I can’t help but think everything would be so much easier if we all lived together.”

“Us?” Fai asked. “Move in together.”

“I know Toya-kun doesn’t like Syaoran-kun very much, but he’s never been cruel to him, and I know he’d help Syaoran-kun if it was necessary and other than that the kids all get along quite well, so there’s no issue there. There are shots you can take for allergies, so I could be okay living with Kero. And then there’s us. If it’s too soon, or you’re overwhelmed, I won’t be insulted. Just be honest with me. But I think we ought to at least discuss the possibility. I don’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for. Don’t answer right away. Please just take some time to think about it, and then tell me what you think.”

Fai nodded, and then laid down next the Kurogane.

“Fai,” Kurogane said after a pause.

“Yes Kuro-chii,” Fai said.

“I’m saying this because I truly want to be with you. I know you come with secrets and a past, and I’m okay with that. I know there are things I don’t know, and I don’t need to know them in order to make this decision. So don’t say no on account of that, please. I know what I want, please just decide what you genuinely want.”

“I can try, Kuro-tan,” Fai said with a laugh. “I’ll try.”

 

Kurogane

 

Kurogane arrived at Fai’s house in a bad mood after an evening of particularly bad weather. Sakura greeted him, and Syaoran was already in the sitting room, working on his homework. “Fai-san helped us with our math homework,” Syaoran said. “We should do quite well.”

“Good,” Kurogane said. “You know I’m hopeless at math. I’m glad he can help you with that.” 

Kurogane was about to help Yukito and Toya with dinner when a voice came from the office. “Kuuuuro-piiii. I have something to show you.”

With a sigh, Kurogane went to meet Fai in his office. The place was a mess, as usual, perhaps a bit more than usual. Fai had started work on a new apartment building in Tokyo, and there was a lot of pressure to finish it quickly. “What is it?” Kurogane demanded.

Fai hesitated, looking a bit uncertain before handing several pamphlets to Kurogane. Kurogane looked down. “Houses?” He asked.

“There’s a neighborhood kind of near the police station, so it’s actually less of a commute than your apartment now, but it’s still walking distance from the school. It doesn’t really matter to me how near or far I am from the office since I hardly ever go there. There’s several houses big enough for all of us. Each of the kids could have their own room. In some of these houses, Toya-kun and Yukito-kun could have a little more privacy too. If we get this one we could even have a guest room for when your parents come to visit. And there’s a nice yard, and a tree that’s good for climbing. I always wanted a good climbing tree when I was little. And this one--”

Kurogane cut him off with a kiss. “So this is a yes?” He asked.

“This is a yes,” Fai said with a smile. “I talked to a realtor. Well, three, but the third didn’t make a fuss about selling a house to two men, so I decided to go with her. And she says she can show us some places on sunday. It will be quite a process, but the sooner we get started, and tell the kids, the sooner we can all live together and be a family.”

“A family?” Kurogane asked. “That sounds nice.”

Fai beamed

 

Fai

 

Moving out of one house and into another, larger house took several months. It turned out Fai had a lot of things. For somebody who was ready to cut and run at any moment, he certainly had amassed a large quantity of useless stuff. He was used to being able to pack his whole life up into one suitcase if necessary, but here he was, filling three moving trucks. Granted, half of one of them had Kurogane’s things. 

“You really couldn’t get rid of any of this?” Kurogane asked as they started unloading boxes. Or, more accurately, Toya and Yukito unloaded boxes while Fai watched and restrained Kurogane from lifting anything to heavy.

“It’s a big house,” Fai said with a shrug. “We need to fill it. Besides, I like having things to remember good things by. Like this.” He pulled a massive plush cat out of one of the boxes and shoved it at Kurogane. “Do you remember getting this for me, Kuro-puppy?”

“Yes,” Kurogane growled, then muttered, “Mine is in that box over there.”

“You kept it?” Fai asked, genuinely surprised. “I never saw it when I poked around your apartment.”

“It wasn’t hidden,” Kurogane said. “I had it in the cupboard with Syaoran’s board games. I’m surprised you didn’t see it sometime when the kids played a game.”

“Kuro-rin is very sentimental,” Fai said with a grin.

“Well it looks like the trucks are empty,” Kurogane said. “Shall we go inside?” Fai nodded and followed him to the front door. As Kurogane made to open the door, he felt Fai’s arms wrap around his neck.

“What do you want?” He demanded.

“You have to carry me over the door,” Fai said.

“Is this some weird Swedish tradition?” Kurogane asked.

“Do you want me to bring demons into our new home?” Fai asked. “Piggy back ride!”

“I can’t really hold you,” Kurogane pointed out.

“I can hold on with my legs,” Fai assured him. “Please?”

“Fine,” Kurogane grunted, and crouched down enough for Fai to spring onto his back. He walked Fai into the entryway and let him down. “Satisfied?” He asked. 

“Yes Kuro-pon,” Fai said. “Thank you for indulging me.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai opens up a little more  
> -Cw: more detailed talk about child abuse, description of panic attacks

Kurogane

 

Living with Fai turned out to be quite different from dating Fai. Kurogane thought he had spent enough nights to get an idea for it, but he hadn’t realized that Fai never really slowed down. Sometimes Fai would go through days where he hardly slept, talked non-stop, and would wake Kurogane up at odd hours for sex. Kurogane had never lived with a boyfriend before, and he wasn’t used to not being able to go to his own apartment for a few days, or even hours and be alone. The first time he snapped and yelled at Fai to leave him alone already, he felt overtaken with guilt, until Fai just giggled and pinched his cheeks. “Kuro-woofy is all bark and no bite,” Fai commented once.

Despite many annoyances, and a lack of sleep, Kurogane didn’t regret his decision, not for a minute. When he went to bed with his arm wrapped around Fai’s shoulders and woke up with blonde hair in his mouth--something he had come to hate and love in equal measures--he really couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed.

But it was the middle of the night, and when Kurogane woke up, there was no Fai next to him. The bathroom light was off. Kurogane supposed Fai might have gotten up to do some work, but that wasn’t like him. He would stay up late working on his projects, but never wake up in the middle of the night. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep without at least knowing where his boyfriend was, Kurogane pulled on slippers and a bathrobe and made for the door.

Just before he got to the door, he heard a noise from the closet.

“Fai?” He asked. There was no response, so, feeling very foolish, he slid the closet door open. Fai was on the floor, under the rack of shirts, in a nest of blankets. Kurogane crouched down to look at him. “What are you doing in here?” He asked

“I’m sorry,” Fai said quickly, his eyes wide, “I--I know it’s weird, but I just--I sometimes feel better, you know, in a smaller space, when I--when I--” Fai cut off when he was having trouble speaking. In fact, he seemed to be having trouble breathing.

“Fai,” Kurogane said. “Are you having a panic attack?”

Fai shook his head, then nodded, then shook it again, then pulled his knees to his chest.

“Okay. Shit, um, okay,” Kurogane said, doing his best to stay calm. He’d been given training on how to deal with a witness who was in shock, but he’d always let Soma deal with those kinds of situations. He was terrible when it came to things like that. But he was Fai’s boyfriend, and right now it was his job to help. “Alright,” he said. “You’re going to be okay. You just have to focus on breathing. Just take a deep breath in. Yes, like that. Now let it out, slowly. Just focus on your breath. Do you think you can move?”

Fai shook his head violently, and his breathing quickened, so Kurogane just said, “Okay, I’m not going to make you. You don’t have to go anywhere, or do anything you don’t want to do. All you have to do is focus on breathing. That’s your only job right now. Good. You’re doing well. You don’t have to talk. Just breathe. Now, if you can, let go of your legs, and put them on the floor. That will give your chest more space to expand. Sit up straight.” Fai did as he was directed, and his breathing began to even out.

“Good job,” Kurogane said. “Is there anything that helps? Can I get you anything?”

Fai was silent for some time, then, hesitantly, he said, “water.”

“I can get water,” Kurogane said and disappeared into the bathroom. When he came back, Fai was still breathing, and he began drinking the water, slowly, clutching tightly to the glass. 

“I’m okay now,” Fai said with a smile, setting down the glass. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Kuro-pon. I know I must have alarmed you.”

“It’s fine,” Kurogane said. “But you don’t have to go hiding in closets. You can just wake me up.”

“I like it in here,” Fai whispered. “I know it’s weird. You must think I’m so strange. I just like it when it’s small and dark, and I don’t have to see anything. When I was little, I could hide in places like this and believe that nothing could find me. I could be safe, for at least a little while, you know.”

“Okay,” Kurogane said. “Can I join you?”

“Join me?” Fai asked. “If you want.” He scooted over to make room for Kurogane who crawled under the shirts and sat next the Fai. Fai curled up against his chest and allowed Kurogane to wrap his arm around Fai’s waist.

“I’m going to keep you safe, you know,” Kurogane said. “As long as you’re with me, nothing and nobody is going to hurt you.”

“I know, Kuro-chan,” Fai said with a laugh. He took Kurogane’s hand in his. Kurogane rubbed over the palm of his hand, accidentally brushing over the deep, white scars.

“Sorry,” he whispered when Fai winced.

To his surprise, Fai lifted his hands so they were illuminated in the moonlight. “I got these trying to scratch through a door,” he said. “It was foolish, really. It takes a long time to get through a wooden door, but we were hungry, you know. Yuui and I.”

Kurogane didn’t say anything, just buried his face in Fai’s neck.

“But even when things got bad, it was always okay,” Fai said, and Kurogane knew he was smiling. “Because no matter what, I always had my brother. It was always the two of us, always together. Nothing could keep us apart. But then he died. But in a way, I’m glad he did, because the things that happened to me after, at least I knew it was happening just to me, and nothing bad could ever happen to him ever again. But now when good things happen to me, I think it should be him instead. He was always the better one.”

“You were thinking about him,” Kurogane said.

Fai nodded. “I was thinking about things I didn’t want to think about. Things I can usually ignore. But sometimes it’s harder.”

“You could talk about these things,” Kurogane suggested, knowing Fai’s answer.

Fai laughed. “You can’t know,” Fai said. “If you know, you won’t love me anymore, and I can’t have that.”

“I won’t ever stop loving you,” Kurogane said, pulling Fai a little closer.

 

The next evening Kurogane brought Fai flowers. Bluebells from the park on his walk home. Fai put them in a jar of water on his bedside table. It was the first time he had left bed that day. “Have you eaten?” Kurogane asked.

“No,” Fai said. “I’m not very hungry.”

“Well you’ve got to eat,” Kurogane said. “I’ll start on dinner. I’ll call you down when it’s ready. If you don’t come down I’ll just bring it up, so there’s no need to come down if you’re not up for it.”

“I’ll come down,” Fai said. “But I’d better clean up before the kids see me.”

“You’re not tricking Toya-kun, you know,” Kurogane said. 

“I don’t want him to worry about my problems,” Fai said with a shrug. “I’m supposed to be here to worry about his problems.”

“Well I’m here to worry about your problems now,” Kurogane said. “Starting with food. I don’t care if you’re hungry or not. You’re eating a meal, one way or another. I’m making ramen.”

Kurogane had started preparing dinner when Sakura and Syaoran got home. “Sakura-chan,” he said. “Can I have a word with you?”

She looked nervous for a moment, but ran over to the kitchen and asked what she could do for him.

“Your father isn’t feeling well,” Kurogane said. “He doesn’t want you to worry about him, so don’t mention it, but just try to be extra kind to him, and maybe give him an extra hug. I think he could use some of your cheerfulness for some of the next few days.”

“Okay!” Sakura said, lighting up. 

Fai showed up, dressed and looking for all the world as if nothing was wrong. Sakura ran up to him and hugged him, then started telling him all about her day. Smiling, he sat down with her, and just listened.

“You know, Sakura-chan,” Fai said, when Sakura paused. “Your smile has it’s own kind of magic.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane learns the secret Fai has desperately tried to hide from him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I'm not sure if you all are going to like this, but it's the direction I decided to go in, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> -I had to give Fai some sort of Tragic Past™  
> -content warning could be spoilers, so see endnotes for cws before reading

Kurogane

 

On a Saturday night, Kurogane took a train into Tokyo to meet Fai, who had been down there meeting with the owner of the building he was working on. He waited outside the building Fai had mentioned for nearly twenty minutes until Fai came out, pulling on a hat and scarf. Fai brightened noticeably and ran to give Kurogane for a kiss. “Thank you for picking me up, Kuro-chii. How about I take you out to dinner?”

“It’s my treat,” Kurogane said. “I got us reservations somewhere nice.”

Fai took Kurogane’s arm as he lead him to a Kaiseki restaurant. He knew Fai liked to be pampered, and it would help him get out of his low mood a little faster. “Kuro-tan is so good to me,” Fai said in a singsong voice.

Throughout the meal, Fai told Kurogane all about his building, at least the parts Kurogane would understand, and several things he didn’t. Kurogane told him a little about work, but he wasn’t good at finding things to talk about the way Fai was. 

Early into the night, Kurogane noticed a man at the bar who was staring at Fai. It wasn’t unusual: Fai was very attractive, and he stood out, even in an international city like Tokyo. Still, this man had hardly taken his eyes off Fai, so Kurogane kept an eye on him throughout the night. He didn’t want to alarm Fai, but he knew, or at least strongly suspected, Fai had a stalker from his past. Kurogane would have to make sure they took precautions on their way home.

They were half way into the fifth course when the man made his way directly to the table. “What are you looking at Kuro-rin?” Fai asked looking over his shoulder. His face fell. It was clear that he knew the man, and that he was afraid.

“Fai,” the man said, standing too close to Fai and glaring down at him.

“Katashi-san,” Fai said with a little laugh. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“That’s how you greet me,” Katashi hissed. “I come by your apartment one day, and you’re just gone, all your things gone, not even a note. After everything I did for you.”

“That was about sixteen years ago,” Fai said. “You can’t still be upset about that.”

“I gave you everything,” Katashi said, his voice starting to rise. “And you threw it away to run off with some other man, didn’t you?”

“I hope you aren’t going to cause a problem here,” Kurogane said, flashing his badge to Katashi, or whoever he was. Kurogane didn’t care what his name was, he just cared that he was upsetting Fai.

“You’re with a cop now?” Katashi said with a sneer. He looked at Kurogane and said, “I wouldn’t place too much trust in a whore like him.”

“We’re going to take this outside,” Kurogane said calmly as he grabbed Katashi by the forearm and pulled him towards the door.

“Wait,” Fai called after him. “Wait, Kurogane, let him go. It isn’t important. I don’t want you getting hurt on his account.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Kurogane growled as he dragged Katashi towards the door. He knew he was causing a scene, but he didn’t care. 

“Please don’t,” Fai said. “I don’t want you to. Let’s just go home. Please.”

Kurogane knew he should listen to Fai, should let this one go, but he was too angry. He hadn’t gotten this worked up in a while, so he ignored Fai’s pleas and shoved Katashi out the back door into an alley. “We’re going to settle this like men,” Kurogane said, lifting up his fist. “I’ve got one arm, but you’re what, sixty? Should be a fair fight.”

“I don’t know what kind of arrangement you have with him,” Katashi said. “But he’ll run. As soon as he finds someone who can give him more. I thought I gave him everything he could want. He had his university tuition paid, textbooks bought, a nice apartment, expensive clothes, good food and anything he asked for. I didn’t ask for much in return.”

“I don’t know what you had with Fai, but it’s different now,” Kurogane said. “And you don’t get to disrespect him, not in front of me. I know you didn’t treat him well, and that’s enough for me to end you right here.”

“Do you not know?” Katashi asked. “He was a young, attractive boy, alone in a new country with no money. How do you think he got himself through school? He was walking the streets, came to me pretty roughed up one time. He was the one who suggested a long term arrangement. I gave him a better life. I got him out of that business. I only had a few simple demands, but he has no loyalty apparently.”

Kurogane shoved him against the alley wall. “Fai was sixteen when he came to this country,” he hissed. “He was a child.”

“He seemed to know what he was doing,” Katashi spat. “I wasn’t his first, not by any means. Maybe you want to think of him as some innocent child, but he uses people to get what he needs, and then he leaves. He’ll do it to you too, just wait.”

Kurogane punched Katashi across the jaw and shoved him to the ground before returning to the restaurant. Fai was gone, but that was hardly a surprise. Kurogane settled the bill, and then took the train home. Fai didn’t answer his calls, not that he expected him to. He knew he had betrayed Fai’s trust. Fai had asked him to let Katashi go, to leave Fai’s past in peace, but Kurogane had let his anger get in the way. His anger always got in the way. He rubbed his face angrily. Fai always talked about hurting the people around him, but Kurogane’s track record wasn’t good either if he was honest. 

With a sigh, he dialled Toya’s number.

“Kurogane-san?” Toya said, picking up the phone.

“Toya-kun,” Kurogane said. “Is your father home yet?”

“No,” Toya said. “He isn’t with you?”

“We had an argument,” Kurogane admitted. “He might be pretty upset. Just--please make sure he doesn’t do anything too reckless when he gets home.”

“What did you do?” Toya asked.

“I messed up,” Kurogane sighed. “I need to talk to him, set things right.”

“Fine,” Toya said. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Kurogane leaned back against the train seat for the rest of the car ride. He was forced to walk home, as Fai had taken the car, so by the time he reached the house he was thoroughly soaked. Toya was waiting for him when he opened the door.

“You hurt him,” Toya said, standing in the hall with his arms crossed.

“You going to kill me?” Kurogane asked.

“Just go upstairs and fix whatever you’ve done,” Toya said, jerking his head towards the staircase.

Kurogane nodded and made his way to their room. When he opened the door, Fai was throwing things into a bag. “I’ll be out of here quickly,” Fai said. “I’ll go to a hotel, and then I’ll make arrangements for the kids. I don’t know. I’ll figure something out. You’ll never have to see me again, I promise. I’m really sorry for lying to you for so long.”

“Fai,” Kurogane said slowly. “Katashi didn’t tell me anything I didn’t suspect already.”

“You knew?” Fai asked.

“I didn’t know,” Kurogane said, sitting down on the bed. “But I guessed. It’s what made sense, given the bits I know about you, and the way you behave around sex and things.”

“I see,” Fai said with a cold laugh. “So you’ve gotten a pretty good deal then, haven’t you? You can have me when you want me, and you’re not even paying me anything, eh Kuro-rin?”

“That’s not it!” Kurogane insisted. “When will you get it into your head that I love you. And I am sorry.”

“What could you possibly have to apologize for?” Fai asked.

“You asked me to let Katashi go. I should have ignored it, but sometimes I let my anger take control of me. I wanted to make sure he never went near you, and I didn’t think about what you wanted. And I learned things you didn’t want me to know. So I’m sorry.”

“It isn’t your fault for wanting answers,” Fai sighed. “It’s in your nature. And I know I don’t give you any.”

“Will you please just tell me how it started?” Kurogane asked. “I’m not angry with you, I promise. I just want to understand. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, but I hope you do.”

Fai sighed and sat on the bed next to Kurogane, hugged his legs to his chest, and began, “I was fifteen, and I needed to get out of Sweden. There were school fees, and visa applications, and a plane ticket to be paid for, and a lot of paperwork, and I didn’t have the money. Sex was the only thing I was any good at, so I used that to make some money. I always looked young for my age. Back then I could pass for thirteen, twelve even, and certain men would pay a lot for that kind of thing. I said I’d be done with it, but I got to Japan, and I had rent to pay and food to buy, so I got back into it again. I picked up men at bars, and it was okay for a while, until one man got a little too rough with me. I didn’t mind getting roughed up a little, but this was something else. He had the decency to drop me off at the hospital, or else I would have really been in trouble. With the injuries I had, the hospital called the police. That’s how I met Kendappa-sama. She was just a detective back then. I told her I was fine, and not to worry, but she left a bug in the room. She overheard me talking to my procurer--Kyle Rondart--when he came to see me and ask when I could get back to work. She ended up arresting him. He had several kids working for him. Anyways, she said she wouldn’t arrest me or anything, but if she picked me up again, she’d send me back to Sweden.

“Going home wasn’t an option, and I didn’t want to go to the hospital again, so I went to Katashi. He had been a regular. A bit boring, but he never hurt me, and I knew he had money. He set me up with an apartment and bought me all sorts of things. But there were a lot of rules. I had to be at the apartment at all times when I wasn’t at class. I couldn’t talk to men other than him, I had to wear whatever he told me to, and cook him dinner every night, even though he never told me when he’d be visiting. I skipped class and moved my stuff out one day. I spent a few days with Watanuki-san, but it didn’t take me long to find another man to take care of me. The next guy let me have a part time job, but he hit me sometimes. I moved between men for a few years, leaving when they got too attached and tried to own me. Once they started talking about love, I knew it was time to go. Then they’d start to forget it was all an exchange. Sex for a place to stay: nothing more. 

“Eventually I could support myself, and I lived on my own for the last year of University. There were a lot of men after that, but none of them ever paid me. I promise, I haven’t done anything like that since I was a kid. I knew it would be bad for someone like you to be involved with someone like me, and I knew I ought to have told you, or at least stayed away, but I just couldn’t.”

“I told you, I’m not angry,” Kurogane said. “Not at you. You were just a kid then, even younger than Toya-kun is now. I remember reading about the Kyle Rondart case. He recruited kids with nowhere else to go. When you’re younger than eighteen it’s not even considered prostitution. It’s considered human trafficking.”

Fai shook his head. “I don’t want you getting the wrong idea,” Fai said. “I sought out all those men. I initiated things. Nobody forced me. Nobody threatened me. I could have figured something else out. I knew what I was doing.”

“But somebody groomed you, didn’t they?” Kurogane said. “For you to be fifteen and choosing to get involved in sex work. There was an adult who had no business touching you. Somebody who showed you what to do. Somebody made you think it was normal.”

Fai shook his head, and Kurogane could see tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Fai said, shaking a little. “Please don’t make me talk about this.”

“Okay, okay,” Kurogane said. “I’m sorry. Can--would you like me to hold you.”

Fai nodded and leaned up against Kurogane, who held tightly onto Fai’s shoulders. “I don’t understand how you aren’t disgusted in me,” Fai said.

“It’s not your fault,” Kurogane said. “And even if you had been older, if it had been your decision completely… I could accept it. I could accept just about anything. Because I love you.”

“You don’t have to,” Fai said quietly. “If you wanted to go, if it’s too much trouble… I’d understand. I won’t blame you for ending things. I know I’m a lot to handle.”

“Yeah,” Kurogane said with a laugh. “You are a lot to handle.” Fai looked up at him, a worried expression on his face, so Kurogane pressed a kiss to his forehead, “But I think I can handle it.” Fai wrapped his arms around Kurogane’s neck and buried his face in Kurogane’s shoulder.

“Kuro-chan,” he said slowly.

“Yes?” Kurogane asked.

Fai mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “ _ I love you.” _

 

Fai

 

When Fai woke up, He was not alone. He pinched himself to make sure, then looked up to see Kurogane. “You’re still here,” he said.

“I’m still here,” Kurogane said.

Fai glanced at the clock. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I was feeling ill,” Kurogane said with a grin.

“And you call me a liar,” Fai murmured, cuddling into Kurogane.

“Are you hungry?” Kurogane asked.

“No,” Fai said, but his stomach gurgled.

“Liar,” Kurogane laughed.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Fai whined.

“I won’t ever leave,” Kurogane promised with a kiss on Fai’s forehead. “I’m just going to make you breakfast. Pickled fish and cucumbers, right?”

Fai kicked him. “You’re the worst,” he said. 

When Kurogane got downstairs Toya was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. “No school?” Kurogane asked.

“We didn’t have morning classes,” Toya said. “So I came back after soccer. Yuki is still asleep.”

“I’ll make him something to eat,” Kurogane said, pulling out twice as much food. “Are you hungry?”

“Already ate,” Toya said with a shrug. “I just have some work to do.” Toya kept his eye on Kurogane while he cooked, and Kurogane knew Toya had come home to check on his father.

Kurogane was just finishing up breakfast when Fai appeared in the kitchen. “Good morning Toya-kun!” he said. “Do you need any help with your chemistry?”

“No, I understand it,” Toya said, turning his attention back to his book. “How are you?”

“I’m feeling well,” Fai said with a yawn. “A little hungry. Kuro-puppy is taking his time with the breakfast.”

“You could help,” Kurogane growled.

“You said you’d make me breakfast,” Fai said, taking a seat opposite Toya. “He’s so mean to me,” Fai whined.

“I’m sure,” Toya said. He looked up when Yukito appeared at the top of the stairs, rubbing his stomach.

“Is that breakfast?” Yukito asked. “Do you think there will be any left…”

“I’m making some for you,” Kurogane said. “And it’s ready now.” Yukito helped him make up trays, and they all sat down to eat together. Toya looked over his family and smiled. All was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: sexual assault, underage prostitution/human trafficking


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane's birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I've decided to make this into a series, so I'm going to have one (maybe two if I decide to break it up) chapter in part one, and then I'll start posting part 2. Part 2 will get into more of Fai's childhood with Ashura and will be a lot darker in tone (Ashura is not a good guy in this fic, sorry if you liked him.) I'm going to try and do NaNoWriMo, so there might be a gap between parts one and two, but that's the plan at least for now :)
> 
> -flowerspeaks wanted to see the lap dance scene, and I got a little carried away...

Kurogane 

 

Kurogane woke up to a large weight suddenly being dropped onto his lap.

“Fai,” he grunted, cracking an eye open.

“Good morning, birthday boy,” Fai chirped. “Breakfast is almost done. Syaoran is finishing it up, so I have about twenty minutes to get you up.”

“No need to make a fuss,” Kurogane said. “It’s not like thirty-five is a special birthday or anything.”

“Nonsense, Kuro-chan,” Fai said, rolling down the blanket. “Now, I think to get you ready for the day I might just eat you for breakfast.”

Kurogane rolled his eyes, but opened his mouth for Fai to kiss him and then watched as Fai pulled down his pajamas and took him in hand. Fai didn’t bother with teasing, which he usually liked to do, and instead swallowed Kurogane down, making things go quickly as possible. It was not a bad way to wake up, Kurogane thought as he tangled his fingers in Fai’s hair and guided his head, slow at first, then faster. When Kurogane came, Fai swallowed without complaint, then popped back up for a kiss, all smiles. 

Kurogane was considering turning him over and pinning him to the bed for a second round when there was a knock on the door. “Breakfast is ready, father,” Syaoran said.

Kurogane sighed. “Thank you Syaoran-kun,” he said. “I’ll be down in a few minutes. Go ahead and eat without me. I don’t want you and Sakura-chan getting to school late on my account.”

“That wasn’t quite twenty minutes,” Fai said with a laugh, as he got off Kurogane to go get dressed. “You’d better get ready quickly. Don’t want to keep the kids waiting.”

“Don’t act like this isn’t your fault,” Kurogane growled as he reached for his prosthetic arm.

“Are you complaining?” Fai asked, looking over his shoulder. “You seemed to enjoy yourself, but if you’d rather I didn’t…”

“Just get dressed,” Kurogane said.

They joined the kids for breakfast. Syaoran had clearly gone to some trouble to make it look nice, and Sakura had helped him. If there was too much salt, or certain portions were overcooked, Kurogane didn’t show it, just smiled and swallowed down his meal.

“Thank you very much Syaoran-kun,” he said, wiping his mouth when the plates were empty. “That was very good. And thank you for helping, Sakura-chan. Now you two ought to get to class. Sakura-chan shouldn’t be late any more than she already has been.”

Sakura blushed, but grabbed her school bag and ran out the door with Syaoran.

“You have to leave for work right away, don’t you?” Fai asked.

“Yeah,” Kurogane said.

“I’ll do the dishes then,” Fai offered. “But there’s something I want to talk to you about later. I have a gift for you I want to give you in private.” Kurogane raised his eyebrows. Fai slapped his arm. “Not that kind of gift, you dog. Though I did buy something nice to wear tonight. It’s just… I don’t want to pressure you.”

“What…” Kurogane started to ask.

“I’ll tell you later,” Fai said. “Your lunch is on the table. Don’t be late to work.”

 

Fai

 

That night Fai had prepared a special meal for Kurogane, and then the kids gave him gifts. Nothing big, just enough to show their appreciation. While the kids did the dishes, Fai pulled Kurogane into his office.

“I want you to look at this,” Fai said, shoving a pamphlet into Kurogane’s hand.

He looked down and saw pictures of people with what looked like robotic arms doing tasks such as opening and closing their fingers and picking up objects.

“They're called myoelectric prosthetics,” Fai said. “I went to school with the man who designs them--Monou Fuuma. There's a waiting list usually, but he's agreed to see you right away if you want. You could have some motion in your arm, but there are drawbacks. I understand you might be happy the way you are, but I thought you deserved the option.”

“You're getting me an arm?” Kurogane murmured.

“Just a consultation for now,” Fai said. “And you don't even have to go. But if you want the arm, then yes, I'm getting you an arm. But only if you're sure you want it.”

Kurogane sat down and rubbed at his face. “I'm not ashamed of having lost my arm,” he said.

“I didn't mean to suggest…” Fai said.

“And I don't wear my prosthetic to make others comfortable or to pretend it didn't happen,” Kurogane continued. “It makes me feel more like me. But I could go without it. I don't need a plastic arm or a robot arm. It really isn't necessary.” He paused for a breath. “But still, being able to do more on my own more easily, it would be nice, you know. So yeah, I'll go to the consultation.”

Fai smiled. “whatever you want,” he said. “It doesn't matter to me, you know, if you have an electric arm, or your old arm, or you take the thing off. I just want you to have all the opportunities.”  

“Thank you,” Kurogane said. “It means a lot to me.” 

“It's nothing,” Fai said, stroking his cheek. “I only want to make sure the man I love is happy.”

 

Kurogane

 

Later that night Kurogane came into the bedroom to find Fai putting an R&B track into the stereo. 

“Sit, Kuro-puppy,” he instructed, gesturing Kurogane to the armchair by the window. “Now stay.” He disappeared into the bathroom while Kurogane waited, his mouth dry. He leaned his head back against the chair until he heard the bathroom door open.

Fai was standing in the doorway in a sapphire blue lingerie set. He had a halter top bra, and loose, lacy shorts through which Kurogane could easily see everything. “I know you like me in blue,” Fai said, turning around slowly as he twisted his hips. “I thought we might have fun with these. 

“Come here,” Kurogane growled.

“Oh, you thought you were in charge?” Fai said with a grin as he turned back around. He made his way to Kurogane and shoved his legs apart. “I am.”

Kurogane really couldn’t complain about that, not when Fai gripped the armrests and leaned in to blow gently against his ear. He stood back up and continued to sway his hips while running his hands over his stomach, thighs and chest. Foolishly, Kurogane reached out to run his fingers over Fai’s smooth skin, but Fai snapped his fingers and batted Kurogane’s fingers away.

“No touching,” Fai said with a grin. “If Kuro-puppy misbehaves I’ll have to tie his hand up,” Fai added, reaching out to tug Kurogane closer by his necktie. “We wouldn’t want that would we?”

If he was honest, Kurogane wouldn’t really mind that, but he wanted to see where Fai was going to go with this. Fai loosened his tie enough to be comfortable, then leaned over, his hands on Kurogane’s thighs, while moving his hips in circles. He ghosted his hands up Kurogane’s chest, then slid his knee on either side of Kurogane’s thigh, where he hovered his ass just an inch above Kurogane’s thigh, inching closer and closer to his crotch as he wrapped his arms around Kurogane’s neck. 

Fai seemed to know just when it was getting too overwhelming for Kurogane, because he slowly pulled himself off Kurogane’s knee and turned around. He leaned over and ran a hand up the back of his thigh and looked over his shoulder to make eye contact with Kurogane as he lightly slapped his own ass. Kurogane’s face went hotter than he thought was possible, and then Fai’s hands were on his knees and Fai’s butt was inching toward him in undulating motions, too slowly. Kurogane wanted to grab him and yank off the panties, but that wasn’t part of Fai’s plan. 

Once Fai’s ass was just an inch over Kurogane’s straining erection, inconveniently restrained by his trousers and briefs, Fai reached up to run his fingers through his hair and then pull off the lace top, before reaching back to hook one arm around to grab hold of Kurogane’s neck. It was a truly impressive show of muscle control and flexibility. Kurogane had a few unpleasant thoughts about how and where Fai might have learned to do this, but then he felt Fai’s teeth close on his bottom lip and pull away.

He could barely see the blue of Fai’s eyes--his pupils were blown so wide. Kurogane leaned in and gave Fai a quick nip on the neck, earning himself a little giggle.

“That was very naughty,” Fai laughed as he pushed himself to a standing position, letting Kurogane get a good view as he did so. Hooking his thumbs over the elastic, Fai pulled his shorts down over his rolling hips and let them fall to the floor and daintily stepping out of them before kicking them in the direction of the bed. He turned back around straddled Kurogane, moving his hips just an inch over the tent in Kurogane’s trousers. “I have half a mind to make you come right here in your pants. I could, you know. You’re helpless right here beneath me. I’m not sure you deserve anything else, do you, Kuro-puu?”

Fai lowered his hips to grind against Kurogane who groaned and said, “Please.”

“Please what?” Fai asked, now grinding hard against Kurogane, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. “You want my mouth? My ass? You want me in you?”

“I thought you were in charge,” Kurogane said with a grin. 

“Good boy,” Fai purred. “Then I want you to take off your clothes and lie on your back on the bed.” While Kurogane laid down, Fai unlocked their bottom drawer and selected his materials. He ran his fingers down Kurogane’s chest and thighs before pulling out the red silk. Fai didn’t take control too often, but when he did, he liked to surprise his boyfriend.

“Color, Kuro-puppy?” Fai asked as he began to wrap the silk strap around Kurogane’s wrist. Kurogane liked the red silk, and Fai loved seeing him wrapped up in it, but Fai prefered the feeling of handcuffs around his wrists when he was playing this role. 

“Green,” Kurogane said, panting a bit.

“Good,” Fai crooned as he parted Kurogane’s knees and propped Kurogane’s bottom up on his thighs. Fai took out the smallest of the butt plugs he had gathered and after circling Kurogane’s opening a few times, he slipped the oiled up toy in a left it on the lowest setting. He heard Kurogane grunt and smiled to himself as he poured more oil onto his hands and leaned in to run his hands over Kurogane’s stomach and chest, massaging as he went. He brought his hands down Kurogane’s sides to knead his ass, and then started on his thighs, purposefully leaving Kurogane’s hard red cock untouched. When he lightly tickled his way up Kurogane’s thighs he even got a moan for his efforts.

Feeling satisfied with himself, Fai pulled out the toy and oiled up the next size up. Kurogane arched into the stretch, but showed no sign of pain. Fai turned the setting up on the vibrator, and reached forward to play with Kurogane’s nipples.

“Do you want me in you Kurogane?” Fai asked, getting a shiver in response. Nothing got Kurogane like using his full name, so Fai used that one sparingly.

“Please,” Kurogane panted. 

“Do you think you can wait to come until I’m fucking you?” Fai mused, trailing his fingers down Kurogane’s stomach, coming to a stop just above the head of his penis. “If you come first, you won’t get it.”

Kurogane nodded, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“What color are we at, Kuro-pon?”Fai asked as he finally touched Kurogane where he wanted, running his finger down the vein on the underside of Kurogane’s cock. 

“We’re green,” Kurogane said as Fai gently massaged his balls. 

Fai smiled and gently gripped Kurogane, sliding his hand up and down his length in even strokes. He waited until he had Kurogane panting and straining against the red strap before he finally brought his fingers down Kurogane’s perineum and pulled the toy out. Kurogane made some sort of whine that Fai would definitely tease him about later when he found himself empty, but Fai didn’t wait long before slowly pressing into him. Kurogane jerked his hips, but from this angle he didn’t have control and couldn’t draw Fai in any faster. Fai waited until he was fully seated and then gripped Kurogane by the thighs and angled his hips so he could hit him right in the prostate. 

Kurogane came with a shout, then fell back against the bed, boneless.

“You’re loud, my love,” Fai said with a laugh. “But you did so well, waiting so long.” Fai pulled out, ignoring the hardness between his own legs. Tonight was all about Kurogane after all. 

Fai sat on Kurogane’s lap to undo the strap around his wrist, when he heard a gruff voice say, “Come here. Wanna make you come.”

“I’ve already been in you,” Fai commented. “I’d have to clean off first.”

“Wasn’t planning on sucking you off,” Kurogane said. “Unless you’d prefer that.” Fai felt a hand on his ass, pulling him towards Kurogane’s face.

“Pinch me if you can’t breathe,” Fai instructed. He gripped his cock with one hand and grabbed the headboard with the other while he lowered himself onto Kurogane, not putting his full weight on him, but giving him the access he needed. He moaned when he felt Kurogane’s tongue against him. It wouldn’t take him long to come, not after being in Kurogane. He sped up the pace of his hand and Kurogane didn’t bother teasing either, just pushed his tongue in as far as he could and licking the inside of Fai’s rim. Kurogane had a firm grip on his ass, and the way he was flicking his tongue around Fai’s hole, Fai was barely holding it together. He could feel his thighs shaking, and when Kurogane gripped him by the lower back, pulled him closer and plunged his tongue into him at the same time, Fai came, white spurts against the headboard.

Fai crawled to Kurogane’s side before collapsing next to him. “Good?” he asked, reaching out to lace his fingers in between Kurogane’s.

“Good doesn’t do it justice,” Kurogane sighed. “I never cared much for birthdays, but now…”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane realizes just how happy he is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Child sexual abuse

Kurogane

 

Kurogane made his way to the office building and sat down in a modern looking waiting room. Fai had offered to come with him, but he had wanted to come alone. He didn't want to disappoint Fai if he decided not to take the arm. He knew Fai didn't care one way or the other, but he didn't want to seem unappreciative of Fai’s gift.

“Suwa, Kurogane,” a young man called, and lead him into an office with an expansive view of Tokyo. 

A tall man leaned in to shake his hand. “Hello Suwa-san, my name is Monou Fuuma. Fai-san has told me quite a bit about you. He seems rather fond of you.”

“Yes, well Fai can be rather affectionate,” Kurogane said, wondering exactly what Fai had said about him. “He says you make arms.”

“I do,” Fuuma said. “This company--Piffle Prosthetics--is my company. There are only four companies worldwide that make anything close to what we make here. Myoelectric prosthetics rely on electrical signals from the residual limb to create movement. With training, you can gain back many functions that you had before losing your arm.”

“How long will it take to get used to it?” Kurogane asked.

“It depends on the person,” Fuuma said. “It could be a few weeks or a few months. We recommend waiting some time before giving up on the prosthetic. I will tell you it does take time and patience. A myoelectric prosthetic is a commitment, but you will gain a lot from it. Fai says your current prosthetic is purely cosmetic.”

“Yes,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “I didn’t like the kind with all the straps--it seemed to complicated. When I first lost my arm, I didn’t want to bother.”

“As far as operating, these are fairly simple,” Fuuma said, picking up a prosthetic hand from his desk. “You simply put it on--it will be easier than what you wear currently--and press a button to turn it on. But as I said using it is complicated and takes some time to get used to. We have physical therapists who will train you. If you think you will get frustrated and give up, you may as well save your boyfriend the money now. We have plenty of people on waiting lists. But if it’s something you want, this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity for you.”

Kurogane ran his fingers over the rubber hand, and picked up the prosthetic, imagining what it would be like to have movement again. It would be nice--useful--but also strange. Foreign. He would be wearing something that was not his. He glanced down at the arm hanging by his side. He’d been carrying around dead weight for quite a while.

“I’ll give it a shot,” he said, setting the arm down. 

  
  


Fai

 

Fai was in his office, drawing together a blueprint when he heard the shuffle of feet and a hesitant knock on the door.

“Yes?” he asked. “Come on in.”

Toya poked his head into the room and hovered awkwardly by the door.

“Toya-kun,” Fai said, his face splitting into a grin. “Do you need anything? Sit down! I’m not too busy. I’m feeling rather uninspired to be honest.”

Toya sat down across from his father and took a deep breath. “Can I ask you a question,” he said hesitantly.

“Of course,” Fai said. “You can ask me anything. Is it about sex?”

Toya groaned and reached up to scratch his hair. “You know Yuki and I have been together for a while, and well, we’ve been getting closer, and we’ve thought, you know, it’s about time to take things further. I mean, we are both adults, and…”

“I thought the two of you would have been having sex a long time ago,” Fai said with a laugh. “It’s probably a good thing you took it slow. You have condoms?”

“Yes,” Toya said. “It’s just… I don’t want to hurt him or anything.”

“Oh,” Fai said, raising his eyebrows. “It doesn’t have to hurt at all. Unless you both decide you like that, which is fine. Whatever you’ve been reading in manga, ignore that. It’s not like that in real life. You won’t automatically know what to do. Tell each other how things feel, and ask if he’s comfortable. You won’t really know what you’re doing, so you might have to stop a few times. If it hurts you can try again later. And use lots and lots of lube. As long as you do that, I think you’ll both have a good time. Over time, you’ll figure out what you each like, and things will go smoother. If you want to try different things, that’s fine, as long as you’re both okay with it. Just talk about everything, okay?”

Toya nodded. “Thanks,” he muttered, and got up to leave.

Fai smiled, and turned back to his blueprint, but he couldn’t quite explain the heavy feeling in his chest. 

 

Kurogane

 

Fai was suspiciously quiet when Kurogane went to bed. Fai hardly spoke as Kurogane undressed and crawled under the sheets, and he made to attempt to initiate physical intimacy. Unsure of what to do, Kurogane laid there, waiting for Fai to say something.

“Toya-kun and Yukito-kun are having sex,” Fai stated.

Kurogane felt he was supposed to react in some way, but he wasn’t sure what Fai wanted him to say. “I didn’t think that would upset you,” Kurogane finally said.

“It doesn’t Fai said. “I’m happy about it. I mean, not in a creepy way, I just know that they will treat each other well, and it will be a good experience. And it’s kind of weird to see Toya getting older, but I’m glad he’s doing these things with someone like Yukito-kun.”

“Okay,” Kurogane said slowly. Fai was gripping the duvet too tightly, so Kurogane grunted, “Whatever else it is you have on your mind, you may as well spit it out, or we’ll both be up all night.”

“I was eight,” Fai blurted out. “You know, my first time. The first time a man… um…”

“Raped you?” Kurogane said, not taking his eyes from the ceiling. He knew Fai wouldn’t want him to see his face right now.

“I guess you could call it that,” Fai said with a forced laugh and a strained voice. “So, as you can imagine, it wasn’t very nice. It hurt, and I didn’t really know what was going on. So I’m glad that for Toya things are different. I know something bad could still happen later, but maybe he won’t be as screwed up as I am, right?”

“You turned out alright,” Kurogane said, turning his head to smile at Fai. “What happened to you… I can’t imagine it, but I know the person you are now, and I know you’re brave. Having a family, letting me into your life, I know these things were risks for you, and they were risks you took, because you chose to live despite something horrible. So maybe you’re a little difficult sometimes, but you’re here still, so as far as I’m concerned that means you turned out pretty well all things considered. And I’m very glad you stuck it out.”

“Dying wasn’t an option,” Fai said. “I thought about it. But I needed to keep him alive. My other self. My brother. If I die, it’s like he dies again. I didn’t keep going for me, I don’t care about that. I stayed alive for him.”

“It doesn’t matter why you did it,” Kurogane said, finally reaching out to draw Fai’s body close to his. “What matters is that you’re here, next to me, that I have you and I won’t let go, and I won’t let anybody else hurt you.” 

Fai snuggled against Kurogane’s side and said, “Thank you Kuro-chan.”

“What for?” Kurogane asked.

“For not asking questions,” Fai said. “I’m trying to tell you things about me, I am, but it’s slow, you know. But when I can’t stop thinking about things, sometimes I want to try telling you about it instead of dealing with it myself. But not too much.”

“We can do that,” Kurogane said. “We can do whatever you need.”

 

Fai

 

On the first truly warm day of the year, Fai set up a plastic slide in backyard with a hose and Sakura invited Tomoyo over. “It’s called a ‘slip ’n slide,” Fai said to Kurogane as he sat down beside his boyfriend of the patio.

Kurogane didn’t say anything, just let Fai lean into him. “I think barbeque sounds good,” Kurogane said after a moment. “I think I could pull something together.”

“Mmm, that would be nice,” Fai said, leaning back to press a gentle kiss to Kurogane’s lips. He turned back to watch the kids slide down their mini water slide. Syaoran kept trying to go the furthest, and Tomoyo just wanted to take pictures of Sakura, of course, while Sakura blushed and took her turn, her laughter filling the air. Kero surprised everyone by coming out and taking his turn down the slide, leaving a trail of orange fur behind him before he shot back inside.

Toya and Yukito were cuddled up on the porch swing, Yukito leaning up against Toya’s chest, sneaking kisses every now and then. Fai was glad to see the boys seemed to be getting along as well as ever.

After some time, the kids grew bored of their slide, so Fai shut off the water and got them all wrapped up in towels.

“Wanna trade clow cards?” Sakura asked, once Syaoran had dried off his hair. “I have an extra Windy now from the last booster pack father bought me.”

“I only ever get common cards,” Syaoran complained with a groan. “I got _another_ dash.”

“What are they even talking about?” Kurogane asked as Fai joined him in the kitchen.

“It’s a card game,” Fai said with a laugh. “They’re quite competitive about it. I give them the same amount of money, but Sakura-chan has much better luck when it comes to rares. She’s almost got a full set. She and Tomoyo-chan made up a routine with this staff, and Tomoyo-chan sewed her a ‘cardcaptor’ outfit for when they’re playing.

Kurogane grunted and glanced over to where Sakura and Syaoran had spread out their cards over the living room floor. Tomoyo was perched on an armchair watching. “Is she… she likes Sakura-chan doesn’t she?” Kurogane said, jerking his head in Tomoyo’s direction.

“Yes,” Fai said with a small smile. “Sakura-chan is oblivious to the whole thing of course.”

Kurogane nodded, then returned to his barbeque chicken. “She looks a lot like Kendappa-sama,” Kurogane commented. “Like she couldn’t been her daughter, or her sister or something. It struck me the first time I saw her.”

“I see the resemblance now you mention it,” Fai said with a laugh. “Tomoyo-chan,” he called, causing the girl to jerk her head from the living room. “Would you like to help me make lemonade?” he asked. “Unless you’d rather watch the card game?” Tomoyo smiled and walked over to the kitchen where she took over juicing the lemons while Fai poured out sugar.

“Tomoyo-chan,” Fai said, “You ought to sing for Kuro-tan sometime. You’re so good, and I’m sure he’d like it.”

“Of course,” Tomoyo said, smiling up at Kurogane. “I’d love to.”

 

Kurogane

 

That night Kurogane was lying in bed, watching as Fai went through his nightly routine. Fai had a very specific order for his face was and his hair, and all of his lotions, and Kurogane watched as he disappeared and reappeared in the doorframe, wearing nothing but his slippers and humming some song or other.

Kurogane lived for nights like these. It didn’t matter if it end with sex, even though with Fai that was more or less guaranteed. He didn’t care if Fai had secrets, he didn’t care what Fai was running from, he didn’t care about Fai’s history, he cared about the man who had danced into has heart and made him smile for once. He had never wanted to hold on to something so much as he wanted to cling to this mess of blonde hair, blue eyes and long limbs. He wanted to hold onto him, keep him safe, and never, ever, let him go.

Kurogane knew Fai was finished when he sprayed his face with something that smelled of roses, then turned back to the bedroom. “Get over here,” Kurogane said, patting the bed next to him. Fai blushed, and crawled on top of the blanket next to Kurogane. Kurogane reached out to stroke Fai’s soft cheeks, then murmured, “You’re so pretty, you know.” Fai practically purred, drinking in the praise. “I love you so much,” Kurogane said. He was trying to say it more and more, now he realized just how much Fai loved the praise. Fai muttered something in Swedish.

“Translation please,” Kurogane said with a laugh, trailing his hand down Fai’s chest. “I haven’t made you forget your words yet, have I?”

“No,” Fai said, shaking his head. “I said--I said I love you alright.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Kurogane said with a smile. It was still hard for Fai to say it, but Kurogane didn’t mind when his ‘I love yous’ were reciprocated with blushes and kisses. He pulled Fai closer by the small of his back until Fai was on top of him, then brought his hand up to stroke Fai’s cheek.

“You think you can show me how beautiful you are?” Kurogane asked, running his hand up Fai’s thigh. “Because I’d like to show you how much I love you.”

“What’s put you in such a romantic mood tonight, Kuro-steamy?”

“You,” Kurogane said with a smile, “All you.” He took hold of Fai’s hair and gently guided him in for a kiss.

 

Fai

 

Fai looked up quickly when the door opened and Kurogane appeared with the physical therapist. Kurogane hadn’t wanted him there during the appointment--hadn’t wanted him to see if he failed--but now here he was standing with his jacket thrown over his shoulder, looking at Fai with just a hint of uncertainty.

“Let me see it,” Fai said, reaching out to run his fingers over the synthetic hand.

“It seems heavier than your old one,” Fai said, lifting up the hand to inspect it. “Can you do any tricks yet?”

“I guess,” Kurogane said. His face tensed in concentration, and then his finger and thumb separated and came back together.

“Wow!” Fai exclaimed. “Now I can make you fetch so many more things for me.”

“I can’t carry very much,” Kurogane pointed out. “Not without my arm falling off.”

“This is really amazing machinery,” Fai said, running his hands over the arm. “I wish I could see the insides.”

“No taking it apart,” Fuuma had appeared behind them in the hall. “It’s patented technology. You always upstaged me in school. I don’t want you coming out with a better line.”

“You know I was hopeless with electrical,” Fai said with a laugh. “All those little wires… I’d trust whatever you make. But I still wish I could see how it works.”

“You want me walking around with a robot arm just to satisfy your curiosity?” Kurogane asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Fai said with a grin. “Full metal Kurogane.”

 

Kurogane

 

Fai dragged Kurogane to Yuko’s restaurant for lunch. “We’ll have to see if it’s open,” he said. “It’s always a surprise with Yuko.”

When they arrived, the place was open, and there was another man waiting standing outside the building.

“Doumeki-san,” Fai cried with a smile. “How are you? Do you want to get lunch with us?”

“I’m just here to get my bento,” Doumeki said with a shrug. “Kimi said I was in his way in the kitchen so I’m waiting outside.”

“He’s still making you lunches?” Fai asked. “That’s so adorable. This is my Kuro-pon. He doesn’t do anything like make me lunch, but I keep him around anyways.”

Kurogane rolled his eyes but greeted Fai’s friend all the same. He followed Fai inside where Yuko greeted them and showed them to a table. Without asking, she pulled up a seat for herself and called for Watanuki to bring drinks.

“We closed half an hour ago,” Yuko said. “But I'll have Watanuki-san cook something up for you. It's not every day I get to see Fai and Kurogane-san. Any requests?”

“Nothing that's too much trouble for Watanuki-san,” Fai said with a smile. “I don't want to drive him around the bend.”

Two servers appeared an room Yuko’s instructions for food, and then disappeared into the kitchen. A moment later, Kurogane heard a cry of disbelief and when he thought might be a pan dropping.

Over the next few hours, they went through a bottle of sake, while Fai told Yuko all about his work, and Sakura and Syaoran’s school play and showed off Kurogane’s new arm. Finally, Fai yawned and snuggled up to Kurogane’s chest. “You’re not saying much, Kuro-chan,” he said, looking up at Kurogane.

“You talk enough for both of us,” Kurogane said, running his fingers through Fai’s hair.

Yuko stared dreamily at them from across the table. “You know, when I met Fai, I never thought he would allow himself to fall in love. And then he brought you over, and I knew there was a ninety-nine percent chance of it all blowing up and leaving him more hurt than ever, but a one percent chance things might actually work out.”

“That’s because Kuro’s one in a million,” Fai murmured.

Kurogane didn’t say anything, just flushed. Sooner or later he would get Fai to the train station and home, and they would avoid Toya’s reproachful gaze as Fai weaved his way to bed for a nap, and then they would have dinner and Fai might help the kids with their homework while Kurogane tidied up, and then they would put their kids to bed before crawling into their own shared bed, all one family, all under one roof. Kurogane has never anticipated having a real future like that, and with Fai nothing could be for certain, but here, with Fai cuddled against him, his chatter and laughter filling the air, Kurogane thought he might have found something like the shape of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hey all! I am working on a second part. I'm separating it because there will be a time jump, and because it will deal with much darker themes. This fic kind of touched on Fai's history of abuse a few times, but part two will get into it a lot more because it's going to get into Fai and Yuui's childhood, and also him growing up with Ashura. I know there are some people who like Ashura, which I don't particularly understand, but you're welcome to your own interpretation, but Ashura WILL be a villain, so that's something to consider if you're particularly attached to him.   
> -I'm (trying) focusing on nanowrimo this month, so I won't start posting part two until december at least unless I completely give up on nano. But maybe earlier.


End file.
